(Closed) advice needed (long)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Tell her everything you know. Don’t name anyone elses names, just tell her what you’ve seen and do some research (I can tell you for a fact, I had an ex hooked on oxycodone — falling asleep while talking, slurring speech — You betcha he’s on drugs).

If your sister doesn’t believe you or doesn’t see if for what it is, there’s NOTHING you can do about it. I had my parents, HIS MOM, my best friends and even HIS friends telling me he’s no good, this that and the other — and I still stayed for over a year. She will eventually get to her breaking point, but at least you will be able to sleep at night, knowing you were upfront and honest with her and that you’re trying to help!

Good Luck! It’s a really tough situation!

Post # 5
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Tell her everything, and then at the end tell her that if she believes his lies, then you can no longer stand by and watch her destroy her life by staying with him. See if some of the friends will come forward and tell her as well, so it is not just you telling her these things. Its going to be a tough road, but imagine if the cops come and raid their place, and she gets locked up for illegal stuff that has nothign to do with her?? Or something equally or even more worse than that…

Post # 6
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is going to sound weird, but could you somehow secretly video tape him at a party when he’s behaving this way? Or call her pretending it’s an emergency and get her back to the party to see for herself? It just seems if she’s in THAT much denial and has let him out of it once already she needs to see it for herself one way or another.

Post # 7
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010


Wow. I was thinking the same thing. A camera cell phone or video cell phone?

Because it does sound like she needs to see for herself. 1. So she dosen’t think you are lying (for whatever reason)

2. So he can’t “fake” her out anymore and pretend he’s mr. perfect.

Post # 9
4824 posts
Honey bee

He’s an addict. My brother is and its the same. Addicts are really good at lieing and making people who love them and are close to them believe them, because they want to believe them.

You can tell her everything, but I wouldnt be the only one to do it. You need to do it with friends of hers that agree with you. An intervention of sorts. However, be prepared for it to backfire and for her to be very angry with you and not speak to you.  If that happens hopefully she will eventually come around that “did it for her” but don’t guarantee it. Its like the wife who blames the mistress for her husbands cheating. It doesnt make sense, but it happens.

A secret video I think is a bad idea. If she is in denial she will explain away the behavior. If she is not, she will not look kindly on your for “interfering” in her life.

I think you CAN call her last minute at one of these parties for her to come to surprise her Boyfriend or Best Friend there when he is acting like that, but again she might not even really recognize the bad behavior as anything then him “just letting loose”.

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