Advice needed on big life decision…

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2845 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I can’t really give you advice on what YOU should do but if my Fiance and I were in that situation we would probably move. Fiance makes much more money than me, we also live in an area that has super cold winters, it would just be a no brainer for us. From your post it doesn’t seem like you really have very much to lose but a whole lot to gain if you were to move. Dallas could be a whole new opportunity for you and it will become “home” when the two of you adjust because you will be together. I would move and take full advantage of the new and exciting opportunity. 

Post # 3
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

appleblossom217 :  If it were me, and nothing major was tying us down like family, kids, being a very integral part of a specific community like a church or volunteer group that was really fulfilling– I would move. 

I’m like you, Dallas is just “meh” for me, but in general—I could be happy there if we moved and it somehow became home. There’s plenty to do, the weather is better than a lot of places and you’re basically a direct flight from anywhere you could ever want to go. It’s still relatively “inexpensive” as far as major metropolitan areas go [ at least compared to other major cities] and so the dollar still stretches in Texas.

Post # 4
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

appleblossom217 :  If I were you, and the offer looked good, I’d move, and stash as much money in savings as possible so if you guys are miserable there, you will have the ability to relocate.   You might like Texas.  I have family in Austin and they just love it.   Good luck whatever you choose!  🙂

Post # 5
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

When you’re in a marrige I think you need to decide whose career is going to take precedence.  Some may disagree with me, but bills need to be paid.  In my marriage, my husband’s career is “more important” than mine.  He’s a physician, went to school a heck of a lot longer than me and has a ton of student loans to show for it.  Therefore in my case, if he got a great job offer, it would be a bit of a no brainer.

My husband also moved completely away from family to attend med school, not knowing a sole in my city.  He stayed after residency because he liked the area so much.  He’s made a lot of friends; more than he had back home.  So even though it’s not easy to start somewhere new, people do it all the time.  Since you don’t have many ties where you’re at right now, I think now would be the time to make that move.  Nothing says you have to stay in Dallas forever, but it’s much easier to move before you have kids.

I’d do it.

Post # 6
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m born and raised in Dallas, don’t do it 🤣🤣🤣  I hate Dallas. If we had the opportunity to go elsewhere, we would.  It’s become SOOOO crowded because just like your SO’s company, everyone is moving here. It’s insane.  The housing market has skyrocketed and while it’s still a good place to live cost of living wise, it’s not what it once was.  And don’t get me started on traffic.  All that aside, I’d be happy to answer any questions you have in PM if you like. 

Post # 7
972 posts
Busy bee

I say go for it! This decision doesn’t have to be forever. You can always move back. But you can choose to see it as a fun adventure for a few years and who knows you might love it.

I am the primary breadwinner. Darling Husband took the leap with me and moved from New England to Florida for my job back when we were just dating. We ended up staying for 4 years and just moved back to New England in May. I’m so glad to be back, but I’m also glad I went. It was very beneficial for my career and it strengthened our relationship to go on a new adventure together. Sure, it was hard to make new friends and adjust to a completely different culture, but it was also such a good learning experience. The southern way of life is much more laid back and relaxed. It was way too slow for my liking, but it did teach me to value work life balance, etc.

Another benefit is the lower cost of living. We were able to make a significant dent in student loans which enabled us to buy a house when we moved back. It’s a good way to save up some cash and get a head start on your future.

I think you are more likely to regret it if you don’t even try, than if you go and it’s meh for you. Just talk to your SO and make a plan “if we don’t both love it by x date, we will start working to move back”. But keep in mind most relocation packages require you to stay for a year or two or you have to pay it back. 

Another word of advice- relocation packages are pretty easy to negotiate. Often they have different standard amounts for married vs single, but he could probably easily argue that you’re his partner and they should give him more since you will be relocating with him. Some companies even offer career coaching to help the spouse find a new job. 

Post # 8
1127 posts
Bumble bee

Money isn’t everything but it is a top reason for divorce. Couples financially better off typically do better in the long run. Let your SO take the career opportunity with the promise that you can move back in 5 years if you hate Dallas. This will give you sufficient time to build up a nice nest egg and feel out the city. 

Post # 9
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

This company values your Darling Husband a lot, and this is very important for those lucky enough to have it. Make the move. It will be a big upheaval but will be worth it. 

If you absolutely hate it you can try something else later. But that will be then, this is now, and the right thing now, is move.

Post # 10
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would move. It sounds like the only thing holding you back is fear of the unknown and familiarity with where you are. Yes, it will be hard, but if your SO’s boss has been wanting this relocation for a while now, that won’t disappear. Either he’ll continue to request this relocation until you relent (and it’s much harder to move with children involved), or he’ll choose someone else who is more willing to relocate, and your SO could lose out on advancement. Now is the time to move, before it gets harder and there is more to prevent it. Plus, as someone who was born in the south, and recently traveled somewhere north for New Years, I can’t imagine living somewhere where the winters are bitter cold.

Dallas is a bustling city. I’m sure you’d be able to find something there. Not to mention, your job sounds a bit tenuous.

Post # 11
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I think you’re right to pause and think this through.  Moving can be challenging at times — making friends takes time and effort, it takes time for a new city to feel like home — so I feel like you have to be mentally prepared for what’s to come.  For me (as well as my FI) where I live makes a big difference in my lifestyle so I am not willing to move anywhere I don’t like or am indifferent about.  But I also know plenty of people who are better at being happy anywhere.  Is there a reason why you and your Darling Husband couldn’t also interview for jobs in your current city or other cities you like better? It might help you to compare and think through your options.

Post # 12
294 posts
Helper bee

sunnierdaysahead2 :  

I agree. Even when I was in the corporate world, my husband’s career took precedence because he earned more than double what I did. If I was the breadwinner, then my career would have been the first consideration in all situations. 

OP, I feel that making the move would be in your best interests. It sounds like this move makes sense financially and logistically. You can always make new friends, find a new job and keep in touch with your loved ones. 

Post # 13
1638 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe I just move around a lot and don’t see the big deal, but if I were in this situation I would definitely move. If you haven’t moved around a lot before I guess I understand the reticence, but it’s really not that bad. You’ll make new friends. 

I don’t agree that one person’s career has to take precedence, though it is difficult balancing both. My FH and I both value our careers and make similar amounts of money, so we sort of trade off in sacrifices. 

Post # 14
10027 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

As a Fort Worthian, Dallas sucks. It’s too crowded and the traffic is awful. But, if you move a little outside of Dallas proper it’s better. My husband says DFW is a lot like a giant Grand Theft Auto map cause it’s 100 cities all attached to one another so you have lots of variety. 

I’d take the opportunity and move. 

Post # 15
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

appleblossom217 :  do what makes *you* happy. I would only move if I wanted to myself, definitely not for just a boyfriend.  Make sure this is something you want too.

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