(Closed) Advice: groomsman blocked bride and groom on Facebook?

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 16
Member
23 posts
Newbee

In all honesty, it’s one thing to dislike you & delete you/blcok you (although this is stilll very petty and childish), but if this “Mike” character was truly a good friend to your Fiance, he would bear it and grin it. I have friends who are dating people I don’t like, but in the end, what I want is their happiness above all else. No need to delete or block their boyfriends on social media. I will still act civil and hope that they treat my friends well.

Why would Mike block and delete your FI? It just sounds like he’s trying to stir up drama. If this is what he’s like before the wedding, why have someone at the wedding who doesn’t like you and more importantly, is a terrible friend to your Fiance. At this point, I don’t even understand why he agreed to be part of your wedding party. Your Fiance needs to speak to Mike and tell him it’s not ok; Mike sounds like a two-faced terrible friend from your description & will likely no longer be in your lives after the wedding anyway so you may as well cut him out before he’s in all those important photos you will cherish from your wedding.

Post # 18
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Hmm, on one hand I really want to say that right now everyone seems awfully touchy on social media. So I wouldn’t take it too personally. 

But, obviously this is a really big deal to you if you had someone else get involved to verify if you could still see him or not. So, if it’s that important to you and/or you feel that personally targeted, I’d really just say to call it a day with these folks. Your fiancé needs to tell Mike that he feels the social media blocking reveals pretty obviously that they dislike you and since he will always choose his future wife over Mike, he will no longer allow Mike and fiancé to insult you directly or indirectly. And unless they are willing to accept you, the friendship has run its course…

it just seems like it’s time to move on from them. it sounds like it might be time to tell your fiancé that you need him to choose you or Mike. You can both find better friends. Simply being old friends doesn’t mean someone is still a good friend. Sorry you’re experiencing this 🙁

 

Post # 19
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like they have an issue with you and i wonder if theyre hoping to open up another conflict by blocking you and your Fiance.

Blocking you is extreme but not terrible. Blocking your Fiance and continually bad mouthinb you to him, i think your Fiance needs to consider his friends. But then in my experience very conservative christians feel they can challenge and mouth off about everythinh and justify iy because ‘bible says…’ and narrow quoting of scripture. If they really have an issue with you not measuring ul to their ideals then you can never win.

Post # 21
Member
13624 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think your Fiance has to speak to his friend and find out for himself what is going on. It could be that he temporarily blocked everyone that had different political views. If it’s about his disapproval of you, Fiance should not tolerate that kind of disrespect. The friendship would inevitably be affected and the groomsman position secondarily, by default. 

Post # 22
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

It is possible your Fiance and his friend can maintain a friendship off of facebook. 

Post # 24
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Putting aside the generalization of conservative christians, my view on this is: 

1. They don’t like you.

2. They never liked you.

3. They hoped you would go away and played nice until you guys broke up. 

4. You are seeming more permanent, they will show their displeasure passive- aggressively via social media. 

 

I see it this way because I have dealt with these types of scenarios. One of FI’s ex-best friends told another friend’s Fiance that I was a hoe and a gold digger but smiles in my face and inquires about my life while feigning genuine interest. He deleted me off everything but he is also not attending my wedding because I don’t need anyone there who doesn’t support my relationship on such a special day.

If they are doing it this passive-aggressively, they might attempt to gas light you when you ask. I would leave it up to Fiance to figure out what he wants to do as they are technically “his side” and go troll the Bee for more sparkles. 

Post # 25
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

That is bleak. Just do as you said and support your fiance, I’m sure this is very hard for him. 

Also, and not that I have any problem with it, but your post reads as though they had a child before being married. Again, it means nothing to me but it’s odd that he would keep quoting scripture at you. Those in glass houses and all…

Post # 26
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
sunflowers121 :  Just echoing a few other people, Fiance needs to be blunt and ask Mike why Mike blocked him on Facebook (nothing about YOU, just why he blocked his supposed best friend), and take it from there. If it just devolves again into Mike just quoting the Bible and telling Fiance he’s changed, I think Fiance needs to ask him to step down. But in the end, this is 100% FI’s decision, not yours.

I’m scared if we don’t have them in the wedding other people will somehow blame me for wrecking the friendship :/”  – who cares what other people think? You and Fiance (and Mike) will know it’s because of Mike’s behaviour.

p.s. Also, you say you never respond to the Facebook drama – but does your FI? Maybe Mike blocked Fiance because he didn’t like hearing opposing points of view from Fiance, and you’re just collateral damage.

Post # 28
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
sunflowers121 :  

The thing with most men is that they have an huge “loyalty” bond that will blind them to the wrongdoing of their friends. It took my Fiance three years to realize that his friend was “not just kidding” nor was he just being “friendly” in his own way but honestly did not like me and was being genuinely disrespectful. The best advice I can give you is to not force it and continue to be yourself.

If they are willing to civil to you, be civil back. If they ignore you, still be civil. Don’t hound him about his friends and let him see it with his own eyes. Even if it means down the line, you regret having him in the wedding party and you need to crop some pictures. 

If I had forced my Fiance to choose between me or his friend, he would’ve resented me. A few pictures and memories will seem insignificant compared to a marriage clouded with resentment.

But at the same time, when Fiance and I got serious and moved away together – his friend lived about 5 hours away. They would not have interacted nearly as much as your Fiance and his friend. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t worry too much about it because regardless of your social media standings with his friends – your Fiance stilll wants to marry YOU. Enjoy it instead of worry about petty people.

Post # 29
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

Your fiance should talk to the friend. 

Also, Facebook has been acting funky. My sister and I both have a friend in common who just deactivated her page. When I search her name, nothing comes up. But when my sister searched her, the Friend’s profile still shows up. you have to actually scroll down a bit to see that it’s a deactivated profile because it still shows all the basic info at the top.

Post # 30
Member
2957 posts
Sugar bee

Woah. Has he even asked the friend what’s up yet before jumping to a million conclusions? 

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