Post # 1
So I was super duper excited about my bridal party when I put them together! I was happy I wasn’t going to have one of those parties where one of the girl’s would cause problems. Everybody would have my back and support me. Right? Fail. So now I’m trying to figure out if I should say something or bite my tongue. Am I overreacting? Here’s the down-low:
My maid of honor has been my best friend for 10 years. Like a sister. She was going to be the maid of honor without a second thought. Well now, I’m beyond frustrated with her for a couple reasons:
- Bachelorette Party: I’ve mentioned to her I’d LOVE to go to Miami. Even before I was engaged. So once I got engaged, and she started planning it, she told me it was going to be in NYC because that’s where she lives. As much as I love NYC, that’s the last place I wanted my bachelorette party. After reading something in a magazine stating that I shouldn’t have a say in my bachelorette party since I’m not paying for it, I told my Maid/Matron of Honor to surprise me, but I’d really like her to consult with the others. I begged her to consult with the other girls, and I’m really hoping she will. Because she told me she doesn’t like depending on other people. But I don’t want her being the only one planning this, because it’s going to turn into it being about her. And honestly, if ALL of the girls decide NYC, then I will be totally fine with it. Later, she also told me that because she’s graduating from school next year, she wanted to take a big vacay with her boyfriend. So she won’t really be able to afford traveling elsewhere in addition to my wedding (I’m several states away). All of this would be understandable if she wouldn’t have gone to Vegas last year for her boyfriend’s sister’s bachelorette party. She wasn’t even a part of the wedding.
- Wedding Attire: Initially we decided everybody’s wearing black. The BM’s will have light pink sashes & she’ll have a champagne one. Then we ended up deciding everybody should wear light pink so it will look more uniform. My Maid/Matron of Honor said they should all wear champagne shoes (she found a pair of shoes she REALLY liked). After the other BM’s said pink shoes would look better, my Maid/Matron of Honor asked me if they could all just wear whatever color shoes they would like. REALLY?! That would look ridiculous, so I told her no. She claimed she wasn’t fighting for the champagne shoes because of those one pair she liked, but once I told her everybody’s wearing pink shoes, she told me she’ll just buy sandals because she never wears pink so she doesn’t want to spend a lot of money on them. Today, I mentioned the dyeable shoe idea to everybody (and I’m letting them get whatever shoes they want, as long as the colors match). I’ve been showing them several places so they can really find a pair they like. I thought it’d be a win-win, because I read if they don’t get the protective spray, they can re-dye the shoes a different color later. She asked me if she has to get dyeable shoes, becasue she just wants sandals. GRR.
Am I just making a big deal? Should I just let it roll off my shoulders and just keep telling her what she can or can’t do, or should I confront her? I’m really easy-going about stuff usually, but I didn’t realize how much she was going to make this about what she wants.
Post # 3
Yes you are making a big deal
1) I think its asking a lot for people to travel for a bachlorette. Its expensive
2) Her traveling last year has no effect on her money situation this year, your bachlorette and graduating next year.
3) New York is still a great city with many great things to do.
4) You can ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man to check in with your Maid/Matron of Honor and offer ideas if you are afraid of what she will plan
5) demanding matching outfits and the purchase of new shoes for a bachlorette is over the top. I get “same color outfit” but I do not think you can demand shoe color.
Post # 4
@lefeymw: I agree with everything you said.
OP – My bachelorette was a mani/pedi, dinner, and a ghost walk. My girls wore whatever they wanted. It was cheap, cheerful, relaxed and we all still had fun. I think you need to let go a little. No matter where you are, you’re going to be surrounded by the people you love, so just enjoy the why and not so much the how.
Post # 5
You’re being a bridzilla, let’s come back to reality.
These girls don’t even have to throw you a party, let alone cater to your every wish.
Really does it matter that much where it is and what everyone wears? Please, get over yourself and be greatful you have amazing friends.
Post # 6
OP, you really need to reign it in. Not even a little, in a major way.
“Confront” her? Really?
Post # 7
Yes, but here’s how you can resolve the issue w/out losing a friend. If you really want to go to Miami, then start planning w/ another one of your Bridesmaid or Best Man. Even though I love New York, there’s nothing like partying in Miami.
I didn’t have a bachelorette party but am planning a girls trip later this yr.(Moved our wedding up 4 months) My Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t a partier so a trip to Vegas was out of the question. No biggie to me so several gfs and I were planning a girls trip to Vegas anyhow. I’ll just party as a Mrs.
My suggestion is to do what you want and take control if your MOH doesn’t have the financial funding.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Epworth UMC & Ward Pavilion
I think you should let the bachelorette go, and let her and the other girls decide. I’m sure you’ll have fun no matter what, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Maybe when Maid/Matron of Honor gets married you can plan a sweet bachelorette in Miami for her. 🙂
As for the outfits, it looks like everyone else is thinking you’re talking about for the bachelorette. If you are worrying about what they’re wearing for the bachelorette, then yes, that’s over the top. But, I’m thinking you were referring to outfits for the wedding. If that’s the case, I don’t think requesting matching shoes is that big of a deal. It’s totally a reasonable request. Some brides even dictate hairstyle and jewelry, so dyable shoes is within the scope of a typical bridal request for the wedding day.
Post # 9
Honestly, if you want a trip to Miami, take a trip to Miami… your Maid/Matron of Honor has the right to plan the bachelorette how she sees fit, and all you can do is ask the other BMs to intercede if she gets out of hand.
Post # 10
I would just let go of the bachelorette party. You will have fun no matter what. Your MOH’s finances are none of your business. So what if she went to Vegas last year? Is there some reason you think she’s going to make it all about her? From what you’ve written it just looks like she’s trying to make it affordable.
Honestly, I’d be annoyed about having to buy light pink shoes too (and I’m not on a college budget) but you can dictate shoes for the wedding if you want to.
Post # 11
Ok. Regarding the Bachelorette Party – To an extent, I understand why you are disappointed that she did not consider Miami for your party while she was willing to travel for her boyfriends sister. However, what you have to bear in mind is that she did that without having any close approaching events that would require travelling soon thereafter. Whereas in your instance, she has the graduation coming up shortly after your wedding. I do not know her financial situation but don’t you think it WILL be a bit much to expect her to have three expensive trips in such a short space of time? I agree with the PP’s in that you can speak to your other BM’s and ask them to throw in some ideas. I’m sure there must be SOME place in NYC that will be to your liking.
Regarding the OUTFITS – Are you referring to outfits on your wedding day? That is how I understand it but I noticed some of the PP’s understand it to be at your Bachelorette party. If it is for the wedding day, then I think you do have a say with regard to colours. But if it is for your Bachelorette party, I think you should let loose. It will be more fun for them to wear different colours anyway 🙂
Post # 12
Yeah I definitely meant bridal party dresses & shoes. Sorry for the misunderstanding! I’m going to edit that. I could care less what they wear for the bachelorette party. Thanks everyone for the comments! I’m really trying to avoid the bridezilla stuff, and have been. I think my personal relationship with my Maid/Matron of Honor is what’s getting to me now. There’s been some history there about her screwing me over once because we did what she wanted and it backfired on me. Long story.
I guess what’s really been getting to me is all the girls have been talking via fb group, and sharing opinions, and when she didn’t like the idea of everybody wearing the same color shoes (for the wedding!), she didn’t share her opinion via the group, she just texted me.
And I know I’ll enjoy myself no matter what, but I just feel like she wasn’t taking everybody else into consideration. Honestly, if everybody decides on NYC – then great. I just don’t want it to be solely her decision. So me and my one Bridesmaid or Best Man are in SC, one of them is in NC, and her and 2 others are in the Jersey/NYC area. So I’m just afraid she’s not going to take everybody else into consideration and just base it off of what she can afford. Which isn’t fair to the others.
@lefeymw: I think it’s a GREAT idea to ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man to check in. I’m def gonna do that. Thanks =)
Post # 13
OP – I don’t think you’re being a brideszilla but I don’t think you need to confront her either. You just need to chalk it up to behavior that you didn’t see coming and that’s that. As for your b-rette, it sucks you aren’t going to Miami as you would have liked (I am having a similar issue and funny enough, everyone on here told me to confront my MOH) so how about going it alone or with your Fiance or with some cousins/sisters, etc? I think the point is that as long as you have your best girls next to you, a few social beverages and a good laugh then that’s all that matters in the end. Miami was just the icing on the cake.
Post # 14
You are being unreasonable. Even if Maid/Matron of Honor could technically afford a destination bachelorette, she is not required to allocate every dollar of disposable income to your wedding. Let this go.
Post # 15
Wow, I’m really shocked that everyone feels you are being a bridezilla. I can understand the whole money situation that some may have so Miami might be out of reach but if you really don’t want NYC then your Maid/Matron of Honor should not plan it there. I feel that the bride should pick where she wants to go, and as long as everyone is in agreement, that’s where it should be. I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor and she wanted to go to Vegas so that’s where we went but I planned it all. Some girls didn’t want to go there so they didn’t go, simple as that. I feel that you are being totally reasonable by saying that you are okay with NYC if everyone else is, that’s big of you.
As far as the wedding day attire goes, I think that you are completely justified in requesting that they have the same color. It’s your wedding. I let my girls decide on their dress but I picked the shoes. Most women know that it’s your day and they are happy to go with what you want. Good luck!!! Don’t stress about anything. Shoot, my bachelorette party in next month and my sister hasn’t done a darn thing to plan it. LOL I’m just waiting….still. LOL
Post # 16
Okay first things first you are being a little bit unreasonable. For Bach party, totally understood you want to go to Miami however if your Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s are paying for the trip they are the ones who really have a say on where its going to be. Granted you should have imput but if you are not footing the bill you have no say.
As for shoes, no one is going to care what color the BM’s are wearing. The guests are going to concentrate on you and your Fiance not on what color shoes people are wearing. Let this one go.