(Closed) Advice on a budget bridesmaid who might not show…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think this is one of those situations where it is best to (calmly) confront her directly. Just tell her that you understand she’s under budget constraints, but that you NEED to know if she isn’t going to be able to come. It might be an uncomfortable conversation to have, but this is not a situation for beating around the bush. I would just directly ask her and hopefully you get a straight answer.

Post # 4
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would give her an out and see if she takes it. For our Destination Wedding I had to provide the hotel with everyone’s confirmation numbers so it was really easy to call people out if they hadn’t booked.

Perhaps you could say you noticed she isn’t on the hotel block room list and you are about to pay your caterer (or order BM bouquets or whatever) so you really need to know 100% if she can make it? Maybe even give her time to think about it, instead of putting her on the spot. Say you need to know for sure by x date when you turn in the check or something.

Post # 6
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, that’s a little stressful. But I agree with Whitarens. This is one of those situations where you just have to confront her and ask her if she’s coming? Let her know that you totally understand that she’s on a budget but also tell her if she just can’t afford it to please not keep it a seceret because your wedding is 2 months away.  Good Luck and keep us posted. 

Post # 7
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

@thisorderistall:  Wow, um, just call her up, and flat out ask her. I don’t get why people play games like these with brides. Tell her it’s totally cool if she can’t, but that you need to know right now if she isn’t. This is your wedding, not a birthday party. 

Post # 8
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@whitarens:  +1

 

Also, if you truly just want to know, give her the out. “Hey when we were talking it sounded like you weren’t going to be able to come and were afraid to tell, is that true? You know I love you and I just need to hear what’s going on so I can help or plan.”

Post # 11
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@thisorderistall:  call her directly.  then you know for sure without games.

 

Post # 12
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

In this situation, you need to call her. Texts and FB messages are easily ignored, especially by someone who is obviously hiding or avoiding something. 

Post # 13
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

@thisorderistall:  I’d call her first. If she doesn’t answer or call back within a couple of hours, call again. If that fails, text her. If that fails, facebook her. If you don’t get a response within 48 hours, she’s dodging you, and I’d just cut her myself to save a headache later on. 

Post # 15
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@thisorderistall:  Actually I would disagree iwth some of the others and say email might be the best means of communication. I thinks he might be feeling pressured to act as if she can make it. Maybe you can say you’re sorry to do this by email but you want her to have time and no pressure to make her decision. Follow up in a few days with a phone call if she doesn’t respond.

Then again I hate confrontation so maybe I’m just helping you avoid it 😉

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