(Closed) Advice needed

posted 5 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am similar to you, inherited mild to moderate depression, lived alone since 1995, set in my ways in my own house with my own stuff.  Dated off and on but never for a long time.


At 17-18 months I didn’t know if Fiance was the one.  We got engaged after 27 months of dating and even then, I knew I would need a long engagement to settle in to the idea of living in a partnership rather than for #1.  


Any time I had a “this is the one!” feeling in a relationship it ended, it seems in hindsight like it was a denial of what wasn’t working for me or for him.  With Fiance it’s more we work to be each other’s partner every day.  So it sounds like what you’re feeling is perfectly normal.


Post # 6
5 posts

me too! most days he’s the one and others wtf am i doing? I think this is totally normal probably more likely so since we’re not 20 something anymore and more set in our ways, totally agree.  I’m 45 too and am divorced. Plus I have 2 children and any decision I make not only affects me, but their lives as well which puts a ton of pressure on me not to “choose wrong”. I’ve lived alone for 3 years and it’s “my way”.  I get these feelings with my new man because I also don’t want to make the same mistake twice “been there, been miserable”, which I’m not with him, but am afraid to be again.  But I also know alot more about myself now and acknowlege my not so good points:  realize where I can be too critical or bossy and my need to be in control etc and how I’m far from perfect and try to be more accepting of his “faults” When I do that, everything seems to be much better.  I guess in my ramblings I’m trying to say that I think it is normal to have doubts and I don’t think we’ll ever be totally %100 sure, but I’m willing to go with my gut and heart which tells me he is and hope I’m right! As to what love is…can’t help you there, it keeps changing!Wink

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