ADVICE – MOB here and I need advice, PLEASE!

posted 1 year ago in Family
  • poll: Should I (MOB) have discussion with her (MOG) outside of our kids (ENGAGED COUPLE)
    Yes : (5 votes)
    13 %
    NO : (34 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6832 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    This isn’t your event and there is no reason or good that can come from you stepping in to a mediator role. Let him/them deal with his family. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    6883 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    No, that sounds like a horrible idea. 

    I might go back to your daughter and ask about how they plan to split up the guest list. 20/20/20/20 or 40 per side seems the easiest.

    Or just tell her to elope LOL. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2887 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    What exactly does she want to talk to you about? Sorry if I missed something in the original post.

    If she wants to contact you, I’d probably say that’s fine because it would be weirder if your daughter told her “No, you cannot contact my mother”. 

    I would just keep it very vague with her, tell her the kids are planning their own wedding and you don’t have much info…?

    Post # 8
    Member
    6832 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    calagara :  If MOG reaches you and does ask you to help support her big wedding ideas just politely respond that you are happy for the couple, they are planning the wedding they want (as they should) and you are looking forward to celebrating with them that day. Basically, just shut it down. If she pushes tell her it’s not your wedding and you respect their wishes and then change the subject. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    4603 posts
    Honey bee

    Not your circus, not your monkeys.

    Inserting yourself in other people’s business never ends well.  If your daughter and her fiance are old enough to marry, they are old enough to stand up for what they want, set boundaries with her, and plan their own wedding.

    Build a relationship with her if you want, but wedding planning talk should be off limits.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2887 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    calagara :  Hmm… I don’t know, if you ignore her FB messages will that make it super awkward when you see her next? 

    I don’t see any harm in meeting with her, you don’t know for sure what her intentions are. If she tries to talk wedding just play dumb, you don’t know what they’re planning, they’re grown ups and are taking care of it by themselves. She’ll probably leave you alone once she realizes you aren’t going to fight her battle (if that’s her intention).

    Post # 14
    Member
    6832 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    calagara :  If your refusal to engage in some sort of coordinated attack against your children to do things her way means she’ll be offended and/or you’ll be her enemy, so be it. You cannot control how others feel/behave, you are only responsible for your own actions. Stick to facts–it’s not your wedding, not your decision, you’re excited to celebrate their marriage. Rinse and repeat. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    4317 posts
    Honey bee

    calagara :  No no no! This is for the couple to handle by themselves. Don’t make the HUGE mistake of stepping in where you’re not needed. 

    MOG is only in her late 30s? If she was a teenage mother that may explain things. I’m assuming the couple is over 21.

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