- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I think I may walk into a shit storm when I get home and I might need to do some damage control with my MIL and SIL, or so I’m told by DH.
A little back story: SIL and I had a falling out in the past with attitudes, we hashed it out over text and do not speak of the incident. We live in MIL/FIL’s guest house, and SIL is over at the house every day, so we are friendly at a distance, kind of like an unspoken “I’ll tolerate you until you give me attitude again” type of thing. Weird I know, but we are just extremely different, yet both extremely harsh when we’re upset.
MIL and I “seem” to be close. We have a lot of the same viewpoints and respect each other’s privacy (which I’m SO grateful for). But, MIL and SIL are extremely close, and do everything together, so for you Bee’s in a similar situation, I’m sure you can understand when I say I’m a tad bit of an outsider. It just is what it is – they’re a packaged deal. I totally get it because I have that relationship with my own mom.
There’s a stigma in the family that if you are having a beer, you’re an alcoholic. If you’re smoking a cigarette, you’re immoral. MIL and SIL are a little self-righteous and snooty (straight from the mouth of DH) but almost nothing I can’t handle without a smile on my face. So DH and I were out to eat, and SIL calls him to ask where we were at; literally checking up on him, at like, 6:00 pm. Did I get miffed at this? Honestly yes. “Hey, me and mom want to check up on you because we don’t trust the two of you to make sound rational decisions because we just know you’re out living it up in sin.” Yes, this is what they were thinking, I know these people now.
So I take that as a cue to go ahead and leave. I go into their home to grab my pups. Might be feeling sad for myself because at this point I feel looked down upon. I smile, make very little small talk as usual, and go to the guest house. DH shows up a few minutes later and asks “what happened with SIL?” She said you were a bitch to her.”
Er – what? I cannot think of anything out of the norm that happened at all. And to make it more daunting, DH has to confront me about it for her. Well, okay then. I told him I don’t think I was a bitch, he said okay and him and I didn’t talk about it again.
But it’s still been on my mind all day. I don’t think the family is good with difficult conversations; like other than that one argument between me and SIL, I have never been approached by anyone on my behaviors or something I did until now, and they receive apologies kind of awkwardly. And to mirror this behavior, when I am met with a bad attitude or complete ignorance to my existence (yes, this happen quite a bit) I know I can brush it off. I’m anxious as hell because when SIL gets her feelings hurt, a full blockade of familial armor goes up around her. You will either get confronted about it and backed into a corner, or you will be met with passive aggressive and ice-cold behavior (I’ll go ahead and say it, yes – apparently she’s the pride and joy of the family).
The whole family will be home by the time I get there, and I have no idea how I will be met because I hurt her feelings by supposedly being a bitch. I promise you, she didn’t forget it, and the whole family will know. Again, I don’t think I was but hey – “I apologize that you misinterpreted my behavior and you let your feelings get hurt.”
I’m wondering what I should do: A) should I just apologize and get it over with? They sometimes act like nothing ever happened, so if that’s the case the apology will just land on deaf ears, and the passive aggressive behavior from both SIL and MIL will ensue, and I will feel like a chump in a dunce cap. Or B) let her decide if she is upset enough by my supposed behavior and allow her to approach me, in which case I will offer my apologies, but also deem this an opportunity for us both to voice our concerns about our differences.
Please let me know your thoughts; DH is extremely close with his family, so I don’t want to create anymore friction, but I certainly don’t want to get bull-dozed because I hurt the baby’s feelings.
DR; TL: SIL thinks I was a bitch to her but I wasn’t. Apologize to her to get it over with, or let her confront me if she’s that upset