(Closed) Advice on Called off Engagement

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If he honestly feels like he doesn’t want to marry you after all, do not push him. It’s better to find out now rather than further along in the wedding planning process. One of two things might happen: you may work it out or you may just move on with your lives, but either way be prepared that he might not want to make this work. 

Speaking from the experience of being broken up with (not engaged) I know how incredibly difficult this is and I feel for you deeply but everything happens for a reason. 

Otherwise speaking from another point… is there anything you guys might have to cancel/change before you need to put down further deposits?? It might be wise to take some time, the both of you, without the added pressure of a wedding looming over your heads that may not happen.

Post # 4
Member
5018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

It sounds like you both had different views of how serious the bickering was.  What may seem trivial to you may have been a blazing red flag to him.  Of course you could suggest counseling to see if he wants to work on things.  I wouldn’t push too hard but you can always make a suggestion.  If he feels there is still hope then he will make the effort to try and work through issues with you. 

Post # 5
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

See if he’s open to going to counseling. I do think that it sounds like your issues are fixable, so counseling might work. You can’t force him though, so if he says no it’s just over, understand that you’re going to have to accept that and move on. Take care of yourself, and do what’s best for you.

Post # 6
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I definitely feel as if he threw in the towel too early.  Married couples argue all the time.  That’s nothing new.  That’s something that you would have faced in your marriage.  The true test of your love would be working on those issues together.  Communication and counseling if need be.  I would have definitely suggested that up but if he’s really not willing to make this work, then no he isn’t the guy for you.  I’m sorry this happened and I know it hurts but that’s the only advice I can give.

Post # 7
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

If you truly believe that it is something that can be fixed and is worth being fixed, I would try to suggest counseling to work on your communication issues. Perhaps if he is willing to work through it, the two of you can work on your issues together and then see where things go. I wouldn’t push to get back together before you actually work through your issues though.

To be honest, I do see where your Fiance is coming from if you have a bad temper and hurt him. I do think he should have told you how he was feeling, but I also think you should know that having a bad temper is not healthy in a relationship. I disagree with people who say couples argue all the time. I’ve never had a huge blow out fight with my SO. We’ve had disagreements, but we calmly talk through it and reach an agreement together. If my SO had a bad temper and whenever we disagreed about something he blew up, I don’t think I’d see that as something we could work on. I would probably leave because I would never want to be with someone who reacts like that. But then I also wouldn’t let it get to the point of being engaged…

Anyway, I’m sorry that you are going through this. However I would take this is an opportunity to work on your own issues. Honestly I would make sure that you have counseling on your own as well, even if he does agree to counseling with you. If you do have a bad temper as you say, and it went so far as to ruin your relationship, it is definitely something you should work on.

Post # 8
Member
11281 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
xtinathegreat :  

How does your bad temper manifest?

Post # 9
Member
9944 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You admit to having a bad temper, are you open to counseling to get your temper under control?  Do you feel you’ve ever strayed into verbal abuse territory while arguing with him?  If you’ve said extremely hurtful things to him enough times he may not want to sign up for a lifetime of that type of treatment.  My advice is do some soul searching, let him have some space right now and realize that just because someone promises to always love you doesn’t mean they agree to be exposed to your bad temper.

Post # 10
Member
3440 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Honestly I think he viewed the bickering as alarming while you may have considered it less of a big deal. I’m kind of like your ex, I understand couples argue but constant bickering I simply can’t deal with for the long haul. When Fiance and I started grating on each others nerves a few weeks ago over any and everything I flat out said listen either we learn to communicate better or I can’t do this and I was dead serious. He knows I love him but I also feel life is far too short to be in a relationship where I’m unhappy and frustrated majority of the time. Since then things have been awesome bc we both admitted that we were in the wrong and found ways to compromise before debates escalate to arguments. I don’t agree that every couple argues *all the time* or consider it normal but thats my personal view on the matter. Suggest counseling but don’t push the issue. Sometimes when a persons fed up after what they feel is too much thats it. This sucks but its best to happen now rather than later. 

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