(Closed) [Advice needed] FH’s mother….and my weight….

posted 7 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 3
Member
5181 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, my Future Mother-In-Law calls me a whore! ROFLMFAO Maybe your Future Mother-In-Law is just concerned for your health and the health of your future children? If it makes you feel uncomfortable maybe you should do something about it! Either loose some weight, or don’t and tell her she is making you feel bad? The important questions IS : do YOU feel comfortable and healthy in your own skin? 

Post # 4
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

awwww… first of all im sorry your fmil is making you feel so bad:( thats not right. if you are happy with your body and the way you look then tell her so! she has no right to belittle you.  its not really her place to talk to you about what kind of complications you may or may not have in the future because of your weight…. i mean im sure you know.  another option would be to start doing something with fi like walking… it could be great for the two of you and itd shut up your fmil… lol! i mean its never too early to start getting healthy πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I am so sorry to hear that she speaks to you that way. I can understand her desire for you to be healthier. Hopefully she cares for you and wants to see you live a long, happy, healthy life. You are also marrying her son, so she may have concerns about you having a healthier lifestyle together as well. All this being said, if you are happy with the way you are, then politely explain to her that you love the way you look and that it hurts your feelings when she takes jabs at you. Honesty is always the best policy in situations like this. If you would like to adopt a healthier lifestyle, make her feel involved by asking her exercise tips, and healthy recipes, etc. Remember you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. She will be elated. I wish you luck!

Post # 8
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Although she may not be handling it the right way, she probably is legitimately concerned. Atleast that’s what it sounds like to me. If it were purely superficial I feel like she would be talking about how you look not your reproductive health, know what I mean? And just because you don’t plan on TTC for a few years its never too early to get healthy!

Post # 9
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My mom says similar things pretty often. I know she’s not your mom, so you aren’t as close to her, but I’d just tell her you are trying to do something about it, but it really hurts that she constantly brings it up. Not in a mean or harsh tone and not in the presence of others, but just a little “Oh, btw, I know you mean well, but it really hurts when you constantly talk about my weight.”

Post # 10
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

How about saying “I don’t want to monopolize the conversation with worries about me!  I appreciate your concern but this is something I’m working on with my doctor.”

And if it doesn’t stop…  “I have heard your comments, but this is really something between my doctor and I, and I would appreciate if you would leave it to us and us alone.”

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i’m so sorry you have to go through this!  i have the same problem with my Future Mother-In-Law.  she’s said things to me on more than 5 occasions (in a matter of 6 months and infront of at least 3 other people), one was “she’s pleasantly plump” i could not believe it! i’m average size but i’ve never really been into working out, not because i didn’t need to (definitely do!) but because i’m lazy ha! Not until recently, after the holidays, have i started exercising…and that was when the said comment was made. like ok, everyone gains weight over the holidays and this was a week into starting my work out regimine, i felt like crap.  like your FI’s family, mine is also into a healthy lifestyle, but she isn’t super thin, therefore in no position to judge me.  i don’t get people like this.  after the last comment, i flipped on my Fiance when we got home because he didn’t say anything at the time (his brother actually stood up for me while i sat there in silent humiliation) and he talked to his mom and she hasn’t made any other comments since.  i’ve lost 15 pounds since the last comment and do you think she’s said anything about it? nope! but i do feel much better about myself since eating better and exercising.  Maybe talk to your Fiance and ask him to talk to her, I think its his job to handle all Future Mother-In-Law issues haha.  good luck and don’t listen to her =)

Post # 12
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I get the weight comments from *my* mom, not his. I have had several talks with my mom about not hounding me on my weight, and she has gotten better. FI’s sisters are both a little to somewhat overweight, and I do worry about my mom saying something critical (she hasn’t yet).

Post # 13
Bee
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

I would just thank her for her concern, but let her know that you’re dealing with it medically as best you can – that should give her a little nudge to back off a bit. I know it comes from love (mostly) but as someone who’s always been large and also has a background for it, I know how frustrating it can be!

Post # 14
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’d have your fiance say something to her about this. Next time she starts he needs to pull her aside and tell her you’re working on it with your doctor and there’s no reason for her to keep making comments.

 She’s a tool.

Post # 15
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I understand how you feel.. it’s mostly humiliating.. at least it was for me.  I have wide hips, while my aunts, mom, grandmom and sis have  almost unexistent hips.. and they were (still are) thin (in an average way), so I kinda grew up thinking that thin/small hips was the “normal” thing to have, and that I was not. (on the other hand, they also commented how awful were the big hips my dad’s sisters have) But the bad part was that my aunts were always making comments like: wow, “oh god, look at those wide hips!” (and in front of my boyfriend!, so I kinda wanted to drop dead), also said stuff like “you’ve got a butt, a weird shape, but you’ve got it” (this was when I was around 12!). Once one of them told me: your boobs are looking big! must be because you’re fat (I was kind over weight in that time, not too much though), that’s the only way you can have them. I always did like I didn’t hear, or laught, but those things really hurt me, and when my boyfriend realized the kind of things they said (I must be fair, it wasn’t common, but the moment I least expected they could say something like that) he got very angry at them, and told me to tell them to f*** off… anyway, I don’t know if I was over reacting, since I was very young (17 by that time), but once my aunt’s husband said something unpleasent about my weight, and I got really mad and made fun of his ugly nose! well, guess what? nobody ever said a word to me again! and it’s been 8 years… Anyway, I’m thin again, but I always remember those comments! When I was in high school I was also thin (never stick thin, since I have an average bone constitution, which I really love, by the way) and with my wide hips, which I thought where unattractive, and one day a friend of mine told me “I wish I had your hips! look so great with your small waist” and I got home, look at my self in the mirror and realized I DID look good… Anyway, at a point after I finished high school I gained a lot of weight (a lot for me, at least),  around 30 pounds, and my mom all she did was telling me I had to loose weight (Like I didn’t know it! but I was having anxiety problems and eating a LOT of chocolate and sugar, also didn’t help that my boyfriend (who was very thin by then), told me to stop worring about my weight and be happy, that I looked gorgeous anyway)

Anyway, I recovered my dream weight again, and I know I’m not plus size and so perhaps you’re not very interested in what I can say about it, but I just wanted to share these things! Because they made feel humiliated. And perhaps your Future Mother-In-Law is just worried, as I’m sure my mom was, but I understand perfectly how that can make you feel!!

Hope you can find a nice solution for your problem!!

Post # 16
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so sorry. And I don’t buy this “she’s doing it for your health” crap. I know skinny women who are very unhealthy, and bigger women who are in perfect health. So I’d have your Fiance tell his mother straight out that she’s making you feel like sh*t.

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