Post # 1
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
Hello!
I am seeking a bit of advise from all the other gals out there. Here is the story:
My friend who I asked to be in my wedding is beginning to flake out on me a bit and I’m not sure why! I was engaged on Christmas day of 2012 and we are getting married in August. I asked my friend to be in my wedding just days after the engagement so she has known about this for a long time. Anyways, we talked a few months ago and she offered to help my mom with a shower. My mom emailed her a few weeks ago about the details and she NEVER responded. It appears she clearly chose to ignore it. She has also seemed to back away from me lately. She doesn’t call as much as she used to. She did get a new boyfriend and recently moved across the state (back to our hometown), but her distance is kind of bothering me.
I had to go back to our hometown (where she now lives) over the weekend for dress alterations and hair/makeup trial. I told her a few weeks ago that I would be there and hopefully we could meet up. She said that would be great! I was happy about this. Then, I called her Friday and we made plans to meet for happy hour on Saturday after my hair appt. She said she would call me in the afternoon. At 5:30 pm, I decided to call her. She told me she “forgot” and was with her boyfriend in another nearby town. They were going to a baseball game and she said they would go out after the game. She told me she would call me and we could meet up later that evening. I never heard from her.
I sent her a text message when I got back home. I told her that it hurt me that she didn’t make time to meet up with me when we had plans and I just wanted to get it off my chest. That was yesterday. I still have not heard from her.
I guess all I am expecting is an apology or explanation as to why she just blew me off. I also want to know why she never responded to my mom. I just feel like she really doesn’t want to be a part of my big day.
Another thing to note – my wedding party is small – only 3 bridesmaids. I am 30 and I don’t like to label my friends, so I’m not specifying anyone as Maid/Matron of Honor. I would hope they would all help me out if needed. As for the other 2 – one is my future sister in law so I don’t expect her to throw me a shower, and the other lives half way across the country, so that really isn’t an option.
Do you think I should find another friend to be in the wedding? Someone who clearly wants to be there for my fiance and I? I really don’t want to create a monster out of this, but I feel very torn right now. We are only 2 months away!! Help!
Post # 3
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
It seems like she may be to busy with her New bf. I would try talking to her and letting her know that if she is to busy that she doesn’t have to be in the wedding. I would honestly start looking for someone else. Bummer she’s being like that though.
Post # 4
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I voted for maybe. If you will no longer remain good friends then you can ask her to step down. However, if you are just looking for a different bridesmaid bc you want someone to throw you a shower or other extras, I would not replace her.
Post # 5
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
@future_mrs_taylor: Yeah, I think I need to talk to her about it. I’m afraid to come across as a “bridezilla” by bringing it up, but I feel like this is an important time for me, you know?
Post # 6
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
@gelaine22: We’ve only been good friends for about a year. I’ve known her a long time but we recently became close. I’m beginning to question our friendship over the long-term, now. It’s more about honesty. I would be okay if she came up to me and said, “I really don’t have time to help with a shower.” What bothers me is she is ignoring/avoiding the situation.
Post # 7
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
@al0818: I don’t think its bridezilla at all. You have stuff that you need to get done and she should realize that. I know that I wouldn’t want someone in my wedding that doesn’t want to be there or help out. Shes really being a bad friend.
Post # 8
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@al0818: If that’s the case then I would ditch her. But is your wedding in less than 2 months? If so, I wouldnt ask someone at this stage in the game.
Post # 9
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
@gelaine22: Yes, my wedding is in 2 months! I still haven’t heard a thing from this person after confronting her via text.
Also, I bought her dress for her. I did get a great deal on it, but she made a big deal about how she doesn’t have any money, blah blah. However, she has money to go out to the bars with friends and she also had plenty of money to go skiing all winter long..soo…Yeah!
I feel it is so late right now to make changes and I don’t want to be the bad guy, but I also want friends up there who I can trust!
Post # 10
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
Alright! I confronted her in an email. Hopefully this goes okay! :Z
Post # 11
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
I don’t think you should ever replace people in the wedding party. They aren’t there to be your personal assistants for wedding planning – they are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. If someone asked me to be a replacement bridesmaid, I’d decline and probably not go to the wedding either. What would it say about our friendship? “You weren’t a close enough friend for me to ask you in the first place, but since I need things done I’ll include you at the last second”? Yikes.
Post # 12
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
This is what happened with one of my Maid/Matron of Honor (I originally had 2). She never showed for anything and never did her part with anything. She ended up sending me a message via FB saying that she wasn’t going to be in the wedding. I didn’t replace her or any of the BMs that dropped out. Less girls, less drama. I didnt want a big Bridal Party in the first place. I was very happy with only having 3 of my closest by my side. I wouldn’t replace her. 2 is fine. You don’t want to be looking at your wedding pictures 20 years from now and see BMs you probably will drift apart from
Post # 13
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
@montrealjulybride: Wow – I don’t think that was the intention at all. No one needs to be my “personal assistant” but as a member in a wedding party, it’s pretty well known that there are some obligations on the day of. Oh, and your comment about “replacement bridesmaids?” It’s not like I have 30 BF’s standing up there with me. I clearly said 3 people. What kind of friend would ANY of my friends be if they said no? A true friend would be honored to stand up there with me and share in the joy of our new lives together (not be jealous about not being picked in the first place!) Grow up.
Post # 14
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
@montrealjulybride: Sometimes people do grow apart between the engagement and the wedding.
That said, I think it’s safer to wait to ask bridesmaids until closer to the time when dresses will be ordered — just in case something happens. We waited until we were engaged for about 6 months prior to asking people to be in our wedding party.
Post # 15
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
@lindseyl06: I totally agree with you. It’s difficult to be this close to the wedding and feel like someone doesn’t want to be a part of your day. I don’t want to replace her, but I also don’t want someone there who doesn’t want to be there. I just feel like she has been sending signals that she is not interested…
Post # 16
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
@MrsEdamame: That’s a great idea. I have only been engaged for 6 months – wedding is in 2 months.
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