Post # 1
I Met an amazing Man. I had been single for a a while (2.5 years) and do not believe in casual dating. Neither does he. We met online and chatted for 2 months before he finally mustered the courage to ask me out (Uber shy). I was in a 5 year relationship earlier and in these 2.5 months, I have been more happy than i ever was in my previous relationship. I can be myself around him, and I do not feel the need to put in any extra effort. I have never even questioned his involvement, because he clearly is into me. He introduced me to his friends, told him about his sister and almost all of his colleagues.
Here is the catch.
He will soon move to Poland for about 2 years. Currently, we are in India. We have decided that we will give LDR a chance (his decision, and i was thrilled about it too). He told all his friends about this decision very enthusiastically. He got his visa interview dates a couple of days back, and that did make us a little sad, because we have 6 weeks to go. He did ask me during the discussion, what is my expectation if our LDR is successful. I told him that even if after the LDR we are as happy with each other as we are now, I would want us to have a future. This was an answer that we give during interviews (5 years down the line..yada yada yada) That did give him a reality check and the fact that he probably did not think through his decision of giving LDR a chance. According to him, we have 2 options- 1) We power through the LDR and then settle down, for which he will have to start the ground work now, i.e, tell his parents. 2) We end things now.
There is some tensed situation going at his place due to some other issue, and as of now he does not want to add more startling information in the household. That is why he proposes that we go for option 2. I explained to him that we need not get our folks involved right now, what if we call things off right now but the situation at home improves? He said he does not want to deal with all that when in Poland. He randomly suggested different ideas, one of which included not going to Poland, but I asked him not to do that because it is a good opprotunity for him.
I do not know what is going on in his head, clearly he needs to deal with it. Even when he left yesterday, I did not feel a pang of anger or dissapointment. Today, the conversations are pretty normal. We will meet today. I am leaving for a week long trip to Shillong with my siblings tomorrow. I do not know if this break will make him realise that we could actually work this through (because, i personally think that it is) or it makes him get used to the split. I do not want to bring up last night’s discussion with him. It did end with him saying that a break up will be a better thing to do. I do not want to constantly tell him that be positive, because at the end of the day, he will do what he truly wants.
Because of the impaired emotional state, I am unable to think straight. can the bees give me some advice?
Almost heartbroken 🙁
Post # 2
He sounds great, but this is really tough. I personally don’t believe in LDR, it never worked for me nor anyone I know. But I guess maybe if you two had the will to try it, then it would be possible but you both need to really really want to end up together and to put a lot of effort into keeping each other. You can’t force him into this. The best you can do now is try and help him make his mind up and show him how good you are together, and that being apart wouldn’t be so bad…
But honestly, what I would do personally, is break up and agree to meet and see how it would go after he’s back (if you’re both still single of course). Maybe you would be able to continue your relationship without poisoning it with 2 years of suffering and wondering. You might miss a lot of opportunities while in a LDR. Of course I might be wrong! I wish you all the best, hope you will find the right solution in the end!
Post # 3
If you really enjoy being together then why not give the LDR a shot? I’m proof that it can work. My fiancé and I were both in the military when we met. He went to Germany for 3 1/2 years while I stayed back in the states. We would visit about every 3 months and talked on the phone every day. Now he’s back stateside and we are getting married in December. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and a few time I wanted to throw in the towel, now I’m so glad that I didn’t. If you can look at the big picture, then it’s possible as long as both people are on the same page. Just take it day by day and see what happens.
Post # 4
Honestly, LDR is about commitment and managing expectations. You must understand that your relationship won’t be the same, especially in terms of seeing each other when you want. Some days are harder for me than others and skype just won’t cut it. Somehow we’re making it work. We’re LDR for now because i moved away for school and he’s saving up for our wedding fund. We’ve been together for ages and communication and managing expectations is really important.
Post # 5
As long as the long-distance aspect has a specific end date (e.g., two years in this case), I don’t see anything wrong with it. I had only dated DH for a month before we began an 11-month long-distance period (with some extended visits in the middle), and it was fine.
It sounds like your Boyfriend or Best Friend is just creating problems out of nowhere. I have no idea what he means about needing to start laying the groundwork now if you want to have any future together. Why is it this big drama to tell his parents about you? It doesn’t exactly bode well for the future that he’d rather break up than admit to the relationship.
Post # 6
I don’t know, it is tough to start a LDR in the early stages of a relationship. Especially an international LDR. It sounds like you have only been talking for a couple months, and it also sounds like you have mostly just been talking online? If you continue “dating” him when he is in Poland, you close yourself off to other more available men in your area. Putting your life on hold for this guy I think would only delay the inevitable. I know you like THIS guy but it sounds like a case of bad timing. If he was staying in your area and you could get to know him by dating conventionally great, but he isn’t. I think you got to know him, got really excited about finding a guy you were interested in and he was interested in you, and you jumped the gun a bit. There are other guys out there, not just this one.
Post # 7
DH and I started a LDR in the most inconvenient of circumstances, and then proceeded to be in one for close to 2 1/2 years. During the 2 1/2 years, we saw eachother maybe a total of 6 weeks…8 tops…We’re coming up on our 7th wedding anniversary. Moral of the story? LDRs can work. They are hard and at times brutal, but for us in the end, so very worth it. If you two are both dedicated and committed, I say go for it. I know some people shy away from LDRs, but from personal experience, I know they can work.
Post # 8
He doesn’t sound like sure enough about this relationship to make it work. His not wanting to talk to his parents about you in Poland is a lame excuse if I’ve ever heard one. If he’s super reserved and this will be a hard conversation for some reason, talking on the phone is an easy option. If he wants to talk to his parents about you in person, it’s hard to believe he can’t just do that on a trip home sometime. Unless he’s not planning on visiting at all, which would make it incredibly difficult for your relationship anyways.
My opinion: if he thinks you should break up, do it. You need full commitment and a positive attitude if a LDR is going to work. Plus, this after being single for so long and dating so shortly, maybe this isn’t the best option for you. I imagine you’re still in the honeymoon phase.