Post # 1
Desperately need advice. please post anon.
hey there. My fiance and I are going out tomorrow and there is a chance we will run into his ex girlfriend. Their break up was nasty….the drama ending with her sending him a paternity test for a child that was not his (and she knew it, was an attempt to break us up). She really wanted him back. ANYWAYS. I need advice on how to handle the situation if we see her or if she approaches us. Do I be fake nice? Do i tell her to fuck off? What would you do? She is a really nasty person who calls him names and stalks him to this day for not taking her back. Do i smile? Do i act like i dont know who she is? im quite a bit older so id like to be the bigger person but idk if this calls for it. cant fight her cause she is pregnant again hehe jk Thanks everyone!!!!
Post # 2
Just be an adult. Be polite, minimize contact.
Post # 3
Let him handle it. It’s not your job to do. And it might be a a good idea to file for a restraining order if she’s stalking him.
Post # 4
It depends on the scenario. If it’s a big street fair the answer will be different than if it’s a small funeral. Can you give some details so we can give you better advice?
Post # 5
I’d go with none of your options and just avoid her. And if I happened to have to cross paths with her, I’d just be civil.
You have nothing to gain by making a scene. If anything, you’ll come off looking like the crazy girlfriend.
And pretending you don’t know her or being all fakity fake nice is pretty immature.
Post # 6
Idk… if it’s an affair you don’t really need to go to I’d probably just skip it if I thought she’d be there. I don’t need drama like that in my life, I’m hardly going to seek it out. If you must go, then minimize contact. You don’t have to engage with her and to do anything else is unnecessary.
Post # 7
Diplomatic truth never lets you down. So as PP said, be civil but distant. Do not engage except for mild pleasantries. Grey rock her.
Post # 8
What sort of event is it? Will there be lots of people there? I think your role is to quietly evade her, let your fiancé deal with her, and if absolutely necessary be nice but non-commital. I would also sort of like pretend you don’t know anything about her if that makes sense? Like don’t give her the satisfaction. If you’re introduced just say “hi nice to meet you” as you would anyone, if you give her too much oxygen or attention or validation then she will feel important. Good luck! xo
Post # 9
Honestly I would just “ignore her”, not like pretend she’s not there, but just not be particulary nice nor not-nice, just don’t seek contact nor pay any more attention to her than needed. Say Hi and shake hands if the situation calls for it. No need to start a conversation. I’d just be “blank” and act “neutral” if she approchaed me. Like, answer if she speaks to me, but not engage in any further discussions. I think it would be rude to your husband to be fake nice to her, due to everything she has put him through, but I am not one to be nasty, just stick to being the bigger person, and put your energy elsewhere. Also, you don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she is somehow still affecting your or your husband.
Post # 10
Haha oh, I now see that the others have said pretty much the same thing that I just did. But I too think that’s the best way to approach it. I second what Happyjuju said. “Nice to meet you” is enough! 🙂
Post # 11
Civil, but cool, not warm and fuzzy.
Post # 12
happyjuju : beantime : Daisy_Mae : Daisy_Mae :
It is a street fair and I am going because it was the only day i am able to go. Im not going to miss out on things I have been doing my entire life just to avoid her. We obviously arent intentionally trying to seek her out- we have avoided her this long. We dont want to be put in this uncomfortable situation but in this small town anything is possible. The only reason this is even a question is because my guess is she is going to try to piss us off because she is immature and loves the drama and i have never been in this situation so I thought I would ask. My fiance is cordial anytime we run into rude people because he says theyre not worth it- they seek a reaction and he wont give it to them. We have ran into her family before and they are all extremely immature. Thanks.
Post # 13
TheGridMonster : Thanks for your feedback. I wouldn’t be acting like i dont know her in an immature way i would just be showing her she is irrelevant. And really, I have never met her in person so I truly dont know her. Like, if she came up to us I may not even realize it is her at first.
Post # 15
best thing you can do with people who are trying to get a reaction out of you is to act 100% neutral. As if you don’t care either way. Not fake nice, not mean. Just indifferent. Act towards her as if she is completely irrelevant to your life or you Fiance life. Act as if she is zero threat in any way and you would have no reason to believe otherwise. When you see her act how you would as if you had never met her and didn’t know anything about her. Trust me that is giving her zero to work with.
I don’t think you or your Fiance even need to speak to her in any way shape or form. She is irrelevant at this point. If you see her don’t visibly react or run away just simply don’t say hi or go over to her. I think that is perfectly acceptable.