Advice on dating post-breakup

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
794 posts
Busy bee

My advice: GO S-L-O-W. Be friends with this man—  observe him. Do his actions match up with his talk? Does he fit into YOUR life? Is HE putting HIS best foot forward? You do sound hesitant and nervous in your communication and manipulators will pick up on that and take advantage. No need to bare your soul to this guy right away. I’d keep it very casual and see if I like him as a person. And it will take time to truly have an answer to that. In the meantime, keep working on yourself, making yourself happy and cultivating a great life with or without this dude.

Post # 3
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Aww, so sorry about your breakup, but it truly sounds like it’s for the best. I had a codependent leech of a bf for 6 months,  it was miserable. I can’t imagine what you went through during those 5 years.

Good for you for cutting off that ex! What a tool.

You seem to be very self aware, and have very reasonable expectations. Your new man sounds wonderful! 

I think you are doing everything right. Since you asked for advice, just remember that you’re still in the honeymoon period. He might be seeing other people, and just because he wants kids does not necessarily mean he knows he wants them with you, on your timeline. You’re both figuring each other out.

I think you will be ok. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
794 posts
Busy bee

And do not close yourself off to other dates. That is extremely premature and a quick way to get too “invested” in one person you do not know well enough to be making that decision. Remember… talk is cheap. 

Post # 6
Member
794 posts
Busy bee

Good for you, girl! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ those chaps will be lucky to spend time with you! 

View original reply
graces7 :  

Post # 7
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Congratulations on doing the work on yourself to live a full, happy, single life.

Re: Mr. Now- remember, he is just Mr. Now. Keep dating. Keep exploring the things you want to do on your own. Don’t make him a priority.  Many men are good at dating for the first 3 months or so. You won’t know his true character until you’ve observed him over time. 

Post # 8
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
graces7 :  I think you are doing everything right. 

I was in a really unhealthy/toxic relationship for over 2 years with someone who told me we would definitely get married etc. 

Anyhow, like yourself I gave myself time and therapy and found myself back in dating earlier this year. 

I’m lucky enough to say I’ve met someone (only been a few months though) and what I’d say is…whilst being aware of your previous mistakes and unhealthy habits – don’t become too obsessed with it all. My current boyfriend and I saw each other every fortnight when we first met – due to distance but it kept things healthy. I don’t overthink anything with him, and whilst it’s still early days – he knows what I’ve been through and takes me as I am. Likewise, I take him as he is. It’s chilled out, fun and both of us are happy. 

Enjoy every second of it but go slow. Don’t worry too much or be continuously on the look out for anything to go wrong. Take it as it comes. 

You’re doing great and you deserve to have a happy, loving fulfilled relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
4990 posts
Honey bee

I remember you. I hope your ex is failing.

It sounds like you’re doing the right thing. You already are seeing him exclusively, I would tell him so and see what he says. Don’t become obsessed with the psycho stuff. Some of it is really questionable. Just relax, don’t analyze.

Post # 10
Member
459 posts
Helper bee

Relax and enjoy it and take your time.

I was in a very serious (engaged as well) relationship that ended abruptly and painfully, and I am now in a very serious (not engaged but have discussed timelines/future seriously) relationship. I felt a lot like you, like I could never love so fully and completely again, and tried online dating but didn’t feel a spark with anyone. That is, until I met my boyfriend and felt an instant connection from our very first date. A year later, it’s the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. It’s never too late to find your special person. I’m rooting for you!

Post # 11
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
graces7 :  

Nice to hear from you again.

I agree with the advice to take it slow. One of my favourite quotes is “Don’t rush something that you want to last a lifetime.”

If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing properly. That goes double for relationships. And triple if you have had a major heartbreak recently.

There are several reasons why going slow is a good idea. One of the main ones is that men are hardwired to try and win you over in the beginning. They will pour a lot of effort, time and resources in at the beginning and sometimes come on quite strong. Slowing things down gets them to slow down and allows you to see what kind of effort they can sustain over time. It also gives you time to assess your feelings as things progress. Try to maintain a consistent, relaxed pace, and try not to give in to the temptation to let things become very deep, very close very quickly.

Other than that, my main advice is just to relax and have fun and pay attention to two things: character and compatibility.

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