Post # 1
Hi Hive! I need advice…bad!
Here’s the scenario: One of my bridesmaids has a 6-month old right now. The baby is adorable, and I love my bridesmaid.
For the bachelorette party, we are headed to a little resort town on Lake Michigan for a girls weekend. We’ll be going to the beach, going to wineries, and going out to dinner/bars. We are planning to rent a little cottage.
My bm with the baby (who would be about 9 months at that point) sent out an email to the other bm’s saying "would it be ok if i brought my baby and a baby-sitter to the weekend? otherwise i probably can’t participate but would still help plan." I recently learned about this email from my Maid/Matron of Honor. Apparently, no one responded to her, and no one told me about it. In my opinion, the bachelorette party is not really a place for small children so I am a bit frustrated that she wants to bring her baby. On the other hand, I want my bm to participate…I love her! And I would be sad if she didn’t come because she felt she needed to attended to baby. I don’t have kids so I don’t know the intricacies involved with feeding a baby, etc.
So, what do you guys think? Is is appropriate for her to bring her baby? If that’s awkward, how do I broach the topic with her?
Post # 3
If she’s breast feeding, she obviously can’t be away from her baby for the weekend.
If she’s asking to bring a sitter, it sounds like she plans to leave the baby with the sitter- not bring the baby to all the functions.
I think her suggestion is a nice compromise.
Perhaps you could arrange accomodations so that you all don’t have to tiptoe around to keep from waking the baby- maybe get her a seperate hotel room nearby or something like that.
Post # 4
I agree with rosy. She’s bringing a sitter, she’s likely still breast-feeding (i have a coworker who HAS to bring his baby to my no-children-allowed wedding because the baby will be 11 months and still breast feeding) and you really can’t just say no. WHile i agree a baby isn’t exactly an ideal tag-along for a bachelorette party, I think it’s great your friend is bringing (and paying for) her own sitter. A separate room I think would be just fine! And at least your friend still wants to help and is putting forward that effort which I think is wonderful!
Post # 5
I agree with both posts. I have an 18 month old, when he was 9 months I don’t know if I could of left him for a weekend. If she didn’t mention anything about a sitter and just wanted the baby to hang out with you guys all weekend that would be one thing but she is not asking that. I say let her bring the and the sitter and have a great time and if she can’t do everything with you guys at least she is making the effort. Have a great time it sounds really fun!
Post # 6
I think it depends on what kind of bachelorette party your intending to have? Are you guys planning on getting drunk every night? I mean if it’s just a Girls Weekend I see no harm in her bringing her baby especially since she is paying to bring a sitter with. And you do want her there.
Maybe check with your other BMs to see if they will mind? I mean how is food/lodging etc going to get divvyed for the sitter? Some people get funny about money…
Post # 7
I’m going to go against the grain and disagree with the other posters. At 9 months old a breast-feeding mother does not have to be with her baby all the time. Lots of women I know will pump for a week or so before and then freeze the milk so the baby won’t starve while they’re away for a day or two. In fact, unless your friend and her baby are together 24/7, she probably already does this for when she’s at work, going out, for the diaper bag, etc…
Understandably, it might make her feel uncomfortable to leave a 9 month year old at home for an entire weekend, but is she married? Her husband (or involved grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc…) is presumably just as capable as she is of taking care of the baby while she goes out for a fun girls weekend. If she did bring the baby, even if she brought a sitter, the weekend would probably be a lot different than what you’re planning. Even if she only went back to feed the baby and not take care of it in any way (change it, put it to sleep, etc…) she’ll have to be back at the hotel room multiple times times during the day. I think it’s very fair to say that all of you and your bms are going to be affected by the mother and child’s schedule.
Post # 8
I think the fact that she offered to bring a sitter, and has said that even if she can’t come she’d like to help plan shows that she’s really just trying to form a compromise that works for everyone, which is more than a lot of new mums will do sometimes. She obviously knows that people don’t want babies around all the time or she wouldn’t have bothered to ask permission, and she probably wouldn’t have offered to bring a sitter. Expecting her to pump her breast milk for days so that you have total freedom in your schedule is a little strange in my opinion, and it sounds like you don’t dislike having her kid around, you’re just concerned about the impact of things. I would ask yourself what would have a bigger impact–one of your bridesmaids not being there, or having her be there with some extra commitments that predominantly affect her? Only you’ll know the right answer to that one!
Post # 9
I think I am siding with Mrs. Spring here! I can’t believe she really wants to come with the baby at all. You say you are going to be visiting wineries (what I did for my bachelorette) and going to bars – both of those involve drinking. If she is breastfeeding and that’s why she has to bring the baby, you can’t drink when you’re breast feeding. So she is going to come, but skip all the wine tasting? She’ll be missing out on a lot of things that everyone else will be doing. I know she is your friend, but this doesn’t seem like it would be fun for you or her.
If it were me, I would let her know in the nicest possible way that if she feels like she can’t leave the baby, maybe she should sit this one out and the two of you can go out for dinner and have a girls night some other time.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2009 - Rancho Bernardo Inn
I would say that it also depends on what kind of bachlorette party you are having and if it’s going to be rowdy and loud then maybe the baby isn’t the best thing.
However, since your Bridesmaid or Best Man is bring a babysitter it sounds like she is planning on participating with you all which I think is great. I’m not sure on the breast feeding issue since I’ve never had a baby, but it makes sense she may still need to do that. I think it’s really sweet that she offered and obviously she really wants to be there for you. Maybe you can talk with her more or have your Maid/Matron of Honor talk to her about the logistics.
Post # 11
@ES123- just because she wouldn’t be drinking doesn’t mean she won’t have fun- or isn’t fun to be around. I don’t drink at all- just don’t want to. I’m more fun sober and everyone likes having a designated driver who isn’t resentful that they’re ‘missing out on all the fun’ by abstaining!
Overall I think it comes down to how important it is to have her there. She’s obviosly a very considerate friend- thinking up a compromise that will allow her to attend without putting everyone out, and offering to bow out (and still plan!) if her compromise doesn’t suit you. She’s acting like a great friend- I’d want her there with me.
Post # 12
I think it sounds like she is making an effort to come. From the sounds of it your bachelorette party isn’t going to involve a whole lote that she can’t participate in (ie clubbing until 4am etc). Sure she may not be able to drink wine with the rest of you but she will be able to come and communicate in the bonding, which I think is really important. It is likely that you will not be 100% of her focus and that she may have to check in on the baby, but at least she is coming and will be avialable for one of your special prewedding events.
Post # 13
If she’s bringing a sitter, I don’t see why it would be an issue? Though, why doesn’t her husband/SO take the baby for the weekend with the help of a sitter?
Post # 14
It sounds to me like she has already found a comprimise by bringing a sitter with her so she can go out with everyone and not have to worrry about her child. It sounds like a good way for her to participate in the festivities. It sounds like a great idea to me.
Post # 15
I didn’t mean to imply she wouldn’t be fun because she’s not drinking. But the first poster seemed uncomfortable with the baby idea in the first place, and it sounded like the reason was because they were doing non-baby activities.
Post # 16
Hey everyone! Thanks for your input and advice.
@WestCoastBride I don’t expect her to pump breast milk for days just to come to this. This is not how I envisioned my bachelorette party though–true, I don’t want male strippers and I’d prefer something more relaxed, but I’m having a hard time getting over the idea of a baby at my bachelorette party!
@duckling I feel like if the baby comes, then it’s automatically going to be a non-rowdy event. Like the opportunity to be wild is stifled 🙁
@KateMW I’m not sure about why her husband or sister or mother (or all three) couldn’t take care of the baby. I’m assuming it has to do with breastfeeding? But I don’t want to ask this kind of question because I don’t want to offend her!
I think in the end the baby will probably join us because I do want my friend there!