- 3 years ago
Hi Bees! I am a somewhat regular poster but going anon because I would be really upset if someone from real life stumbled upon this.
I’m struggling with something that I know is more than a little petty, but I also know that it’s something that other people have been through. I’m just hoping for advice on how people in similar situations have gotten over themselves and into a better place.
A few weeks ago, my brother and SIL annouced they are having a baby, and I am SO SO happy for them. Can’t wait to be an auntie! Now that the dust has settled from their annoucement (it was a big suprise!), I’m struggling with some feelings that are making me feel like a real jerk. My husband and I have been TTC for about six months with no luck, and I just found out I have fibroids that might be affecting my fertility and require surgery, so I was generally sad about that before they shared their awesome news. They don’t know about our issues and I don’t plan to tell them, by the way, just wanted to share that it’s part of my issue. I can’t help but feel resentful that their baby stuff will be going on while we’re struggling with my own issues, and also some sibling rivalry stuff that I know is really stupid and needs to never see the light of day. We are very close in age so it always seems like we are in the same life stages at once. People love to comment about it and it drives me nuts, because I really don’t try to live my life like a race!
Adding to my stress, and this is the real petty part is, my parents are SO EXCITED because it will be their first grandchild. My mom has cancelled plans to visit me for holidays because she wants to save money to visit my brother when the baby comes, and she’s already let me know that her summer vacation will be to see them also. I live about a 14 hour drive away, so I don’t see much of them and was really excited for the visit.
I’m disappointed, but I know it’s somewhat irrational because of COURSE they want to run and see their grandbaby! I do too! It’s more than understandable that my mom is focusing on that now. Even so, I can’t help feel a little left out and like my life and feelings don’t matter much anymore, and probably won’t for a while, even when, God willing, we do get our own BFP. My mom doesn’t know that we are TTC but she does know about the fibroids (she had them too), but she hasn’t had much to say except that she was able to get pregnant so why worry. I feel like now if I tell her we are trying, it will seem like I am trying to make this all about me, which I definitely don’t want to do.
I know things are going to change and that I need to kind of bury my own disappointment and support my brother, and not make this about me, but I guess I’m just seeking for advice from someone who has been here. I feel like this is a lot at once and I am doing a bad job of handling it. I hate myself for feeling anything but happiness for them, but I just can’t seem to let it go. Our friends don’t know we are TTC and I’d like to keep it that way, so I just don’t have anyone but DH to talk to.
Thanks in advance, and please go easy on me. I’m beating up myself pretty hard over this.