- 5 years ago
So I am not technically engaged with a ring yet (although it is bought and 100 % coming within the next month), but my SO suggested we start looking at all kinds of wedding stuff this past weekend, since it will be a very quick turn around from engagement to the wedding. I will only have a couple of months to plan. Sooo, we began listing people we might want to be in the wedding party, and here is my dilemma:
We wanted to have 6 people on each side, but decided to make it 7 so that our respective siblings can be in the wedding…So here is what we have for my side (the tough one):
1. My best friend (MOH), followed by:
2. My future SIL- BM
3. Close friend from my sorority in college- BM
4. Another friend from my sorority-BM
5. A close friend from my college major – BM
This leaves me with 2 open slots, hence the problem. I have two friends from middle school/high school that I was very close to, but we’ve only kept in touch “so-so” in the past few years. I was a BM in one of their weddings last summer (let’s call her Kirsten), and I know she assumes she’ll be in mine because she was talking about doing my hair for me on the wedding day (cosmetologist). But, I have only seen Kirsten ONCE since her wedding, since she moved away with her husband, and we are not huge phone people. My other friend, Kate, and I were EXTREMELY close for many years (closer than Kirsten and I). The problem is, Kate was in Kirsten’s wedding too and was not a very good BM. Kirsten had to nag her to buy the dress for MONTHS and Kate never came to anything, responded to calls or text messages etc. She missed the bachelorette, showers, everything. She is not the most reliable friend, but she has been there for me in the past..We keep in touch more so today that Kirsten and I do, but like I said, I was in Kirsten’s wedding, and I know Kate doesnt plan to be married for a while (if ever). If she did marry, I know I’ll be in hers. Kate calls me occasionally and we try to get together whenever we both happen to go home to visit our parents. She is the type of friend that will always prioritize a guy over her friends though, so when she has a bf she drops off of the map for long stretches of time.
I have two other friends from college that I am considering as well; let’s call them Jessie and Remi. I met Remi at college orientation, and we have kept in touch all 4 years of college, although we have definitely gotten closer in the last yr or so. Remi has never had a ton of girl friends, and she just got engaged yesterday. Last week during wine night, she was talking to me about BMs and how she wants to be sure to choose people who will choose her back and how I am one of her closest friends, etc. She kept hinting that she’d like for us to be best friends bc she has never really had a best friend. I already have a best friend, but I do like Remi a lot. We have weekly lunch dates this year, are in the same Bible study group, etc. I honestly think Remi will ask me to be one of her BMs, but I honestly never considered her as one of mine before that conversation…She is a sweet girl but she is very overbearing and I am afraid she will try to make my wedding about her especially while she is planning her own. But, if she asks me and I dont ask her, it is going to be an awkward few months until we both get married! She also doesnt have much money, and while paying for her own wedding, I doubt she will be able to afford a BMs dress, will more than likely criticize all my choices, as my wedding will be a lot more expensive than hers etc.
Which brings me to Jessie. Sweet, sweet girl. Another sorority sister. I am leaning toward just asking her to sing at my wedding since she is a great singer. I want her to have a role in the wedding since we have been friends all through college, but I dont necessarily know about BM. Of the three, she is the most laid back, and we are close, but I think I have been closer to the other 3 girls at different times in life.
All of these girls (except Jessie) will get upset if they are not asked to be BMs. I think Jessie will be fine singing. The problem is, I have 4 (or THREE) girls and 2 slots! Advice?