Post # 1
I originally struggled a great deal with my final bridesmaid selection, trying to decide between a new friend who was getting really close to the other girls I had really choosen vs. a childhood friend I grew up but haven’t seen in a few years. I chose the new girl because she kept asking if I had choosen bridesmaids and she was growing close to us and it seemed like it would fun to do this together and felt bad about not including her. I know this is a bad reason in hindsight.
Well when I asked her she seemed so sincerely touched and started crying and we had a great moment and I thought for sure I had made the right decision. However, since then a few things have happened and she has been really hostile with me for other reasons. It’s a point where I feel really really awkward around her, and she acted like she didn’t want to even be there when we went dress shopping. Since that time we haven’t really talked and I’m starting to feel really sad and upset because I am no longer enjoying planning any bridesmaids stuff (such as the bachelorette party or picking the dress). I wish I had gone with my heart and picked my old childhood friend, we have been through so much together and she is genuinely happy for me.
My initial solution was to just ignore the behavior and try to enjoy my experience anyway, but it’s really difficult and has been hard for months. I also thought that if I had my childhood friend there then I would feel better, but my fiance is mad at me for making a bad choice and wanting to add yet another person to our party. He wants to keep the groomsmen and bridesmaids even, that was a big point of contention for us, he won’t let me add another girl.
I don’t know what to do, I think talking to her and disinviting her from being a Bridesmaid or Best Man would just be really hard in the long run since we have so many mutal friends.
Any advice?? 🙁
Post # 3
You can either:
A) put up with it and continue on as is
B) be the bigger person and try to settle the awkward turtle always in the room
C) ask her point blank if she really wants to be there to support you, and if not, see ya later!
Sucks, but that’s it. I’d choose C, but i also don’t understand why there is awkwardness, the reason may make a difference.
Post # 4
@AJester2: THank you for the reply! The reason why she is upset is because she was renting a room in an empty condo from me for a while and I originally said she could stay until later in the year but then the HOA said they were having problems with her fighting with her boyfriend and that we can’t rent the unit to these type of tenants. I also at the same time learned that it would be more financially beneficial for us to sell the condo sooner rather than later, so we asked her to move out and gave her 2 months free rent for her to find a new place without it being a financial burden. She’s been mad about that.
Post # 5
Sounds like you had no choice but to ask her to move out and then sell the condo and you did it in the best way possible…she needs to grow up and get over it…maybe you should talk to her about it…tell her you’re sorry for the inconvenience and having to go back on what you originally said, but there wasn’t much you could do about it and ask her if you guys can put it behind you so you can enjoy this season you’re in!
Post # 6
I don’t have a good answer to this unfortunately. I guess my first thought would be to try and talk to her about the situation she is mad about it and just figure out how to get past that. Tell her you are uncomfortable and feel awkward and want to be in a better place with her and your friendship together. You CAN talk to her this way and then tell her, you feel that it may be best if she isn’t in the wedding but you love her and you want to work on your friendship without that pressure. Which is what a good friend said to me a few months back. We had been having a REALLY hard time the last year and we were not in a good place. But we have been friends for 15 years. needless to say, I understood her rationale but it didn’t hurt any less. That coupled with many other things that have gone on the last year really strained our friendship the last few months. We are adults though and have recently talked this through and are moving forward. HOWEVER, based on the reason that she is mad in the first place, she doesn’t sound like the most mature person and someone that would forgive you or move past you uninvting her so whatever you do just make sure you are comfortable with the consequences. I hope you guys can just work it out!
Post # 7
I’m really sorry that you’re going through that! Is it possible that you’d still be able to ask your friend from home to also be a BM? Personally I think its more important to have the people with you on your big day that you want than having symmetry in photographs, but I totally understand that somepeople want to keep things balanced!
Regarding the Bridesmaid or Best Man in question, I also support @AJester2:‘s option C!
Post # 8
Look, if she is ruining the experience for you over a houing issue you had no control over, she’s not being a reliable friend. If your Fiance doesn’t want to add on another Groomsmen, then talk to this girl about the effects she is having. She may quit on her own. You may just need to nix her yourself, though. People are too worried about etiquette and firing bridesmaids, but if she is negatively effecting the experiences, then be gone!
Post # 9
Treat this as a friendship issue first. If you ask a bridesmaid to step down, or give her an out, or whatever phrasing you want to use for kicking her out, it will end the friendship. Talk to her as a friend rather than as a bride.