(Closed) Advice needed- Actual break up or just a rush of emotions??

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
587 posts
Busy bee

He sounds great, but this is really tough. I personally don’t believe in LDR, it never worked for me nor anyone I know. But I guess maybe if you two had the will to try it, then it would be possible but you both need to really really want to end up together and to put a lot of effort into keeping each other. You can’t force him into this. The best you can do now is try and help him make his mind up and show him how good you are together, and that being apart wouldn’t be so bad…

But honestly, what I would do personally, is break up and agree to meet and see how it would go after he’s back (if you’re both still single of course). Maybe you would be able to continue your relationship without poisoning it with 2 years of suffering and wondering. You might miss a lot of opportunities while in a LDR. Of course I might be wrong! I wish you all the best, hope you will find the right solution in the end!

Post # 3
21 posts
  • Wedding: December 2016

If you really enjoy being together then why not give the LDR a shot?  I’m proof that it can work.  My fiancé and I were both in the military when we met.  He went to Germany for 3 1/2 years while I stayed back in the states.  We would visit about every 3 months and talked on the phone every day. Now he’s back stateside and we are getting married in December. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and a few time I wanted to throw in the towel, now I’m so glad that I didn’t.  If you can look at the big picture, then it’s possible as long as both people are on the same page. Just take it day by day and see what happens.

Post # 4
1147 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, LDR is about commitment and managing expectations. You must understand that your relationship won’t be the same, especially in terms of seeing each other when you want. Some days are harder for me than others and skype just won’t cut it. Somehow we’re making it work. We’re LDR for now because i moved away for school and he’s saving up for our wedding fund. We’ve been together for ages and communication and managing expectations is really important.

Post # 5
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

As long as the long-distance aspect has a specific end date (e.g., two years in this case), I don’t see anything wrong with it. I had only dated DH for a month before we began an 11-month long-distance period (with some extended visits in the middle), and it was fine.

It sounds like your Boyfriend or Best Friend is just creating problems out of nowhere. I have no idea what he means about needing to start laying the groundwork now if you want to have any future together. Why is it this big drama to tell his parents about you? It doesn’t exactly bode well for the future that he’d rather break up than admit to the relationship.

Post # 6
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t know, it is tough to start a LDR in the early stages of a relationship.  Especially an international LDR.  It sounds like you have only been talking for a couple months, and it also sounds like you have mostly just been talking online?  If you continue “dating” him when he is in Poland, you close yourself off to other more available men in your area. Putting your life on hold for this guy I think would only delay the inevitable.  I know you like THIS guy but it sounds like a case of bad timing.  If he was staying in your area and you could get to know him by dating conventionally great, but he isn’t.  I think you got to know him, got really excited about finding a guy you were interested in and he was interested in you, and you jumped the gun a bit.  There are other guys out there, not just this one.

Post # 7
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

DH and I started a LDR in the most inconvenient of circumstances, and then proceeded to be in one for close to 2 1/2 years.  During the 2 1/2 years, we saw eachother maybe a total of 6 weeks…8 tops…We’re coming up on our 7th wedding anniversary.  Moral of the story?  LDRs can work.  They are hard and at times brutal, but for us in the end, so very worth it.  If you two are both dedicated and committed, I say go for it.  I know some people shy away from LDRs, but from personal experience, I know they can work.

Post # 8
658 posts
Busy bee

He doesn’t sound like sure enough about this relationship to make it work. His not wanting to talk to his parents about you in Poland is a lame excuse if I’ve ever heard one. If he’s super reserved and this will be a hard conversation for some reason, talking on the phone is an easy option. If he wants to talk to his parents about you in person, it’s hard to believe he can’t just do that on a trip home sometime. Unless he’s not planning on visiting at all, which would make it incredibly difficult for your relationship anyways. 

My opinion: if he thinks you should break up, do it. You need full commitment and a positive attitude if a LDR is going to work. Plus, this after being single for so long and dating so shortly, maybe this isn’t the best option for you. I imagine you’re still in the honeymoon phase. 

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