Post # 1
So… Here’s the story, my Maid/Matron of Honor is a best friend from years ago, since then she has had a string of terrible relationships including a divorce. I have remained her “rock” for years, 2 am phone calls, both her manic and depressive states etc…when I got engaged I knew it would be tough for her, but I also knew that she would be really upset if she were not my maid of honor…
I have asked literally NOTHING of her for the wedding. The wedding is across the country from her (and my 6 bm for that matter) so they all have to fly in. Everyone has bought their flight, except for her. I have offered to pay her flight, she said it was fine. My wedding is in a month. Last night I found out that she has zero planned for the bachelorette party. She told the girls they could stay with me (I have a one bedroom apt) I told her that was pretty much impossible three of the girls were pretty pregnant…
I would have told her to scratch the whole thing excepteveryone is flying in (at different crazy times I’m sure) on Wednesdaybecause she had asked them to. Our wedding is not until Saturday. It’s a big wedding, my dad isn’t well, we have a ton of dynamics going on with my family as it is….. So, how do Ihandle this? I have already talked to her three times throughout the year, one time during Christmas and begged her not to flake andif she thought she may to have simply told me then, not now so I could get used to the idea. She is incredibly sappy in words, not in actions….. I feel like a loser planning my own bachelorette, my fiancé even offered to plan it…. Feeling like SUCH an unloved loser.
Post # 3
It sucks that she is being so unsupportive, but I don’t think it’s enough to make you feel like an “unloved loser.” You have six other BMs that are ALL flying in to stand by you on your special day! And who cares if you plan your own bachelorette party? You’re the one who knows all your BMs personalities, it’d actually probably work out better for everyone if you planned it.
You said your Maid/Matron of Honor is manic/depressive… I wouldn’t be too hard on her, no matter how disappointed I may be.
Post # 4
You have 7 people flying across the country to stand up in your wedding, and countless others attending to witness your union, and you feel like an unloved loser? I think you need some perspective hon. Also why is the wedding date next to your username in the past?
Post # 5
I think you need to back off from trying to make sure she comes and books her flight. If she comes because you pressured her, would it really hold much value to you? You metnioned you’ve spoken to her, so she knows how you feel. Let her figure her stuff out (or not). You’re a tough cookie– as much as it will be stressful for her to flake, you will handle it and be okay.
In the meantime, you’ve got 6 other friends who are showing you how much they love you. Focus on that and perhaps think of the bachlorette as not only a celebration for your upcoming wedding but also as something nice you can do for your friends!
Post # 6
@navyblueandyellow: I think the most important thing is to make sure she is even coming….I mean your wedding is a month out and she hasn’t even got her ticket yet?
I seriously think that your priorities are a bit off if you are only focusing on your bacheolorette party…..what makes it the duty of a Maid/Matron of Honor to plan it??
I get you are upset if she isn’t supportive and I’d be upset too but as you stated she is across the country from you and prob pretty hard to plan anything not even being near you!
I’d just be happy that she was by my side on that day supporting me and helping me that day…..you also have 6 other girls so try to focus on making the best of it. Seriously who needs a bacheolorette party anyway? That is hardly a priority to worry about in the grand scheme of things!
Post # 7
Whoops, my wedding date is when I set up my account… Yeah, good advice ladies, I was venting really…everyone is just turning to me for guidance and I was not prepared to have this on my plate too :/ it’ll all work out,plus I have the most fabulous fiancé 🙂
Post # 8
@navyblueandyellow: I suggest you ask one or more of your other BMs to plan your bachelorette, for the Thursday night. I’m sure, out of the 6, there will be someone who’d be happy to do that for you.
Post # 9
Let your girls know that they can’t stay with you and will need to provide their own transportation. Not the end of the world if you don’t have a bachelorette. And one of the other girlsmay step up by that time. Don’t stress about it. Have a backup plan in case she flakes and doesn’t make it, but don’t let it stress you out.
Post # 10
I’m planning my own bachelorette. I feel like bms have enough to do.