(Closed) Advice needed – No where else to turn

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureMrsHaggarty: You NEVER deserve to be hit.

Physical abuse is never ok and never deserved.

Yes, you shouldn’t have texted his ex back, but that doesn’t mean there is an excuse for him to hit you.

If he’s hit you once, things will only get worse from here. An explosive outburst like that is very scary and the fact that he could not control his anger towards you shows that he is dangerous.

Do not try to get him back please. By doing so you are only telling him that hitting you is an appropriate response to anger and setting yourself up to be hit again.

Run far away, you do not want to marry a man who hits you.

Post # 5
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think the community here supports physical/verbal/mental abuse so I really don’t believe that anyone here will give you advice on getting him back. 

 

Post # 6
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@FutureMrsHaggarty: I think you’re going to hear a lot of that and I’m not sure you’re going to get a lot of advice on how to get back an abusive man.

Good Luck!

Post # 7
Member
16 posts
Newbee

1) No matter what you did, a guy NEVER has the right to hit a girl, NEVER. So don’t think you deserved it because you didn’t

2) You weren’t really violating his privacy because he showed you the initial text anyway.  That txt just didn’t sit well with you so you txted her back.  It’s not like you snooped around and read all of his other txt mesages…I think.

3) Give him time to cool off.  He is really mad and needs to just unwind for a while.  I’m sure he will come around and when he does, or you can make the first move, tell him how it has nothing to do with him, but the message just didn’t set well with you and you wanted to let her know that. But on second thought, If it were me in your situation, as much as you don’t want to hear this and as much as I probably wouldn’t listen to it myself if someone told me, I would have to think twice about being with a guy who was going to hit me when he got mad, even if he was furious and I thought i deserved it.  I hope things get better for you, I really do.  

Post # 8
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureMrsHaggarty: Unfortunately you cannot dictate the responses you get.

I would suggest you go see a therapist about what happened. Talk everything through, figure out why you think it is ok for you to be hit and then decide if he’s worth trying to get back.

If you do really want to get him back, I’d make sure he goes to anger management classes to ensure this never happens again.

Post # 10
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@FutureMrsHaggarty: Not terribly ironic. I don’t believe therapists have many tips for getting back abusive men, you really are in a pickle!

Post # 12
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@FutureMrsHaggarty: You are going to hear repeatedly on this site to run far far away from this man. This is a very loving and supportive community and we don’t want to see you abused. I am sorry but I have to say I am praying you don’t get back with this man. Up until this point you only saw the good side of him. If you marry him you will see that other side that popped out more and more frequently. You dodged a bullet girl….definitely something to be thankful for! I know you don’t want to see this and you have said that you don’t want to hear this but this man is not a good choice! Please! I say this because I have been there and it was hell and it cost me my unborn son. If only I had known what you know now I would never have married my ex. Stay away from him for your sake and your future kids sakes.

Post # 13
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

@FutureMrsHaggarty:  I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m disturbed that you say you deserved to be hit AND that you asked him to hit you again and he did it.  His hitting you is not a functional response to your betrayal of his trust, and you asking him to hit you and him doing it…well, that’s just dysfunctional on a whole other level. 

Honestly, with your obvious trust issues and his anger issues, I would say you’re probably better off apart.  Maybe both of you should get some individual counseling before trying to resume a relationship.  If he’s unwilling to do so, then I wouldn’t try to get him back at all. 

Post # 14
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@FutureMrsHaggarty: If you didn’t think of it that way, you wouldn’t call yourself a victim.

Just because someone doesn’t understand/realise/know the definition of abuse, doesn’t equal them not being abused.

Post # 15
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@FutureMrsHaggarty: Yes, it is still abuse. He hit you, and that’s NEVER okay. 

ETA: This is not meant to be snarky, but seriously–as a therapist, you should know that it’s never okay to hit someone, and that it’s still abuse even if the victim doesn’t consider it abuse. 

Post # 16
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@FutureMrsHaggarty: Yes, it is still abuse even if the victim doesn’t consider it so. That line of reasoning can be used with other therapeutic issues, like anxiety, but not in abusive situations where the victim is being struck across the face as retribution for an action.

And yeah, don’t think you’ll get a lot of tips for finding such a man.

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