(Closed) Advice Needed…Relationships and Trust?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sa.to.sb.soon:  Personally I think the “I trust you, not other people” line is BS, because cheating happens when 2 people consent to cheating (i.e. your SO and someone else). Cheating doesn’t just happen because of one other person outside of your relationship. The only thing I would suggest is counseling, because it sounds like you do not trust him 100%, and after 8-9 years, something deep down must be bothering you, and it’s definitely a step in the right direction to try to delve into what’s going on there. Good luck to you! I hope you’ll be able to sort out your feelings.

Post # 5
Member
46406 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It really doesn’t matter if you don’t trust other people. How on earth do you think he is going to do anything to betray your trust without consciously being responsible for his own actions?

I also suggest some counselling, because if he hasn’t done anything to make him untrustworthy, then the problem is entirely yours.

Frankly, I don’t blame him for being upset and confused if he has done nothing wrong and yet has had to endure a week of talking and crying.

Post # 6
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sa.to.sb.soon:  Counseling isn’t to “find new problems.” It finds the root of POSSIBLE potential issues and deals with them in a safe environment before they MIGHT become an issue in your marriage/relationship in the future.

Post # 7
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m going to take a stab in the dark- one reason you’re not social is becasue you tell yourself that “others aren’t trustworthy” because according to your post- “you never can” I think this is the core of your problems. Someone has betrayed you, you now think that no one is trustworthy and have since decided it’s easier to be anti social than to put yourself in a place that might get you trusting people.

Either way- I think counselling is a good place to start.

Post # 9
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Awesome! Well I’m glad you can see that its possible. I urge you to check out a counsellor. While we have different issues- I am currently in counselling for trust and insecurity related issues and while I’m not cured nor I may never be entirely I do feel better knowing that I’m trying and have suceeded on some small tasks. For me it’s been a very positive experience.

Try it!!!

Post # 10
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Also you don’t have to be a party animal to be social. There’s a nice middle ground 🙂

Post # 12
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sa.to.sb.soon:  Do you have any health insurance? Are there any wellness centers near you? Many offer sliding scales. I saw a MSW who operated out of her home and she was able to work with my insurance (and then when she didn’t take my insurance on a sliding scale.)

Post # 14
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with pp’s in afew ways. This is really an issue within yourself, and counseling does nocreators problems, but stirs up roots of things we have buried and helps us resolve them. Jealousy is a personal issue and I suggest counseling for yourself. Also agreed that the “i dont trust others” isn’t really comforting because at the end of the day he’s the one controlling his actions and choices and if I heard that from my fiancé it would make me feel like it was a total coP out and I would know he either really doesn’t trust me, or has personal jealousY issues.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@sa.to.sb.soon:  investigate muuuuch further

1) check your benefits at your work/ your bf’s (common law may be able to get his benefits) my benfits are cover registered counsellors only

2) ask for scaled rates (ie if you make less, your session might be less)

3) check out student counsellors on practicum (in BC we call them intern counsellors- I’m with one currently)

4) technically speaking ANYONE can be a counsellor- so there could be free ones or ones who service low income earners etc.

5) call up a company or 2 and ask what you options might be- even if they say they are $150 an hour ask if they can point you to a website/ call center or other firm that does counselling for discount rates or whatever.

6) talk to you HR rep sometimes they know of a roundabout way to get therapy.

gooodluck!

Post # 16
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Where are you located? If you’re not willing to share here, you can PM me, and I can do some googling for you.

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