Post # 1
My husband and I aren’t telling family until after our 8 week ultrasound, so we’ve got some time to plan but I’m looking for some advice. My SIL had a miscarriage in October at around 7 weeks and is still having a really hard time with it. At that time, I let her know about my chemical pregnancy in August and she found some comfort in someone who (sort of) shared her experience. In general, we aren’t very close but this was a time when we felt closer. She even made comments that she hoped we would be pregnant together someday.
Fast forward to now- our other SIL is pregnant and so am I. i think she knows about the other SIL and seems to be struggling with that. We will probably be ready to tell family in about 2 weeks and I feel like it’s going to be a one two punch for her. I want to be able to celebrate our good news but also want to be sensitive to her. Any advice?
im thinking of telling her one on one rather than in a group and maybe on the phone so she has some time to process it privately. But… I also dont want to make her feel alienated if we tell the rest of the family together/in the same way. Any thoughts are welcome!
Post # 3
You could do as you said, tell her on one one? But tell her first, don’t not invite her and let it be an after the announcement phone call.
Maybe she’ll find some comfort in the fact that you got pregnant again!
Post # 4
@yougotme: +1 to what @MsJ2theZ: said. As a person who is currently struggling with infertility (2+ years now), I know that when I hear an annoucement that a dear friend is pregnant I am very happy for them! But, I also feel sorry for myself. It takes some time to process those emotions, therefore finding out in a big group and having to pretend everything is okay is very difficult. I would recommend telling her one on one, or giving her a call before the big family annoucement. I think prefacing it with a statement like, “Out of respect to you and your loss, I wanted to let you I am expecting again before we tell the rest of the family” or “I didn’t want to ambush you with this news”. Something like that?
Post # 5
@yougotme: I know how excited you must be! My husband and I told our families on Christmas, when I was almost 10 weeks. I’ve also given this a lot of thought because one of my best friends and I started TTC around the same time. She got pregnant pretty quickly, and then sadly miscarried at close to 9 weeks. I got pregnant the next month after that and am currently 13.5 weeks. My advice would be to wait until you are further along to announce, simply because I saw my friend’s face when a girl we both know announced her pregnancy at 10 weeks. For me, I feel a bit like if you announce before the second trimester you are kind of saying that you won’t have a miscarriage, that you think it couldn’t happen to you, and I think for my friend, that made her feel terrible. I think someone else’s confidence made her feel worse, if that makes sense? Perhaps couch your announcement in “well, it is still very early but since you are family we wanted you to know sooner.” I hope I am making sense here, no matter what you decide it sounds like you are sensitive to your SIL’s feelings, which will help. Good luck and congrats to you!
Also, I totally second telling her privately (over the phone might be best) before your big announcement, so she can process her feelings first.
Post # 6
I would definitely tell her first, and one-on-one!
(And congrats to you on your good news!)
Post # 7
Thanks for replies. It seems like I’m on the right track, and the wording suggestions definitely helped.
Post # 8
I love your idea of telling her one-on-one. I think the news will be hard for her no matter what, but being sensitive to her feelings will definitely help. Congratulations to you!!
Post # 9
I know for me, when someone took the time to pull me aside via email, phone call or whatever to let me know privately, I really appreciated the heads up. I’ve done better via email than either of the other methods since that allowed me time to cry and rail at the world that I was getting left behind again and time to get past that so that I could then show the happiness for that person that I felt.
Post # 10
@yougotme: that is very sweet of you. I would probably call and tell her first. Just be sure to get off the phone fairly quickly. That will allow her to have a good hard cry and then be happy for you. Think about it like when you are a waiting bee– you may get jealous to hear someone getting engaged before you and have your moment, but then you are so happy for them. I am sure she will be happy for you