(Closed) Advice needed on situation involving inlaws and our baby. Please?

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 31
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Get a guard dog. Station him at the front door, and let him do the work for you. 🙂

In all serioisness, they simply would not be allowed around my child until they learned to behave themselves. I do not suffer ridiculous behavior.

Post # 32
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your baby, your rules. Sit down with your DH, lay out your concerns and come up with a concrete plan of action that will get your point clearly across to them, hopefully without burning any bridges. They are your DH’s family but YOUR family (you, your DH and Hildon) takes precendence. 

Post # 33
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
taKtical525:  boundaries need to be set in place asap.

when you have a newborn, and family lives far, they should come to you as getting in a car to drive over an hour is a job in itself. Maybe you can compromise and agree to visit them once a month.

explain what you did in your OP that DH works all week and your weekends are your time to bond with baby. 

And grandma needs to be put in her place. She cant just demand to hold the baby and ignore you! 

Post # 34
417 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like a win to me.  Leave things be. 

At this point in her life, all a baby needs is food, shelter, love, and safety. You and hubby can make sure she has all four. 

If their son and grandchild matter enough to them, your in-laws will reach out. At that point, your husband can say something like this. “These are our house rules. No one disrespects my wife. No one puts my child in jeopardy. These rules are not up for discussion.

I love and respect you both and grandma also. I want all three of you in our lives. But I’m a husband and father now, those are my primary responsibilities. Until my wife is feeling better and until the baby is a little older we will not be traveling. You are welcome to come to our house, as long as, you abide by our house rules. Great grandma will not be carrying the baby, because she is not study enough on her feet. She’s welcome to hold the baby in a chair. Again none of this is up for discussion. You are welcome to to disagree, but you are not welcome in our house unless you follow these rules.”

However whatever he decides to say, he should plan it in advance and I would hope it would include something about respecting his wife and keeping his child safe.

(I’m suggesting your husband have the conversation, because this is his parents and grandmother.)

Post # 35
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
taKtical525:  if someone tried to peel my baby away from me I would have reached out and punched them in the face! I dont care WHO you are…IM the momma here. You serously need to tell your DH this behavior is not ok…and if it doesnt stop your not going to be around her/shes NOT allowed over! 

The IL’s …they need to get over themselves. I refused to go out to other peoples houses when dd was born, if they dont want to stay longer than 15-30 minutes thats THEIR problem not yours hun! 

Post # 36
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is so so common. Sounds like they just really want time with the baby, so my guess is this cold shoulder they are giving hubs is temporary/manipulative act to try and get away with being dicks. Have hubs lay down the law about what you expect (respect wise esp) and what is a reasonable expectation from them in terms of visiting.

Post # 37
545 posts
Busy bee

Part of being a grandparent is to lead by example. Same with a parent. Don’t allow this behavior as you are showing your little girl that these actions are acceptable. If you can’t get through to them with words, you and your husband can write them a letter, together. Outline what you feel is acceptable and be firm about it. No need to be a bitch, as that can easily be turned into immaturity. Just be firm and assertive and stand behind what you say. I’m sure you’ll never win the battle, but at least they can see what you’re saying if they won’t listen to it. 

Good luck bee! We don’t have children yet, but we are experiencing a lot of the same aggressiveness from my parents since we got engaged/married a few years ago. Not looking forward to living so close to them (20ish min) when we start our family..

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