(Closed) Advice MOH & Bridesmaids: Besty in Med School or Little Sis ?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Pick the person you are closest to without expectation of how much work they will do. Do not expect more from them. Keep in mind that the only requirement of a bridesmaid or maid of honour is to show up in the dress/outfit of your choice relatively sober on the day of. Anything else is bonus and up to their schedule, budget and inclination. Do not base your choice on what they can do for you. 

Also, choosing the wedding party does not need to be one of the first things you do. In fact, it’s often recommended to wait so that you don’t make a mistake or in case relationships change. I’d recommend waiting until about 9 months out since that’ll give you time to think about it but also still time to figure out their attire. Changing your mind after the fact is insulting and rude and usually a friendship ending move, so take time to think it over. 

Personally, I’d go with your best friend or your sister, depending on how close you are to her. Or you can have no maid of honours and just four bridesmaids. 

*for ease of writing assume “maid of honour” and “bridesmaids” are gender neutral terms in your case. 

Post # 3
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh, and anyone can give a toast at your wedding. It doesn’t have to be the maid of honour. 

Post # 4
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee

I think you might want to talk to them about how much time they’re going to be able to/going to want to commit to planning the wedding. You should choose your bridesmaids for who you want to stand with you while you get married, and for who you want to be with you on the day – while you get ready, at your table etc. If they want to help with the wedding that’s a bonus, but I wouldn’t just expect that anyone that accepts being a bridesmaid is going to want to be totally involved with everything. 

I have my three sisters, best female friend, and best male friend in my bridal party. The only person out of that group that has any idea of what to do about weddings, or any interest in helping to plan one is my oldest sister. The others will attend the parties and mayyyybe be involved in planning the bachelorette but that’s about it. But because she isn’t the one that I’m necessarily the closest with I’ve decided not to have Maid/Matron of Honor so that I don’t have to make a weird hierarchy between them that isn’t really there. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is.. you might want to adjust your expectations and the meaning of the titles a bit to avoid disappointment and resentment. Choose who you want to spend the day with, and then talk to them about how involved they want to be in the planning leading up to it. It isn’t a job title. 

Post # 6
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
hollybeequeen :  you clicked the helpful button just fine. It’s anonymous though, in case you were curious.

“Maybe we can just talk more and define jobs…”

No. The only people responsible to plan your wedding or do any of the work or go to any of the appointments are you and your fiancé. Anything else must be freely volunteered. Of course your friends and family might want to help, but they should feel in no way obligated to help. 

The topic ‘Advice MOH & Bridesmaids: Besty in Med School or Little Sis ?’ is closed to new replies.

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