Post # 1
My husband and I have been scheduled to go on a group trip at the end of April with our other friends and some extended family members to Europe. When picking out the dates for the trip, everyone was pretty accomodating to my husband and I’s schedules–since our jobs are the trickest to plan around.
Here’s the thing, my husband and I are now in the throws of dealing with the aftermath of his affair. I have decided to stay together for the time being and work on it–but I have recently have found out more details. I need some time and space away and I cannot commit to this trip anymore. I can’t pretend everything is okay when it is not.
I do not want to tell everyone about the affair–my good friends and my mother know, but I don’t want everyone knowing. My husband’s family–a large italian family–is kind and well-meaning but often invasive and I’m not sure how to handle backing out of the trip to Europe. They will wonder what’s going on…and will ask questions..
Bees, I need your help to handle this in a way that is mature, respectful, and honours myself.
I need to take care of myself first..and I need some suggestions. Thank you.
Post # 2
Just tell them that your workload prevents you from taking a vacation at that time. Vacations get cancelled all the time.
Post # 3
Oh OP what a crappy situation 🙁 Are you willing to tell any of the party going what the true situation is? Are you friendly perhaps with one of the girls? If you are then at least somebody would be sympathetic to your situation & fight your corner if anyone talked trash about you for dropping out!
Failing that the only thing you can say is that your mutual workloads have changed so it it’s not possible & offer to pay if any money has already been put up front.
There is no easy way to do it but actually as long as no-one will lose out financially because of you dropping out I’m sure all they will be is disappointed.
Best of luck with everything 🙂
Post # 4
Sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Honestly, just tell people that something came up and you’re no longer able to go on the trip. Repeat it as many times as possible. Tell your husband he needs to play defense between his family and you and also repeat, as many times as possible, “Sarah can’t come. She just can’t. Stop asking her.” Just shut it down, no apologies needed.
Post # 5
Well, first of all, I’m impressed by your strength and patience in dealing with this. You have a lucky husband and I hope he is grateful.
Second, I have a large, loud Italian family, and I don’t think just trying to shut it down without explanation is going to go well. If anything, that will make it more “mysterious” and interesting. Fuel for the gossip fire.
Is he still going? If not, just say that his schedule has changed. If he is going, I would just let him communicate he has left work undone that must be taken care of (house repair, legal, whatever – the more boring and truthful, the better) and you are being generous enough to stay behind and take care of it so he can still enjoy time with his family. Either way, he should be bearing the burden of responsibility for the unfortunate outcome.
Good luck 🙁