Post # 1
Regular bee going anonymous and needed some help and advice!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, since I was 20. We have spent most of that time together as we have loved to travel and have moved a few times, interstate and to remote areas. Earlier this year he was away for two weeks, he had no phone reception so we barely spoke, since then I have been away for one or two long weekends a month but I am wondering if it is normal to not miss him at all? My girlfriends have said maybe I am just enjoying my independence?
Post # 2
anon2134: honestly, it probably depends on the couple. I miss my Darling Husband during the day when we’re at work, but I know other people say they don’t mind being away from their SO. If it were me, I’d probably think about breaking up if you were apart all that time and didn’t miss him at all. Just my two cents.
Post # 3
My husband accepted a new job about a month ago that is going to require him to travel about 5-6 times a year for 2-3 weeks at a time. Part of me is really dreading it because I know I’ll miss him, but I’d be lying if I said part of me wasn’t a little excited about some time alone. That doesn’t mean I won’t miss him like crazy, but alone time is good too. If you’re not missing him at all, then I might think about the relationship and whether or not you’re truly invested in it. It’s ok to enjoy some independence, but to say you don’t miss him is a little odd.
Post # 4
People and relationships have so many personalities. My question to you would be, would it matter to you if we could find some statistical averages about other behaviors and you found that you deviated from norm in those areas? IOW, if you both are feeling confident and thriving and relating well, does your place on the bell curve really make that much of a difference?
Post # 5
We’re apart quite often. He works out of town frequently or visits family and friends and I go to conferences a lot without him. We miss each other but we don’t pine for each other. Personally, unless you’re apart for a long time, I find pining a bit needy and insecure for my tastes. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and I love coming home to him (and vice versa) but I don’t need or want to be attached at the hip to him every moment of my life.
Post # 6
I’ll be honest and say I do find it a little odd.
I miss SO while we are at work or if we have plans away from each other. I have a cruise booked with girlfriends in 2 weeks for 3 nights that we are both dreading because we are going to miss each other.
That isn’t to say we don’t have fun when we aren’t together – we do, but are excited to see each other again.
Do you have much conflict in your relationship? Does your relationship prevent you from doing things you can do when your SO is away?
Post # 7
- Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.
Myself and my guy will be together 4 years in May and I miss him when I’m gone longer than just a work day.
Though, at the same time, I agree it could be you enjoying some space. It’s nice to just able to do what you want without consulting or answering to somebody else. Doing things on your own schedule.
Post # 8
I think it just depends on the people. I only see my SO on weekends, and while I would like to see him more, I don’t actively miss him, or at least not to any serious degree. Sometimes I’ll think, “I wish SO were here,” but it’s not like I’m crying over being apart. We still talk every day, so it’s not like I don’t hear from him all week. We’re planning on moving in together next year, and we know that’s going to be a big adjustment for us, but we’re looking forward to it.
Post # 9
You don’t have to miss someone when you’re not together. It’s normal and healthy to do things apart without being sad.
thepinkflamingo: I think it’s quite unfair to imply that the OP’s relationship might be troubled just because she enjoys the occasional weekend apart.
Post # 10
at the moment my Fiance works overseas for 6-8 weeks st a time with little opportunity for contact for 10-14 day periods. I cry when I say good bye to him at the airport and miss him being around the first few days. Then it gets ok. But I have pangs of really missing him and missing our talks as we share everything and this missing is particularly difficult if there’s something out of the ordinary happening. And I miss him at social things too. But on the whole I think I do ok and I like my independence too.
Your situation is a unique one as you’ve been together so young. It sounds like all your individual travelling and adventures together sound really healthy. Give it a bit longer and you’ll know if you’re really invested in your togetherness for the long term.
Post # 11
This is amazing, thank you so much for all of your advice and experiences 🙂
I think I was just worried because I used to be a whinging needy person who consistently needed to talk to her partner all the time and need reassurance. We have purchased a house together in the last year and whilst he hasn’t asked the question yet, I don’t see myself with anyone else.
I guess I might have found some self confidence and know he’s not going anywhere so that’s why I’m not worried when either of us is away. I was also concerned we might be drifting apart as we haven’t been as intimate lately however he has just started in his dream job whilst still helping out with the transition period and I work a full time job, a casual job and study my Bachelor degree full time by correspondence so I think the drifting there may be because we are both so busy!
Post # 12
anon2134: I used to be a needy person as well. Thankfully, I changed! He is actually gone this weekend and I’m enjoying myself doing crafts and eating meals he would never eat.
My “missing him point” usually comes after about 5 days apart. I think the time apart just makes our time together that much more appreciated.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church
My fiance and I have also been together for five years, and I have found my “neediness” has vastly decreased during that time. When I was in college I, like many college students, had lots of obligations and a very weird schedule, so I would get really upset when I wasn’t able to see him for a while, and I would downright panic if our plans fell through. I think subconsciously I worried that he would stop loving me or break up with me if I didn’t see him for a while. Now that we are engaged and living together, I don’t miss him nearly as much when we’re apart. I feel so secure in his love for me that I feel like he is with me even when he isn’t. So no, OP, I don’t think you’re weird.
Post # 14
I’m VERY independent. My husband is in the naval reserves so he has one weekend of drill per month plus two weeks of training out of state/sometimes out of the country. I’ll admit — I LOVE the time alone. LOVE it. On weekends when he has his weekends of Navy stuff I do not feel bad at all about making plans with my friends. I keep busy, I do my own hobbies independently, and we’re both really ok with it. This past summer he had his two weeks and I really enjoyed the first part of it, but by the end it was getting pretty lonely. We had also just moved into our current home and I was able to keep busy setting up things and putting things away, but then once that was done I realized how quiet it was without him.
I think it’s fine that you don’t miss him. It sounds to me like you are independent like I am and enjoy alone time. It may be weird to some people but it isn’t weird to me!
Post # 15
anon2134: DH and I have been together almost 6 years. For his job he is away frequently 1-3 nights at a time, and I thoroughly enjoy my alone time. I’ll get together with girlfriends or have a movie night alone at home. I do miss him and get excited when he comes home, but still enjoy being alone during that time and having space.
Side note: when I’m apart from my dogs for over 24 hours, I miss them so much it hurts.