Post # 1
So this weekend was a whirlwind of emotion. A lot of crying on both Boyfriend or Best Friend and my part and well I’m not sure where we stand other than I know he wants to marry me and I want to marry him and he’ll ask when he’s ready. Even though I have money in the bank and have a great steady job with a good income that can support both of us easily he feels inadequate because his income ebbs and flows right now (he’s self employed) and is not what he would make if he were working for “the man.” He had a really bad experience with a boss a number of years back which is why he went out on his own, but he, in his words “feels like a failure.” In any case, that’s not what this post is about.
In our conversations, again the discussion of my ring came up. We’ve agreed previously that he wants to buy me a “starter ring” and we will then go get me my dream ring that I will mostly pay for. In talking about this, he is going to be asking his parents about whether there is another ring in the family for him (his sister got one of the grandmother’s). In talking this out, I realized, I think my parents have my grandmother’s ring in their safety deposit box. I’m not sure, I know my mom took a lot of my grandmother’s jewelery and repurposed it into goregous jewelery I will one-day, but not now, inherit. I’m wondering if I should — and how I should — inquire about that ring.
Now as a bit of background about why I feel I can’t just call and be like “hey mom, Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are talking about getting engaged, do you still have Grandma’s ring?” My family is pretty well off and can be a bit judgmental of people. As awful as it is to say, I really do think they would judge if Boyfriend or Best Friend were not able to get me an adequate ring (this is why they will never know I will pay for my “dream ring” myself — it doesn’t matter to me). So being like “oh, yea, we’re talking engagement, any chance you might still have grandma’s ring” is like saying “yea, Boyfriend or Best Friend can’t afford a ring so we’re looking at alternatives.” But if the ring is sitting in the box somewhere, why shouldn’t it be put to good use? It is a conundrum and I’m looking for some advice…
ETA: I should add here just because in the first couple of responses it seems like I should bring up “sentimental” value… I HATED the grandmother whose ring this is. And she hated me and my mother (she left a note to my dad when she died to sell all her jewelery and not give it to me or my mother). There’s really not sentiment attached to it at all. If it were my other grandmother that would be a different story, but my mother took her ring to make a new wedding band for herself, which is wonderful. In all honesty, I would probably want to take that diamond and “trade up” to get the emerald cut beauty I really want.
Post # 3
could you say that you’d rather than a ring that is sentimental and has personal value to it? that way, you’re not even suggesting at financials, but you’re wanting something that has family history/meaning!
Post # 4
I would say something along the lines of “were talking about engagement, and thought it would be extra meaningful if I could wear one of grandma’s rings” or “incorporate a stone from one of grandma’s pieces of jewelery”. Focus on wanting it because it is old and sentimental, not because it is free.
Post # 5
I don’t think you’d have to mention your Boyfriend or Best Friend can’t afford a ring right now. Just say you guys are talking about getting engaged and it would mean a lot for you to wear a family piece as your e-ring so then you can pass it down to your children as well. I would have loved to have a family piece as a e-ring, I hope they are understanding!
Post # 6
My parents actually offered my grandmothers diamond, but only after I mentioned that I had picked out a ring, but it would likely be awhile before we could swing it, and how disappointed I was. Few weeks later, my Mom called and offered it to me and totally surprised me. Maybe start the convo that way, that you and Boyfriend or Best Friend have some things you want to accomplish finacially before the ring, that you are disappointed, etc. If they don’t offer, just sit quietly for a minute, and ask if they might consider letting you have the family ring.
Post # 7
sometimes the answer isn’t as complicated as you think…why not just straight up say “were thinking of getting engaged and I remember that ring grandma had is still sitting inside your jewelry box, and I figure why buy something new when you have a perfectly good diamond wasting its life in a box– so do you think we could use that diamond for my e-ring??
Post # 10
I have a very deep connection with both of my grandmothers, if their wedding ring was just sitting in a box, I would cry, I would be devestated because I know at one point, that ring meant the same to them as it would to me when putting it on my finger, it would mean the beginning of a happy life into forever. How could anyone let it just sit around not being used and remembered? It would just bring you closer to them.
Post # 11
I think allergicbee is right with her advice – if it holds no sentimental value then why not just suss them out? I dont think they will necessarily assume it is because you cant afford your own ring.
And if they do, well, look at moissanite. 🙂
Post # 12
i wouldn´t wear the ring of my late and loathed grandmother…..haha call me supersticious but material objects keep the energy from their previous owners within. Unless of course you clense the object with water, fire, earth and wind…..or some crystal quartz….or some salt water during a full moon….
still….wouldn´t the ring remind you of your grandma??? if you have a great job, and you have the money…go buy your own DREAM ring….no?