- 6 years ago
Hi, I have been a long time lurker but feel I need to ask your advice.
I was with my fiance for 2 years. We met online and he lives 3 hours from me. He runs his own business and is busy with this. He has his own house which is pretty run down and hates decorating/building. He has promised me several times he will do his house up and rent it out and move in with me. He sets deadlines then never meets them. In fact, his house hasnt even been started on renovations. I have given him ultimatums.
He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. We split up in March 2012 as I felt he was never going to move in with me. We had no contact for 2 months but then rekindled our relationship although for me the trust has gone as to whether he can keep to his word about moving to be with me. He wants to sort things out although he has said it will take him until next Spring 2013 to sort his house and rent it out and he doesnt want to let me down by telling me a time sooner that he will be ready.
His argument is that he works long hours in his business all week and comes to see me at weekends so cannot get any house renovations done. He cannot afford to pay someone to do them. He hates decorating and has never done anything to his house ie there is a hole in the ceiling from a water leak that has been there for 4 years!! He is like this in various aspects of his life – very laid back!! very frustrating to me sometimes!
He has been trying to get work in my area with his business and this is building up slowly but steadily. He is a mobile mechanic on classic cars and he spends a week at a time with me working on his business and new customers. This happens about every 6/8 weeks.
I am 44, widowed with 3 children. 17, 16 and 9. My 16 year old is autistic and can be difficut and I have asked my boyfriend if he truly wants to live with us but he says he does. I wondered if my son was putting him off. My 17 year can also be a typical prickly teenager. He does get on really well with the kids though. We have had several weekends away all of us and two week long holidays abroad with no problems at all.
He is 42 never been married, one live in relationship for 3 years on and off – very messy – in his late 20’s/early 30’s. He has no children and is very independent.
We got engaged last September as he knew that was what I wanted but he is not that bothered about getting married but knows it is important to me. However when we talked about weddings he did seem quite excited. We were planning on getting married in June 2014.
So my dilemma is what to do? Do we carry on seeing each other? Can I ever really believe he is ever going to move to be with me or am I wasting my time? The only thing we argue about is him moving and when! He has been a complete rock to me after my bereavement – I met him nearly 2 years after my husband passing away but I was still grieving in some ways and had some ups and downs and he was always there for me and totally supportive.
My friends all think I have given him enough time and he will never move to be with me as he has the best of both worlds – space for himself in the week and me and the family life at weekends; he loves being part of a family as he has no siblings and describes my kids as his family!
Please help as so confused! Thanks for reading …