Post # 1
My future wife has a sister who is difficult to get along with. My FW has told me that in many ways she doesn’t like her sister. My FW worked since she was a teenager and in college. She worked full time for a few years before she showed symptoms of ALS and was diagonsed. She has done her best with her everything. We are living with her parents for a year or two. I’m a private home tutor and I’m also looking into public and private school teaching jobs. My own parents are going to be giving us money towards a home. I get along with my FW’s parents and they have no issues with us living with them especiallly since my FW’s condition is worsening.
However, her sister is having issues with us living at their parents’ home. She has an 11 year old son that is quite unruly and she is also getting upset that her parents are no longer letting her son do whatever he wants in the house. I need advice on how to deal with her here on out. She will probably always give us a hard time. My FW has an older brother who also doesn’t get along well with this sister. He has told me just to ignore her, but I know that won’t solve the problems.
Post # 2
I actually agree with the brother. Be polite but ignore her. There’s not much else you can do in your time there with her. As you said she will give you grief and I doubt this will hardly change. Be nice, don’t let her get a rise from you, and look to your wife for what steps must be taken. If she is being out of line, it will be your wife’s responsibility to handle the situation. Hopefully her parents will advocate for you both as well.
This is coming from someone whom has two very unmanageable difficult sisters.
Post # 3
soymilk: My fiancee has tried in the past to improve the relationship, it’s more that her sister doesn’t see her own faults. The sister gets along ok with a half brother from the mom’s first marriage. But, my FW has said that her sister has always been the type to take issues with her for ridiculous reasons and I have see my future sister-in-law go nuts over small things. One recent example was right before Christmas we all planned to meet up in the mall to eat dinner and shop. My future sister-in-law whined about the food court places serving nothing but junk and that she wanted her son to eat something better. She made us all show up to a pizza place down the street from the mall and she then whined when we ask to her chip in for the bill.
Her son is another problem and my FW’s parents are noticing it more. Her son is talkative and there is nothing with that. However, he can be very loud, rude, and unpleasant. My FW’s has a cousin that she is quite close to and the cousin’s husband has become a close friend. They have been married for 10 years and one point they were going through some financial difficulties and they sold their wedding rings for money. They both work in healthcare now and rarely wear jewelry because of their jobs. Anyway, my FW’s nephew noticed that the cousin and her husband don’t wear/have rings and he rudely asked them if they were married and then why they didn’t wear rings. It really struck a nerve with the cousin because was sadenned over what end up happening to her rings. My future mother in law lectured her grandson on what not to say or ask. My Future Sister-In-Law got pissed and said that her son was only curious. I get that kids are curious and might unintellionally say something that might nurt someone. But my Future Sister-In-Law brushed it off and since then she still allows her son to say a lot of things in a nosy or rude manner. She has the atittude that she and her son can do no wrong.
Post # 4
I know this isn’t what you want to hear … but it sounds to me like typical family stuff, and the brother is right — you need to just try to ignore it.
Post # 5
11 years old is plenty old enough to learn manners and how to behave politely.
As for your future sister-in-law….why did everyone give in to her demands to leave the mall? Don’t give in but don’t seek a fight. She’ll beat you with her experience.
The best solution is to find a place a of your own as soon as possible then limit your time with her. Its hard when you’re living with your future in-laws. She sounds like a nightmare but you shouldn’t waste too much energy fighting with her or even listening to her.
Post # 6
topeonyornottopeony: My future father in law and mother-in-law are great about us living with them. The sister doesn’t live with them. Even we when get our own place we will still ahve to see her.
She causes fights and does anything to get her way, that’s why we gave into her demands that time with the pizza place.
Post # 7
Is she married or seeing anyone? Perhaps she is envious that you two are getting married, able to save money while living with parents, etc.
But I do agree with pp…the 11 yr old does seem like a brat ..but I don’t think its your place to say anything about it. Maybe next time the 11 yr old says something I would point out that it was not a polite or appropriate thing to say and they should apologize?
Post # 8
Monikax3x3: She’s not married or seeing anyone. I also suspect that she has envy towards us. As I said, before she has given my fiancee and her brother a hard time for years now.
My FW’s sister and nephew receive a lot of financial suppport from her parents and there is nothing wrong with that. She does get upset when her parents offer help or give big gifts to her siblings. She was upset last year when FW’s parents and brother went to a football game in Chicago. There are plently of other stories about how difficult she is.