(Closed) Advice needed

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
4159 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t have children of my own, but work with kids of all ages…I think if she were to say something like that to you again, you can say yes, you are pretty sweetie, but that’s not the most important thing in life and give examples of things that ARE important.  Getting good grades, treating others with respect, whatever you believe is important for her! 

It’s probably nothing to worry about since she is so young – Just as an example of myself…I’m half chinese, half caucasian.  I have an eye colour that I have rarely seen on other people – blue rims, with green, and yellow inside, and orange flecks – and I always get compliments.  I remember as a kid people asking me if my eyes were contacts…Hello!? I’m 5!! haha but anyawy, my point is, yes I got a lot of compliments, but I think of myself as a well rounded person who isn’t into my looks AT ALL.  I have never worn makeup, hate doing my hair, and don’t really care about fashion!!  I just say thank you, and carry on.  So I think if you tell your daughter to appreciate the comments, but then continue on with her own interests, she won’t let it get to her head.

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i think a lot of children are often praised on their looks, and it does send a message that looks are important. you can praise her on other things (along with looks b/c it’s important to have a good well rounded self-esteem), but focus mainly on her talents and brains.

Post # 5
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d say not only to praise your child for nonphysical things…but also make sure to comment on others…like how kind, thoughtful, intelligent others are…instead of always saying “great skirt”  “I like your haircut” only…I think our whole culture is guilty of this, tho

Post # 6
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I might also encourage your daughter to always thank people for complimenting her, as it might subtly counteract this creeping sense of entitlement that I think you’re picking up on.  I would also just try to minimize talking about it with her, and pulling from my child psych background here I think one of the more corrosive effects of this kind of unsolicited praise is that it’s not really as great for self esteem as when a child is praised for something he or she genuinely did well (and being born beautiful is unfortunately not an actual accomplishment).

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