- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2010
Here is my predicament, and I am asking that you take a moment to assist me if you can.
My fiance and I got engaged April 8th, 2010. We had been talking about this for quite some time and so setting a date was something we did not want to drag out. We immediately decided to get married April 8th, 2011. Reason #1, one year later – so quite significant. Also, it happens to fall on a Friday, which is nice and a bit cheaper than a Saturday. Our Save the dates were sent with a cute line of “She said yes 04.08.10, they will say I do 04.08.11”
Now my family loves him – they are so thrilled for us. HOWEVER there are MANY religious issues coming into play. We’ve already had sex and my family (from a Christian background) does not agree with sex before marriage. But neither one of us were virgins going into this relationship, so it wasn’t easy NOT to… especially when we are so in love. I agree with my family in that we are “living in sin” and the only way to make this write is to either not have sex until we do get married, or get married sooner. Obviously, the latter choice actually seems easier.
I am a wedding and event planner – go figure. And our season is October through May. So now that we started re-evaluating the situation, getting married within the next few months is so much easier on me for the following reasons: I have the “slower period” of summer, to move in and get settled with my new home and my new “Mrs” title. Work will not be so overwhelming trying to focus on others party with my own wedding lingering in the “whats to come” calendar. Plus in the future, when celebrating our anniversary, it’ll be “down time” and we’ll have more freedoms to travel.
The biggest challenge: no one from his family lives here. We’re in Florida. His brother is in Georgia. His grandparents, aunts and uncles are in Texas and his parents are in California. My heart tells me – no matter when we set the date, they will be here if they truly want to and can do it. But god forbid one key player is missing, I will never forgive myself.
His grandma’s 80th birthday is in August and so a good bulk of the family is going to go to Texas, including us, for this celebration.
So I came up with the following:
1. We get married July 2nd – his cousin has her daughter’s baby dedication on the 3rd (in the keys) then there is the 4th of July and my fiance’s 30th birthday is the 5th of July. So we could make an amazing weekend out of this. HOWEVER his brother called yesterday to say that he wasn’t coming into town for his birthday, there with things going on at home out of his control but they’d come a bit sooner to see us. His brother is his best man…… and my fiance thinks a lot of other family members won’t be able to come with such short notice and it will hurt their feelings.
2. We get married September 3rd. This is labor day weekend so even though school is back, they have a 3 day weekend and a bit more advanced notice. My fiance seems to think this is too soon after grandma’s 80th birthday celebration to host our wedding
3. We get married October 1st – it’s the last date I have before my season truly kicks off (my first big event is October 2nd, but I could give that to another coordinator and start with the October 9th event).
4. We keep the April 8th date and we will battle spiritually and I know I will battle emotionally which eventually leads to physically (yes I am insane enough and over think things enough to get physically ill).
The ultimate challenge is no matter what, no one will be happy. If we move the date, someone is unhappy. If we leave the date, I am unhappy. And my fiance is so frustrated with the whole thing that I feel like I cannot even bring it up again. We just go in circles.
A court wedding is out of the question – with or without a formal reception afterwards, so please let me clarify. I think that would hurt more people than it would help the situation.
I am mentally, emotionally, and yes – now I am physically exhausted with the whole thing. I grew up with the mentality of most other little girls – this is it, this is my big day. This is what I have dreamt of and craved my entire life. And it is becoming more of a pain in the a** than it is a fairytale.
What would you do if you were me? How can you make the best decision in the least selfish way? And then how do you communicate it to fiancé and his family!?