Post # 1
I need to know if I should make my FSILs bridesmaids. I need outside perspective bees.
Fiance and I recently told our families that we’re engaged. Everyone is happy and eager to help. Yay, right? Well, FI’s sisters are both very opinionated and I worry that involving them will make planning harder (keep reading, you’ll see why). FI’s older sister is really interested in crafts. I’m less concerned about her because she compromised a lot on her own wedding, and I know she wishes that she hadn’t, so ultimately she will go along with the plan.
His little sister is a bit more difficult. She seems to think that everything has to be centered on her. First, she pouted because she found out about the engagement when everyone else did (instead of being told first). Then she was mad that Fiance told her not to tell anyone else because it’s not her news to share. Next, she started insisting that she go dress shopping with me. Fiance let her know that I’ve already found my dress and fire practically shot out of her ears. To top this all off, Fiance let it slip that we would each have only one attendant (My Maid/Matron of Honor, his BM). I could feel his little sister staring holes into the side of my head.
I could just go ahead and make her a bridesmaid, but Fiance actually doesn’t think it would be a good idea to include either of his sisters in the wedding party. He knows them best, and I’m really just uncomfortable with the idea of them in the wedding party. What if I made younger Future Sister-In-Law a bridesmaid and she acted worse? That’s a big risk. Plus I’d need to include older Future Sister-In-Law too, and there are people who I am a lot closer to. If I included the FSILs, feelings would be hurt if I didn’t include the others, and suddenly I’d have a gaggle of attendants (I can’t handle that).
It’s clear that both FSILs want to be involved, but I don’t think younger FSIL’s expectations are realistic. It seems that she wants to be in the bridal party for attention, not as a support for Fiance and me. I honestly just don’t feel that we are that close. I could see her standing on his side because of their relationship, but he doesn’t want that. I’m sure she will ask Fiance or me about this soon. Should I just make her a bridesmaid to keep the peace or resist and keep sane? I have FI’s support, but I want to know if we are being unreasonable.
Post # 3
Don’t do it!! The arguments will just escalate and they will both just add more stress to your wedding planning. If you Fiance supports you on this, I would listen to him. And I definitely don’t think either of you are being reasonable. It’s your wedding and you both should decide how to plan it!
Post # 4
Go with your gut, her behavior is only going to get worse.
Post # 5
Go with your gut and keep her out of the bridal party. I am definitely a fan of only having one attendant, keeps the drama out. You don’t want to be stressed out on your day and it seems like she might bring in drama.
Post # 6
There is no need to include his sisters in your wedding as BM’s, go with your gut
Post # 7
I might be making my Future Sister-In-Law my bridesmaid, but we’ve hung out several times and she’s super chill. If you’re not very close with your BMs then your wedding day wont’ be as fun, not to mention your close friends might feel betrwyed if they aren’t the BMs. And too large a wedding party would get out of hand.
Post # 8
Your not close with them, your FH is already saying not to, and they are already proving themselves overbearing. So why would invite this drama into your bridal party?
Post # 9
Go with your gut!!! Avoid the drama and potential chaos…. Stick with your original plan; besides your Fiance supports the idea of not including his sisters!
Post # 10
Go with your gut (and your FI) on this one! If you guys think it would just get worse, then don’t!
Post # 11
Thanks ladies. I’ve just been so nervous about this decison because I don’t want any hard feelings, but it seems like they might be unavoidable. I guess I have an inflated sense of guilt. I really don’t want the drama, but I think there will be some anyway.
@Diana R. that’s exactly what I’m worried about is more arguing.
@Monkeyface Having one attendant has been the best decision we’ve made thus far.
Ok. So I’m going to say no to putting them into the wedding party. Now I’m sure someone is going to ask about it (probably younger fsil). What’s the most diplomatic way to say no without providing too much explanation?
Post # 12
@MrsMagnus: Just say you and Fiance wanted a small bridal party and your decision is final. You do not owe anyone an explanation.
Post # 13
Both my brothers are engaged/married and I was not a Bridesmaid or Best Man in either of their weddings. I kind of wish I had been invited to the bridal showers, but other than that, no hard feelings! Go with your gut.
Post # 14
@MrsMagnus: Just say that you and Fiance really don’t dig the idea of a bridal party, think it is not your style, and you don’t want it. If you feel like you want to include them in some other capacity (like a reading or a toast), just cut them off at the pass and say “oh hey, we’re so happy–we’d like you to do X and Y so that you’re a part of OUR day!”…that way their role is defined and they recognize it is not in the Bridal Party
Post # 15
Thanks for the replies bees.
I think I’m so used to having to explain myself that I just figured I would have to do it again. But like LuvMySailor said–we don’t owe anyone an explanation. I feel much better about the decision to have a small bridal party and I think I will find something else for my FSILs to do that they will enjoy.
Post # 16
@bklynbridetobe: 100% agree! It seems like a no-brainer to me too…but if you think involving her in some way will lead to less crap for you in the future, involve her in some way (do a reading, set up the unity candle/sand ceremony etc.)….going through the same thing with my Future Sister-In-Law. My FH wouldn’t want her in the wedding even if I begged him! But I don’t want her to be excluded since she is family so she’s doing some of the bridesmaids’ hair (she’s a hairdresser)