(Closed) Advice from Parents & Only Children Please

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 46
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

I’m an only child and the sterotypes have always annoyed me. Yes, i am kind of anti social and like to do my own thing but so what? I find loud people too in my face. Some people are introverted and some are extroverted. My parents did their best but were very strict and religous as i grew up, so they were picky with friends i could have etc. As a result i did spend alot of my childhood alone, but i think because of this it made me more creative as i had to entertain myself alot.

As an adult i like being an only child and people often say how lucky i am to be one. Lots of friends and co workers don’t even get along with their siblings.

I don’t want kids, but if that changed i would only have one because i like to do my own thing and one is enough i think. I would just socialise them more than my parents did with me.

Post # 47
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

I’m the oldest of six but the mother of an only child who is 6 yo.  I HATED having so many siblings when I was young, but now that the youngest are nearing adulthood, I really enjoy when the whole family gets together and we have a lot of fun.  I do have lots of good memories of us playing together when we were young as well.  We didn’t watch tv much and were always occupied as we had playmates.

Now I had planned to have 3-4 kids, but once I had my daughter, I was like….holy crap, my mother was a madwoman for having so many children.  Like you, I wanted to have “me” time as my daughter got older and the time never seemed right for another.  Then my ex husband and I split up.  My daughter has asked for siblings several times and that is when I feel guilty, but otherwise I think she is very happy and NOT in any way socially awkward.  My 23 year old sister who grew up with 5 siblings is more socially awkward than my daughter.

My fiancé wants to have one or two kids after we get married, so we will probably try. I honestly would be fine with just my daughter, but I would be fine with one more as well.

There is nothing selfish about either decision! You do what’s right for you.

Post # 48
Member
445 posts
Helper bee

I’m basically an only child (I have a half sister who is 16 years older than me & we never lived together) and it’s never negatively impacted my life. I’m very social, and anything I missed out on with having siblings is more than made up for by having extremely close, long-term friendships with people who are like family to me. That plus cousins and pets, I never felt lonely or lacking companionship. Beyond occassionally wishing I was a twin because it seemed cool as a kid, I have never regretted not having siblings. As an adult, I still do not regret it whatsoever. My parents both have siblings and neither are close with theirs, whereas my childhood best friend & I still talk every single day.

I don’t think it’s selfish or depriving your child of anything to raise them an only child, and I don’t even really understand that line of thinking. You should have as many children as YOU want, not what other people think is right. Only you can know what is right for your life and your family.

Post # 49
Member
6 posts
Newbee

somethingnew :  I’m an only child 🙂 Adopted from birth as well..

When I read your post I notice how much tension the issue is causing you.. not between you and your Darling Husband, but in your own mind.

I believe that you are happy with one child. There are so many benefits for a 3 person family, and don’t forget.. friends of your child can sometimes be so close they feel like family 🙂

Instead of focusing on wondering if you’re a bad mom, enjoy what you have right now without pressuring yourself. It is always best to do what brings you peace in your heart and mind, worrying certainly isn’t it 😉

 

 

 

Post # 50
Member
9589 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Great News: You’re Allowed To Have Only One Kid!

If you only want one, only have one. I would check out that book the article recommended and see how you feel in your heart of hearts. Or if you want two, you could wait till you wee one is a bit older. I personally want two because my brother is my best friend, and I wouldn’t want my only to face my DHs and Is old age and death alone. no one understands what it’s like to have your parents and life like your sibling. That being said you could make arrangements in advance to ease the burden of care for end of life and save for those scenarios. My other reasons, and This is super dark too… I know a few families who’s only child died and they never recovered. One I am close to and she is constantly on the brink of suicidal (10 years later, still). Especially during holidays, his birthday and death anniversary, seeing friends kids milestones/weddings/babies… constant brutal pain and a general feeling of I have nothing to live for. It’s awful. But… that’s not to say that awful shit can’t happen if you have many too. We could all die any minute so live your life how you want. Sorry for going there!

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