(Closed) ADVICE needed – trying to avoid drama =

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
4824 posts
Honey bee

Yes you are making a big deal

1) I think its asking a lot for people to travel for a bachlorette. Its expensive

2) Her traveling last year has no effect on her money situation this year, your bachlorette and graduating next year.

3) New York is still a great city with many great things to do. 

4) You can ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man to check in with your Maid/Matron of Honor and offer ideas if you are afraid of what she will plan

5) demanding matching outfits and the purchase of new shoes for a bachlorette is over the top. I get “same color outfit” but I do not think you can demand shoe color.

Post # 4
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@lefeymw: I agree with everything you said.

OP – My bachelorette was a mani/pedi, dinner, and a ghost walk. My girls wore whatever they wanted. It was cheap, cheerful, relaxed and we all still had fun. I think you need to let go a little. No matter where you are, you’re going to be surrounded by the people you love, so just enjoy the why and not so much the how.

Post # 5
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’re being a bridzilla, let’s come back to reality.

These girls don’t even have to throw you a party, let alone cater to your every wish. 

Really does it matter that much where it is and what everyone wears?  Please, get over yourself and be greatful you have amazing friends.

Post # 6
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

OP, you really need to reign it in. Not even a little, in a major way.

“Confront” her? Really?

Post # 7
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yes, but here’s how you can resolve the issue w/out losing a friend.  If you really want to go to Miami, then start planning w/ another one of your Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Even though I love New York, there’s nothing like partying in Miami. 

I didn’t have a bachelorette party but am planning a girls trip later this yr.(Moved our wedding up 4 months)  My Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t a partier so a trip to Vegas was out of the question.  No biggie to me so several gfs and I were planning a girls trip to Vegas anyhow.  I’ll just party as a Mrs.

My suggestion is to do what you want and take control if your MOH doesn’t have the financial funding. 

Post # 8
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Epworth UMC & Ward Pavilion

I think you should let the bachelorette go, and let her and the other girls decide. I’m sure you’ll have fun no matter what, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Maybe when Maid/Matron of Honor gets married you can plan a sweet bachelorette in Miami for her. 🙂

As for the outfits, it looks like everyone else is thinking you’re talking about for the bachelorette. If you are worrying about what they’re wearing for the bachelorette, then yes, that’s over the top. But, I’m thinking you were referring to outfits for the wedding. If that’s the case, I don’t think requesting matching shoes is that big of a deal. It’s totally a reasonable request. Some brides even dictate hairstyle and jewelry, so dyable shoes is within the scope of a typical bridal request for the wedding day.

Post # 9
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, if you want a trip to Miami, take a trip to Miami… your Maid/Matron of Honor has the right to plan the bachelorette how she sees fit, and all you can do is ask the other BMs to intercede if she gets out of hand.  

Post # 10
5800 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would just let go of the bachelorette party. You will have fun no matter what. Your MOH’s finances are none of your business. So what if she went to Vegas last year? Is there some reason you think she’s going to make it all about her? From what you’ve written it just looks like she’s trying to make it affordable.

Honestly, I’d be annoyed about having to buy light pink shoes too (and I’m not on a college budget) but you can dictate shoes for the wedding if you want to.

Post # 11
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Ok. Regarding the Bachelorette Party – To an extent, I understand why you are disappointed that she did not consider Miami for your party while she was willing to travel for her boyfriends sister. However, what you have to bear in mind is that she did that without having any close approaching events that would require travelling soon thereafter. Whereas in your instance, she has the graduation coming up shortly after your wedding. I do not know her financial situation but don’t you think it WILL be a bit much to expect her to have three expensive trips in such a short space of time? I agree with the PP’s in that you can speak to your other BM’s and ask them to throw in some ideas. I’m sure there must be SOME place in NYC that will be to your liking. 

Regarding the OUTFITS – Are you referring to outfits on your wedding day? That is how I understand it but I noticed some of the PP’s understand it to be at your Bachelorette party. If it is for the wedding day, then I think you do have a say with regard to colours. But if it is for your Bachelorette party, I think you should let loose. It will be more fun for them to wear different colours anyway 🙂

Post # 13
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

OP – I don’t think you’re being a brideszilla but I don’t think you need to confront her either.  You just need to chalk it up to behavior that you didn’t see coming and that’s that.  As for your b-rette, it sucks you aren’t going to Miami as you would have liked (I am having a similar issue and funny enough, everyone on here told me to confront my MOH) so how about going it alone or with your Fiance or with some cousins/sisters, etc?  I think the point is that as long as you have your best girls next to you, a few social beverages and a good laugh then that’s all that matters in the end.  Miami was just the icing on the cake.

Post # 14
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You are being unreasonable.  Even if Maid/Matron of Honor could technically afford a destination bachelorette, she is not required to allocate every dollar of disposable income to your wedding.  Let this go.

Post # 15
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow, I’m really shocked that everyone feels you are being a bridezilla.  I can understand the whole money situation that some may have so Miami might be out of reach but if you really don’t want NYC then your Maid/Matron of Honor should not plan it there.  I feel that the bride should pick where she wants to go, and as long as everyone is in agreement, that’s where it should be.  I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor and she wanted to go to Vegas so that’s where we went but I planned it all.  Some girls didn’t want to go there so they didn’t go, simple as that.  I feel that you are being totally reasonable by saying that you are okay with NYC if everyone else is, that’s big of you.  

As far as the wedding day attire goes, I think that you are completely justified in requesting that they have the same color.  It’s your wedding.  I let my girls decide on their dress but I picked the shoes.  Most women know that it’s your day and they are happy to go with what you want.  Good luck!!!  Don’t stress about anything.  Shoot, my bachelorette party in next month and my sister hasn’t done a darn thing to plan it.  LOL  I’m just waiting….still.  LOL

Post # 16
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Okay first things first you are being a little bit unreasonable.  For Bach party, totally understood you want to go to Miami however if your Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s are paying for the trip they are the ones who really have a say on where its going to be.  Granted you should have imput but if you are not footing the bill you have no say.

As for shoes, no one is going to care what color the BM’s are wearing. The guests are going to concentrate on you and your Fiance not on what color shoes people are wearing. Let this one go. 



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