(Closed) Advice? Is it rude not to invite everyone to the reception dinner

posted 7 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
595 posts
Busy bee

I personally wouldn’t do that. It seems like it would get messy and I think if people knew that some people were invited to the reception but they weren’t they would be annoyed/hurt. I wouldn’t want to be one of those people. I don’t know, just my $0.02. 

Post # 4
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

This is a dilemma…I can understand that you want to include everyone, but this could lead to hurt feelings by many.

It also may be hard choosing where to draw the line- who gets to stay and who doesn’t…

I personally wouldn’t do it.

Post # 5
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes it is very rude.

Post # 6
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Is there any way you can find room in your budget to include the extra people at dinner? Are there other areas of the wedding where you could scale back?

Post # 7
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yup, it’s rude. You can’t invite people (who will probably get dressed up, travel and bring a gift) and then exclude some and not others.

Post # 8
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree messy and rude.  I mean do you make an annoucenment when the cocktail hour is over to let people know it’s time to leave and if you got the special card you can stay?

Post # 9
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i know some people may find this rude but could you maybe tell them that they can come later for drinks and dancing? We are supplying our alcohol so it’s not costing us per person for drinks. My coworkers at the restaurant where I serve once every three months have been bothering me for invites. I flat out said to them “listen, I can’t afford to feed all of you. You’re more than welcome to come afterward for drinks and dancing!” They’re all 20 years old and don’t have manners. So I know they wouldn’t care. I even said to them  “I don’t care how tacky it is, I just simply can’t afford to feed all of you”.

haha.

I would simply tell people that you are having a small wedding and while you would love to invite everyone, it just wouldn’t be in the cards. People need to understand.

Post # 10
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s rude. It’s almost like saying you don’t like them enough to pay for them to eat. I’m not trying to be mean, but I guarantee that this is what people are going to think.

Like others have said, just tell people you are having a small wedding and cannot invite everyone, although you would love to. That’s what we did and no one seemed to get too butthurt over it.

Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Ok, I understand that this opinion will probably be unpopular and I’ll catch heat for it.

But honestly, weddings where the bride and groom invite a lot of people they can’t afford to feed seems kind of gift grabby. Like “Come, celebrate with us, bring gifts and well wishes, buuuuuuut we can only afford to feed the people who REALLY matter.”

Even when that’s not the intention, that is often what it feels like to the guest who showed up and was excluded from the reception. I really just think it’s a bad way to go. If you can’t afford to invite a lot of people, then don’t invite a lot of people. Have a small wedding that’s within your budget. People have them every day. It’s a lot easier to explain “We wish we could invite everyone but we just can’t” then try to explain why some people deserved dinner and others didn’t.

Post # 12
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Why not change the time and have a cake and punch reception? Then you can invite everyone and no one would feel excluded.

Post # 13
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That’s awkward.  People will be socializing, and it would be odd if one couple asked another one if they wanted to spend time together after the cocktail hour and one was invited to the actual dinner.  Also, how do you get the other ones to leave?

It’s custom here to invite people to the dance.   People will pop in for the party give their best wishes,  

Post # 14
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you invite them to the ceremony, you have to invite them to the reception—and that includes dinner. But, if you wanted to invite a few extra people for after dinner (just dancing), that’s considered socially acceptable in many areas.

Post # 15
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I personally wouldnt do this. Its very rude and I can only imagine how many people would be offended by it. You should narrow your list down and only invite the amount of people that you can afford to. Good luck! =)

Post # 16
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Super bad idea. Invite only who you can afford, or invite everyone and cut out the dinner entirely so it’s just cocktails, hors d’oeuvres and cake and everyone who is invited attends that. 

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