Post # 1
I rarely comment but always read the amazing advice you guys give.
I’ve been asked to be Bridesmaid or Best Man at a wedding over a year away but literally won’t know anybody but the bride/groom/the bride’s mom….
I know this is generally bad form to ask for a +1 but in this situation is there any way I could gently ask? The bride knows I’ve been with my bf for over 5 years and has met him before multiple times.
I wouldn’t die going alone, it would just be….awkward sitting alone since the bride/groom and parents will def be busy for the night, even though I’ll have some moments of busy-ness doing errands and such. And I also know it’s not my night to be “comfortable” plus the additional costs of bringing a +1 would be against this but I think the bride would be understanding though she probably wouldn’t think of this issue off the bat.
I’m not exactly sure how to approach this. Any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 3
@purehart: Have you been invited yet? that will let you know if you get a guest.
Its usually not polite to gently ask. However usually the bridal party gets +1’s.
Post # 4
If you have been with your BF for 5 years then i would totally expect that he should be invited, and if the bride and groom have not invited him i think its a bit rude to be honest.
He isnt just a new man in your life, 5 years is enough time for people to see you as a steady couple and yes of course he should be there. and i would be offended if i was invited and not my partner.
maybe you could ask her.
Post # 5
Alot of times the wedding party automatically gets a +1. Do you have to make travel arrangements or book a hotel? You could say that you were going to make the travel arrangements and were wondering if you were getting the +1. You are right this is awkward, I’ve been a bridesmaid in two times where I wasn’t seeing anyone but I’d known the brides since HS so i knew people. Good Luck. I definitely wouldn’t wine about it or make a big deal if she says that you weren’t getting a +1 tho. It’s one night and as you said you will survive this.
Post # 6
@purehart: Since it is still a year away, I think you should just wait until you either a.) learn that your boyfriend is invited through communications initiated by the bride regarding the rehearsal dinner or other wedding-related events or b.) get a formal invitation to know whether or not you get an “and guest.” It may very well be that the bride and her Fiance have already taken your boyfriend into account and plan to give you a +1.
Post # 7
Wow! Thanks for the fast responses!
You guys are probably right that I should wait it out….or wait till the formal invites go out. Though knowing her, she might not even mail one out to me officially since she’s already had a verbal conversation about it. So maybe it’ll happen when I help her address the invites.
@Captain013: Yep! I’ve been formally invited and asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 🙂 I’m really excited about it. I definetely knew something was up when she was very curious whether I was going to go to her wedding a couple weeks after she got engaged.
I just feel really awkward and uneasy assuming things especially if his plate will cost $50 additional.
@HisIrishPrincess: Unfortunately, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I both won’t have to make travel arrangements. So that isn’t the easy way out….:(
Post # 8
The bride is your friend, I would just ask and explain why if you’re worried about being rude. It sounds pretty established that she knows your Boyfriend or Best Friend, I’d expect him to be invited (unless it’s an extremely small family wedding).
Post # 9
Do you know you aren’t getting a plus one?
I’d just assume I was. I thing that if you’re a Bridesmaid or Best Man you are close to the bride so I don’t think it’d be bad to ask in general conversation “can, ……. come?” She’ll prob say “of course.” If not then she is in the wrong and doing a major ettiqett blunder and being plain rude, not you, IMO.