Advice for two virgins

posted 7 months ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t have too high expectations. First time is never good so take your time and don’t worry that it’s not gonna be what you imagined. Explore on your own what you like and tell him. Have open communication and have fun. Sex is fun and weird stuff sometimes happen, remember to laugh it off. Good luck.

Post # 3
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Lube. 

Post # 4
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

Pee after sex.

Post # 5
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee

A couple questions:

Have either of you masturbated before?
What kind of sex ed have you had?
Have you been intimate in other ways?

Ok, my suggestions are that you take things slowly. Don’t jump straight into sex, start with just touching and a lot of foreplay. It’s helpful if you both have explored your own bodies a bit and know what you like before starting. Communication is key. Make sure you’re telling each other what you like, what you don’t like, and what you want the other person to do.

It’s going to be awkward and weird. You’re going to feel super uncoordinated. Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves to make this moment perfect. Be ready to laugh at yourselves getting tangled in the sheets or not being able to sit up or bumping heads. Be ready to take critique from eachother. You won’t get it perfect the first time. And there’s nothing wrong with needing some guidance from your partner since you want to make this good for them.

Prepare some lube. It might not be necessary, but on the other hand it might be super necessary. Depending on the weather, on your nerves, on you hydrated you are the amount of lubrication that your body can produce is variable.

Your first time doesn’t have to hurt. If you go slowly enough, invest enough time into foreplay, are aroused enough, and are relaxed enough sex shouldn’t hurt. This goes back to the advice of going slowly. This is supposed to be fun, so don’t do anything that you’re not ready for. You don’t have to jump all the way the first time. Just do what feels right. But if you are ready to go all the way, have fun!

Make sure you guys know how to use the form of birth control you are going to use beforehand (if you plan on using any).

Some women are more prone to getting UTI’s after sex than others. It helps to pee afterwards.

And have fun!

Post # 6
Member
2468 posts
Buzzing bee

Patience and understanding. Relax. Breathe. 

Patience. 

Relax. 

Can’t stress those two enough…

Post # 7
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Oh yeah and weird stuff will happen, you might just let one rip, it might fall out, you might knee him or something. Laugh it off, it’s all part of the fun

Post # 8
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - backyard

Reading a book with your fiance and discussing your expectations for the honeymoon night might be helpful to feel more prepared. I don’t know if you’re waiting for religious reasons but I have some Christian friends who read “Intended for Pleasure” and “Sheet Music.”

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Follow the rythym of whatever rythym happens, lol. You’re both in the same situation so every moment will be special. I think it’s really admirable y’all waited. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
4407 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We were both virgins too.  Low expectations.  Take things slow.  Lots of foreplay.  Vary your touch — you may find that certain types of touch feel better than others, or certain areas feel better.  Don’t expect fireworks; it is something that takes work and time, but that’s part of the fun of it.

Post # 11
Member
8705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

Lube. Lots of lube. 

If you aren’t properly lubricated it’s likely to be painful. Don’t be afraid to say you do or don’t like something! For your first time I wouldn’t try to get too crazy position wise, I would make sure you could make eye contact though.

Post # 12
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Innerdonught :  OMG you’re comment made me laugh so hard! I farted once during sex and he stopped to ask if I was trying to blow him off me…hahahhahaha we both cracked up.thank goodness 

Post # 13
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

anonyabeille :  Just be open to all possibilities about when it will happen, and how you’ll feel during and after. 

Many couples don’t have sex on their wedding night (regardless of whether or not they have previously) simply because it is such a long and exhausting day! You’ll want to take your time and feel relaxed, so maybe discuss in advance with your husband-to-be that it may happen that night, or not till your honeymoon (if you’re taking one). It’s good to make sure you both have the same expectations. 

Your first time doesn’t have to be ‘bad’ or painful – many people (myself included) have a really good experience. That said, other people may find it phsyically uncomfortable. It depends on so many things, so I would just say try not to feel apprehensive (about potential discomfort) or too excited (about potential mindblowing satisfaction) and just let it be what it is.

Have an amazing wedding!

Post # 14
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

Maybe I’m just the minority but first few times I had sex even with lube it was painful for me. 

I got so freaked out that something was physicaly wrong with me because everyone says “it shouldn’t hurt if you’re properly lubed! etc.). I started looking into disorders and reading books and being upset with myself because I felt even though we did everything right it wasn’t working.

Then I talked to my sister who said to me “oh yeah, that happened to me too.” What ended up happening was that I continued to have sex with my Boyfriend or Best Friend and eventually I got used to it and now it doesn’t hurt at all. Sometimes when it’s our first time or even first few times we get nervous which makes it a little harder. 

So my advice is, if sex IS painful the first time for you, even with lube, don’t immedietly think you have to see a sexologist or get botox for your vagina(I did a lot of research). Sometimes it really is a matter of just needing to do it a few times until your body is relaxed to the idea of penetration. Now if it REALLY hurts or your husband literally can’t get his penis inside or you have trouble putting in tampons then I’d look into it with a doctor. 

Maybe this is terrible advice but I know I wish somebody had told me this before I started looking into buying dialators *shudders*. 

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