Post # 1
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
So, I’m 13 weeks pregnant, living in a teeny apt with my husband and working in a big city. No question about it, we need to move out to make room for the baby. The options that we are contemplating are: 1) find an apartment to rent in the area (which will def. cost more than what we’re paying for rent now and 2) move in with my parents in Florida
We cannot live off of DH’s salary alone, and I think it’s really important to stay with the baby for a few months past what I’m given for maternity leave. Luckily, we have some savings and can do this, but not for long. If we move somewhere else in the area, we will be paying a higher rent, living off one salary, and depleting our savings. Plus, my parents will hardly ever see our baby (their first grandchild). DH’s parents live here though.
If we move in with my parents, we’d basically have the whole second floor to ourselves, with bathroom and all – BUT I know there might be some boundary issues. Also, we’d both be moving with no jobs, and I hear the job situation is tough in Florida. However, I’d love for my parents to be able to spend time with their grandchild, and I’ve never lived anywhere else but in MA, so why not. I would be able to stay with the baby with less guilt, because we wouldn’t have rent to pay.
What to do? I’ve been living on my own since I left college, and I feel like it might be lame to move back in with the parents, especially being married and with a child. But I feel like it could be a good thing too.
Thoughts? Has anyone gone through this?
Post # 3
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t have kids, but my husband and I have been living with my in-laws for the past year and a half to save for a house (we finally bought one! We close in December!). Honestly it has been fine and I think as long as everyone will respect each other’s space it could work…only you can decide if that will be a good situation for your growing family though. I love my mom, but I know that I could not have lived with her for 1.5 years, but living with my husband’s family has been fairly easy.
Post # 4
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
I would really recommend against this. I was a single mom, and I was sooo lucky that my parents let me live with them while I got back on my feet (almost a year into my child’s life). However, it wasn’t without sacrifices. When someone lets you live with them, you feel guilty about not adhering to their “advice”. This becomes complicated by the fact that the mother raised one of you, and figures she knows what’s best for children (hey, you guys turned out all right, right?). It’s a really stressful situation to be in with a child. Sure, I’m grateful for my parents, and I’m glad people have the fall back plan, but I think it should be a last resort. A child could share a room with you for quite a while, or you could consider an alternative, like making a walk in closet a make shift nursery, or sleeping on a pull out couch in the living room with hubby for a year…I would prefer those alternatives to living with my parents with a child, again…and I’m someone who loves & respects my parents…
Post # 5
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
I have no problems with my family – I love them. But I’m scared of what living with DH and a baby and them will be like. They love DH, and DH loves them – he doesn’t mind moving. But still, I worry. I worry about moving, I worry about him (and me eventually) finding a job. I worry about leaving my brother alone here in MA – even though I know he’s fine. And I worry about what his parents will think, if we moved acoross the country.
But I feel like it would be great. I’m ready to move on from my job (I don’t feel like I could keep up the commute with a child), and I would love to try living somewhere different for once. I just feel like moving from a big city with good pay to Florida, with parents, is kind of like stepping down. No offense to anyone.
Post # 6
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
@les105: I see what you’re saying. But like I said, if we stay here, we have to move. My place is under 500 square feet. There is NO ROOM for a crib, my closet is tiny. I just worry about quickly depleting our savings because I’ll be home for a bit and paying more in rent.
We’ve thought about me working and childcare…it’s not worth it, at least not for the first few months. I REALLY would like to stay with the baby for at least 6-9 months or so.
Post # 7
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
The good thing is both my parents work, so its not like I’ll be all up in their space 24/7. They have their livigin room, bedroom, bathroom downstairs, and there is a living room, bathroom and 3 bedrooms upstairs. My sis lives with them now, but just got engaged and will leave soon, so they will have a lot of space!
Post # 8
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
Gut reaction says it’s a horrible idea. However it does sound like you would have your own space at least.
My biggest concern would be your husband quitting his job to move down there without another one lined up for either one of you. That seems like a disaster. Can he start looking down there now?
Post # 9
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
@Natalieh86: Yeah, we’d both be moving without jobs. He can look now, but that doesn’t guarantee he’ll find one by the time we move. It might be easier while we’re there. That’s like my worst fear, but I feel like it’s just a risk you have to take if you want to move across the country.
Post # 10
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
@luli29: Yeah I’m sure it’s easier to look for a job while you are living there but it’s possible to find one from another state. Especially since everything is online these days (of course, every industry is a little different). I would think even if you have to hold off on officially moving until a little after the baby comes (they probably need less room then than when they get a little older), I would rather do that and have the security of income.
Post # 11
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Hmm…I understand your concern about paying rent somewhere, but it seems like holding onto your current jobs is a better financial decision than quitting and hoping to find new ones. Why doesn’t your husband start looking for a job in Florida and you can reasses the moving situation if he finds a new one?
Post # 12
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
@Natalieh86: I’ll have a serious talk with DH this weekend and see how he feels about looking for a job from here.
Post # 13
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
@luli29: I understand exactly how you feel. I haven’t gone through this personally.. but my courins has!! My cousin married his wife and they moved interstate and lived there for nearly 10 years.. so they were away from family/friends for a long time. When they began TTC they moved back closer to their family. When the baby was born they rented a place but found it difficult to cope so they moved in with their parents. Like you, there was plenty of room in the parent’s house for them. It worked out really well for them as their parent’s were cautious of them having some privacy and didn’t overwhelm them with anything. They never ‘overtook’ any situation involving the baby.. they sort of just took a back seat and were ready to help when they were asked. Now both parents have gone back to work.. and the bub rotates between two sets of grandparents on weekdays.
I think it is a great opportunity for your baby to spend the beginning of it’s life with grandparents. I think it is a win win. Happy parents, happy baby, happy grandparents.
On the other hand, i am sure that all parents are different and some may intrude more than others.. so it is a personal choice. You know what your parent’s are like so you will make the right decision 🙂 xx
Post # 14
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
If you are going to move, why not start lookong now? perhaps with a few months notice your DH can find a decent job in FL. You could move in with parents and set an end date based on his salary and the rents in that area.
Post # 15
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
@AlwaysSunny: Well we wouldn’t plan to move until AFTER the baby comes…summer 2013. I doubt he can look for a job now that will hire him for next summer. He’s not a doctor, or engineer or anything. He works in a high level customer service position.
Post # 16
Member
3226 posts
Sugar bee
@kfiorita: Thanks for the positive outlook. It’s such a tough decision, but I am glad that not everyone will think it’s a horrible idea.