- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Sorry about the formatting! I’m struggling with this new website layout!!
I posted two months ago that I had just found out my Maid/Matron of Honor was pregnant and due about 12 days before my wedding. She said she would be there no matter what and didn’t offer to step down and I kind of just went with it. Now, though, her midwife says she’s measuring several days late and bumped her due date back a week – so who knows when she will go into labor. She could have the baby a few days before or be over nine months pregnant at the wedding, there’s just no way to tell for sure. Even if she does have the baby a few days before, she’ll still be recovering. I am so happy for her and excited to meet her new child (her first child is my godson), but I am just not comfortable with the idea not knowing up until the wedding day whether or not my Maid/Matron of Honor will be able to attend. I need to talk to her about not being a formal bridesmaid for a variety of reasons:
1. We don’t even know if she’ll be able to be there. Plain and simple, there’s a huge chance she won’t be there, and we won’t know until very close to the date.
2. I don’t want her to feel stressed about attending and push her comfort limits with a brand-new newborn or while super pregnant. I don’t want her to be miserable attending the wedding either very pregnant or having just given birth. I don’t want her to feel obligated. I want her to be comfortable!
3. (admittedly selfish reason) I am purchasing the dresses and I really don’t want to buy a $200 dress in a giant size to accomodate a potentially 9+ month belly because I don’t even know that she’ll even be able to wear it, and if she does happen to still be pregnant by then and can wear it, she will probably never wear it again anyway because it will be so big all over!
I would like to ask her to, of course, participate like a bridesmaid and come to everything like the bachelorette and bridal shower. I just don’t want to feel like – or for her to feel like – I’m counting on her to be there for all of it. For the day of, I would ask her to get ready with us (if she wants to) so she’s in all those pictures and I can spend time with her in the morning. I’d like to ask her to run the guest book table, where she can sit comfortably and wear whatever she is comfortable wearing at that point and still help out with an important job. I would like for our programs to recognize her as an honorary bridesmaid (if she is okay with that!) and have my bridesmaid thank her in her speech at the reception.
I’m pretty set on this decision because I think it’s the least stressful option for literally everyone involved. However, I don’t know how to ask her gracefully. I am sure she will be bummed but I don’t want to hurt her feelings in any way because it is not a reflection of our friendship at ALL, it’s just logistics. I am hoping that maybe she will be relieved and that it takes stress out of her life, too, but life never really goes as we plan it I guess.
My second problem is how to ask one of my friends to join the wedding party in a way that doesn’t make her feel like a second choice. Help! This is so tricky.