(Closed) Advice Needed: Invitation Etiquette…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@kamrehi:  I had a smiliar situation. I am only inviting 66 total and 21 are HIS family.   

I would just tell her that while you appreciate her suggestions you are keeping this bery small and intimate.  You are happy she wants to include more people in the guest list but until you run it by your Fiance you can’t make any commitments on the guest list as its his wedding too.  


Good Luck!

Post # 4
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Awe man, that sucks. I can’t believe she’s taking it upon herself to invite people to your wedding. That’s just well….rude. I’d probably be up front and honest with her. I’d invite her to dinner or coffee and say something along the lines of

“Dear friend, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I would really like the opportunity to announce my wedding to those I am closest to. Also, I’m not sure if I have explained clearly that we are having a very small and intimate wedding. Everyone simply cannot be on the guest list. It is what we want and while I appreciate your suggestions the final decisions have already been made and the list is complete.” She’ll probably grump and grumble, but as long as you remain calm and firm she should come around.

Good luck! Sorry you have to deal with this. 

Post # 5
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

What number are you trying to get to total? Could you maybe send a few of these mutual friends an invite if you find out that others can’t attend?

If not, put your foot down. It’s sweet of your friend to try to help, but totally out of line for her to be inviting people on your behalf. Who is invited is a personal decision between you and your Fiance.

Post # 7
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

FI’s mom was doing this! It made me crazy and was awful. 

“Well, do you want me to call [random family member] and tell them that they aren’t invited?”

YES! Yes, that is what I want, since you called them and told them they were invited in the first place. Please go tell them that you screwed up and shouldn’t have invited people before we had a finalized invite list, or, you know, at all. 


Go with sapphiregriffin’s advice with your friend. Thank her for her interest and excitement and explain that until you have a final invite list NO ONE is invited. Make no assumptions. 

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