Advice needed on best approach to bridal party situations

posted 10 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

I say ask her and then go ahead and create a group chat or something with everyone included. There’s no rule saying you have to ask your entire bridal party at the exact same time. If you had to choose between your ‘add in’ bridesmaid and your friend’s wife – leaving out the fact that the first has just asked you to be a bridesmaid – who would you rather have standing with you?

Post # 3
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’d just ask. To your point, no one knows who is in or out- and even if they did- it’s your wedding. Same thing with the additional groomsman. Don’t worry about his girlfriend. I’ve been in weddings and my husband hasn’t- and the other way around. Enjoy your day! 

Post # 4
3592 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I think you are overcomplicating things.

First, with the bridesmaid you want to add – I find it a bit odd that you needed the validation of being chosen as a bridesmaid in her wedding to determine thatyou are, in fact, close friends. You wanted to have her in your bridal party before but didn’t want to ask just in case she didn’t consider you a close friend? How close of friends can you possibly be if you were unable to determine for yourself that you two are close? How do you define “close”?

Assuming that you do go ahead with adding her as a bridesmaid, it is up to your FH to decide whether he wants to add another or not. You don’t *have* to have evenly numbered parties. However, it sounds like he wanted this guy in his party anyways and the only reason he wasn’t originally included was so the numbers would match. So yes, he should ask him to be in his wedding party.

Just because one half of a couple is in his bridal party doesn’t mean the other half has to be included in yours. I highly doubt it will even occur to her to be upset or hurt by not being included. You say that you are close as couples and always hang out in a group, but do you two ladies ever hang out just the two of you? 

Post # 5
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I added a bridesmaid a few months after asking my other bridesmaids. It was someone some of the other bridesmaids knew. She was apart of my “friend group” in high school and we ended up catching up a few months after I asked my bridesmaids and I realized that we were still very close even after not seeing eachother for a while so I asked her! Honestly I didn’t bother to point it out to anyone but my Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t want her to feel like she was any less important by calling attention to the fact that she was asked after everyone else. So the next time I had something to say to all of the bridesmaids I just included her in the group text. I think one person asked in the group chat “who’s number starts with xxx?”  and she answered with her name and there were no further questions! Everyone just knew that she was a bridesmaid and treated her as such. 

Post # 6
3789 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I don’t think it’s a big deal to ask a bridesmaid after you’ve asked all the others. If anyone questions it (which they shouldn’t because that’s rude lol), just say you wanted her as a bridesmaid but you and Fiance hadn’t finalized bridal party numbers yet or you hadn’t had a chance to ask her yet.

Also not a big deal at all to have his friend as a groomsman and not his gf as a bridesmaid. Every one in our wedding part is in a relationship and none of their SO’s are in our party. We often hang out with them as a couple. It’s not weird at all. 

Post # 7
12317 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

You don’t have to ask everyone at the same time. Maybe you were waiting to do it in person. Maybe the relationship has become closer. It’s really nobody’s business. Personally I would not do a group chat in any case.

Your sides do not have to be even, and should not be if numbers don’t naturally happen to work out that way. What is insulting is to be added as a prop. 

Ask those with whom you have a close relationship and wish to give the honor. 

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