Post # 1
Member
6937 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
Let me tell you a bit about me:
My hubby and I have only been married for one year, and originally we decided to wait at least 3 years before TTC. I am getting this feeling that I am getting older (almost 28), which I am. My main concern is that I don’t want to be too old when I have my kids, and the more I read, the more I get that impression. I know that we will have them when we are ready, which we are working on. My hubby is 31 and has never had any kids neither do I. His parents are in their 60s. As bad as I feel, my sister-in-law, my hubby’s older brother’s partner (they are not married) are having difficulties getting pregnant. The youngest is not married, so potentially, we are the only ones that are healthy right now thank God to have children. Plus my mother-in-law is sick very sick. I am feeling a since of urgency that perhaps they will be happy to have some grandchildren around.
Hubby has a good job, and I am a grad student working toward my PhD. I have a few more years before I finish (at least 3 more). I find it difficult to have a baby while I am in school. I would like to hear from bees that were/are in a similar situation and had their baby while in grad school. Was it difficult? How did you do it? Would you have waited? Any advice anybody? Thanks a bunch!
Post # 3
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Did you post about this yesterday or is this just a shockingly similar scenario?
I just finished my PhD and am teaching now with a 4/3 teaching load. I’m pregnant; it was a surprise! (that we are very happy about).
I would much rather have gone through this and early parenting while dissertating. I had a much more open schedule over the last 2.5 years than I do now and my teaching load is absolutely overwhelming.
A bunch of people in my program had kids at the dissertation stage, one of them before that, but they were the fathers which does make a difference. The one who had his first kid before dissertating ended up having 2 while in his PhD program and still finished in 4 years (our department average is 5-6 years and in the field, it’s common for people to take up to 11 years).
Post # 4
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
I do not have kids, but I can relate to your concern about losing your 20s while in grad school. I’m also almost 28 and working on a Ph.D. and I really worry that my choice to get a doctorate will make having kids problematic in my 30s. What kind of program are you in? I ask because some are much more academic and a lot of work can be done from home, while others like mine are more clinical and require a lot of time outside the house, a year-long internship, etc.
Post # 5
Member
6937 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
@mrsSonthebeach: I have sort of mentioned this, but I am not sure if that was me. I am actually not even at the dissertation stage. I know that at least I want to be there before TTC. If I can ask, what did you do your PhD on? What program?
Post # 6
Member
6937 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
@SweetDeeReynolds: Actually in Physics, and I work with several chemicals, some radiation exposure, etc. It requires a lot of time working in the lab, which worries me if I would get pregnant. I would NOT like to be working in the lab during my pregnancy not even close for the well being of my baby.
Post # 7
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@candy11: Classics
As for your concern about chemicals, won’t you ne around chemical on the job as well? Once your research is done, couldn’t you conceivably be away form chemicals while pregnant and writing?
Also, depending on your specific program and the people in it, you may want to consider how much support and accommodation you will get. My graduate program faculty would’ve bent over backwards to make things work for me while pregnant. My current department isn’t being difficult about it, but they certainly aren’t giving me the kind of support I would’ve had last year.
Post # 8
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You might want to browse through here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/phd-bees-babies-at-the-abd-phase
Post # 9
Member
6937 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
@mrsSonthebeach: Yes true. The other option is to take a semester leave, which I know another female classmate did. I just want to finish asap. Of course, it is easier for my male colleagues. I probably need to be closer to the dissertation stage. Thanks for your advice.
Post # 10
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
@mrsSonthebeach: Typically our offices (at least in chemistry) are not in the lab due to environmental health and safety regulations, etc. So for instance, I am sitting in my office now, which has a window looking into my lab, but I don’t have to be as exposed to chemicals when I am on the computer, etc. I worked for a while in a lab where my desk was IN the lab, and we weren’t supposed to have food/drink at our desk. Working without coffee at my desk, blasphemy I tell you!
And for most of us, after you get a PhD in the sciences, you may do a postdoc in lab for a couple years, but after that you usually wind up with more of a desk job with very very little lab time.
Post # 11
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
@candy11: I’m feeling lazy and don’t want to re-type my reply from yesterday, but see this thread for my concerns and worries about being pregnant in a lab environment (chemistry)
PhD bees – babies at the ABD phase?
Post # 12
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@ChemistryBride: So that sounds like waiting until after grad school to have a kid if you are trying to avoid being in the lab while pregnant really means waiting a few years until after grad school? OP, something to consider.
Post # 13
Member
6937 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
@ChemistryBride: Well I have no office, and yes I understand about the coffee, man I wish I could bring it in with me. So, I spend most of the time in the lab. We are a nanotecnology lab, so we work with several chemicals and other types of radiation. I am stuck there until I finish my research.
Post # 14
Member
6937 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
@ChemistryBride: Yes I read your comments, I feel the same way. Even if we are finish, and enter the work force, the job won’t be too different. I might just stay home for a few years.
Post # 15
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
I had my oldest child while completing the last year of a professional program. My program was mainly clinicals, so it involved me being on my feet a lot walking, then coming home and doing papers etc. Was it hard?….yes! Was it do-able?….yes!
I had already been in school for quite some time, and like you, did not want to put TTC for much longer. Looking back, the harder part might have been being in grad school while actually pregnant, as I was working part time too (I took time off of work to actually finish the clinical rotations because there just wasn’t enough hours in the day to do everything).
I was lucky in that I had a family member babysit while I was at clinicals, but I was paying a lot for babysitting as I was gone at least 12 hours a day when you include my commute. Then at night my DH helped out a LOT when I had papers to do. What made it worse was that the baby was colicky, so I barely got any sleep.
So while it wasn’t an ideal situation, and I won’t kid you, it was very hard, I am so glad I didn’t wait any longer. I know of several of my fellow students that waited until they were completely done with school before TTC and while things may have actually been easier once the baby was born, it look them longer to get pregnant than they thought.
I too had to work with chemicals a bit of the time, but many times I just “watched” as they wouldn’t let pregnant women actually work with them.
So I’m not sure if that gives you any insight, except just to say it is hard, but doable.
Post # 16
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
@mrsSonthebeach: Yeah, depending on the career path you want. If you want to go into academics, you pretty much have to do a postdoc, so add 2-3 years of lab time after PhD. If you want to go into industy (assuming you can find a job in this market) a lot of people go straight from grad school though. So then you would be in the lab a lot less more quickly. That’s what I am hoping to do since I don’t want to add another 3 years after my PhD before TTC.