Post # 1
Hi all, I’m a newbie!
Getting married August 2014. Sent out most of our invites now. We are having the ceremony, meal & reception all at one venue – maximum number for the day is 90 whilst the evening is 120.
With family & closest friends, we are at 89. This excludes plus ones, partners of guests who we haven’t met/don’t know well & some guests children. It’s not a child free day – we have our own children and there will be some nieces & nephews.
Is if acceptable to invite just friends to the day and then their partners and children later in for the evening? It’s not financial- hot buffet is only £20pp!! It’s genuinely down to numbers and this is stressing me big time.
It’s worth mentioning here that these few friends are people I’m not really in that much contact with- one didn’t even invite me to her baby shower but has already expressed her disappointment at not receiving her invite yet & the other doesnt really bother with me either (!) it sounds silly but only really inviting them to keep the peace!
Post # 2
I think you’ll find that cultural differences weigh heavily here. Here, in Canada, it’s definitely not acceptable to only invite partners and children to half the wedding. You don’t need to invite children at all, but with partners it’s gotta be all or nothing. I would never show up to a friend’s ceremony to sit alone for an hour and hope I have an easy time chasing down my husband later. If I were you, I would invite only family and their plus-ones (no co-workers, no acquaintances, no people I’m “trying to keep the peace with”) to the ceremony and invite everyone else later.
Post # 3
Thanks for your honest anwser- I’m getting mixed responses from my family and friends so just looking for advice from people who are going through/have been through similar. It’s all so confusing!
Post # 4
I would be very offended if we received an invite for just one of us. It’s not polite to break up a couple IMO. Just inviting the couple and not all their children is okay though I think.
Post # 5
Lauz87: It is rude to split up couples, and it is rude to invite some guests to only part of the party.
You don’t need to send invitations until 8 weeks ahead of time at the earliest, so you have plenty of time to figure out a guest list that works.
Post # 6
Absolutely not. You can’t break up a unit or a family for part of the event. I would be absolutely offended. No way would I be attending the ceremony by myself, and I doubt I would attend the reception either.
Post # 7
Lauz87: This is one of those things where etiquette varies across the world. So you’re better off going with what family and friends say than what Wedding Bee says, because 90% of the answers on this board will be from North America, and you appear to be in the UK. (I’m from Australia).
That said: I believe that a “tiered” invite (invite some to the whole event, and other to only part of the event) is OK in the UK but not North America. But my understanding is it is never ok to split up a couple, even in the UK. Besides the rudeness there is a logistical problem, because they’ll want to travel together. So the way to go might be to invite some couples to the reception only, if your family + friends think that is acceptable by your local etiquette.
It is OK to include some children but not others, so long as the line is drawn consistently. So if you invite your children and nephews/nieces (who you know), and no other children, I think that is fine.