(Closed) Advice Needed – Addressing invites – deceased

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

Can you call her children, or another relative that you can ask?  Is it too soon for your mom to call her, express the grief you feel and see what she would want?

Post # 4
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldnt send an invite to Mr. and Mrs, that might upset her especially since you know her husband is not around. I would write it however she likes to be addressed.. Mrs. Anna Brown or Mrs. John Brown. 

As for the & guest part, I would probably leave that out too. 

Post # 6
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

Do not send an invitation to a deceased person. 

It is very hurtful to receive mail that comes by accident, but if the person knows better, I wouldn’t want to be reminded about what I have lost.

Post # 8
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

@Stagestar2000: If I’d realized it was that recent I wouldn’t have suggested asking her.  The cousin is the way to go.  

Post # 9
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree about talking to someone else to see how she would feel. It’s such a personal thing. I know that my great aunt prefers to not see his name, even several years later (so for her it’d be Mrs Great Aunt & Guest), but my grandmother wants to have his name there and even (again, years later) keeps his name on her voicemail – she changed providers and lost the message he’d recorded, which I get why that can be reassuring, but now still has his name tehre (and my gramps has been dead probably 14 or so years now). My grandmother would be insulted if I didn’t put Mr and Mrs HollysLastName

Post # 10
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with pulling aside a cousin or another relative, just don’t do it a the funeral or it will seem insensitive. Perhaps try asking a few days later, maybe you can get your cousin’s email or something and make sure to stay in touch.

PS, I am so sorry for your loss!

Post # 11
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with Moneyface, just address it to her and leave out the guest part.  If you’re able to ask a cousin, that would probably help, too.

Post # 12
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Address it just to her without a guest. Let one of her kids know that she’s more than welcome to bring a friend, etc. if she chooses. I can imagine seeing “and guest” so soon would be upsetting.

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