Post # 1
I have such a dilemma and I really need some advice! So my fiance and I just sent out our save the dates for our wedding next year. My mom had been in communication with a family friend who told her that we would be invited to her son’s wedding. This was surprising since my fiance and I are not close to either the bride or the groom, but we love his mom. Based on this information, plus my mother’s wishes, we invite their entire family (including the upcoming addition) to our wedding, even though we had meant our wedding to be a family and close friends type of event.
So we get the invitation today for their wedding, and my fiance isn’t even invited! I am shocked and hurt that he wouldn’t be included. We have been engaged for over 9 months. Does this seem strange to anyone else? Their wedding planning has seemed like a hot mess (my name and address were all wrong, our invite to the bridal shower was lost in the mail, etc), so I’m wondering if they just forgot to invite him? All I can say is that I am so disappointed that we sent them a save the date since I wouldn’t have invited them if they weren’t going to include my significant other.
Am I over-reacting? Is this normal?? Should I specifically ask them if he is invited? If so, is there a graceful way to ask?? And is there any way I can gracefully uninvite them (I’m not hopeful for this, but still).
Post # 2
Wow how rude of them. I would decline. And probably not send them an invite.. of send one of them an invite without the spose. But Im petty about this kind of stuff. Lets wait and see what other Bees have to say.
Post # 3
I would just ask them. Most wedding-related conundrums can be solved with communication.
Post # 4
first I would make sure this isn’t an oversight. A few months ago my fiancés friend gave him a wedding invitation but it was only addressed to him . I told my fiancé this means only he is invited but he insisted his friends would never do something like that so he called and asked if he could bring me. Turns out his friends fiancée had done the invitations and wasn’t aware he was engaged or in a serious relationship for that matter (to be fair he hadn’t been in close contact with his friend over the years).
However , if this wasn’t an honest mistake I personally wouldn’t go. They’re asking you to celebrate their relationship while disrespecting yours . I just would put myself in your fiancés position, would you be hurt if he was invited to a wedding solo and accepted the invitation? If it’s something he’d be ok with then I’d say go .
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
I would ask first. If he’s not invited, that’s incredibly rude of them and I would decline – they are expecting you to spend time and money celebrating their relationship while disrespecting yours.
Post # 6
Yes not inviting him was rude but it sounds like the mother forced the invitation. I guess I am not understanding all the angst, you admit that you are not close to the bride and groom so just decline the invitation.
As for your own wedding, well the opportunity to not invite them has passed. You had the perfect excuse (family and close friends) but you made the choice to invite them. Two rudes don’t make a right so no you should not uninvite them.
Post # 7
Why do you even want to go?
Post # 8
I want to go for a couple reasons. I want to see another ceremony/reception before ours to get some ideas. I love his mom and there will probably be some people that we know. And the biggest reason is that I already purchased the plane ticket because his mom told me in advance that our family was invited. I just assumed that would include my fiance as well. 🙁
Post # 9
Just ask. Maybe it was an oversight, in which case I’m sure they will happily clear things up. Or maybe it was deliberate, in which case any rudeness of you asking is kind of offset by their rudeness in not inviting him! Either way you’ll know for sure and can make your subsequent decisions.
As for uninviting them, well, you can do it. But not gracefully I don’t think, and you have to not care about insulting people…
Post # 10
It sounds like this was just an error on their part, especially if they got your name and address all wrong. Save yourself the drama and call them to confirm if you have been invited as a set.
Post # 11
Did your fiance also get a plane ticket?!
Post # 12
Thankfully not! We are long distance until I graduate from my program next May. The wedding will be back where we are both from in California, and I ended up having to go back that week for a conference, so I added a leg on to my trip to attend the wedding. I’m excited to go home to see him, but I can tell that his feelings are hurt. He’s such a kind, gentle person and it’s hard to see that he’s not included as part of our family when it comes to this wedding.
Post # 13
Okay, this could just be me, but I’m of the opinion that in ANY situation where you are asking a person to get on a plane or drive more than 3 hours to attend a wedding, they should automatically get a +1, even if they are your third cousin your mom made you invite. If someone needs to travel and book a hotel room (because they live far away, not because they want to drink) then they shouldn’t be asked to do all of that alone. Since you are a plane ride away I think not giving you a +1 is rude, regardless of the fact that you are engaged and they are invited to, and so know about your wedding.
You could call and ask, but maybe this is their way of politely telling you they really just want a friends and close family ceremony too, so please dont come. Not inviting my Fiance would be a 100% guaranteed way to make sure I RSVP ‘no’.
Post # 14
Just decline. You’re not close to bride or groom anyway.
Post # 15
Normally I’m up in arms that a fiancé or boyfriend/girlfriend should be included but I remember all the random friends and distant family my parents kept wanting to add, I know I didn’t go to much trouble about investigating about their kids and relationships, I just wrote on the invite what my parents said to write. I’m guessing that is what happened, your family friend told her kid they had to invite you and your parents so they just did the bare minimum and scribbled out the invitation as requested. I would ask if your fiancé can attend too and if they are so tight in space say no I would just decline as well and not worry about it.