(Closed) Advice on dealing with frustrating sister in law…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

honestly, you haven’t heard from her. If your friend wants to hang out, I would say yes to your friend and then IF your SIL calls (which lets face it, she probably won’t) say. oh too bad, didn’t hear from you- made other plans. I think it would teach her a lesson.

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@mayflowerbride13:  +1.

Flaky people make me crazy. Go ahead and hang out with your friend. You deserve some girl time too!

Post # 5
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Make your plans with your friend. When (IF) SIL calls just respond that she did not get back to you by the time you asked (Thursday night) so you made alternate plans for yourself.

Honestly, I would stop offering any help to her. I have had friends/family like this and they are never there for you if you need them but are always willing to take. It doesn’t have to be tit for tat but at least there should be an ATTEMPT at reciprocation.

Post # 6
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

That is frustrating! This kind of stuff infuriates me. Just stop doing her favors. Seriously. It sounds like your Darling Husband has learned to not do stuff for her because she is an ungrateful flake.  make plans with your friend. If the SIL calls you say “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to help, when you didn’t get back to me the other day I made other plans.” If she needs a break that bad she can hire a babysitter. 

Post # 7
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Simple: if she doesn’t respond by the time she said she would, you make other arrangements. This goes for everything- she’s late for dinner, eat without her; she doesn’t call by Thursday, you assume she made other plans. you save yourself the trouble now and if she shows up/calls on time then great! Her feelings won’t be hurt either way because it’s not like shes putting all her eggs in one basket with you, anyways. 

Post # 8
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I entirely agree with PP. There’s a difference between offering your assistence as family should, and being at her beck and call. At this point Saturday is tomorrow, your SIL has had plenty of time to arrange something with you, and stringing along your friend may be rude to her. Go ahead and do your own thing! 

Post # 9
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would just call or txt her that you made other plans since she didn’t call you back. And that you can’t bbysit or take them to her mother’s anymore. Its better for you to confirm the cancellation, even though nothing was confirmed. Because if she does call at the last minute, you don’t want to deal with telling her you can’t. Just prevent an last minute arguement and cancel on her. Even though she doesn’t give you the same courtesy, its better than giving her an excuse to call you a flake. 

Post # 11
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Tatum:  I totally get your frustration, and I mean this as nicely as possible… but:
People are only like this if you allow them to get away with it. I know that you mean well, and you seem like a generous and caring person… but you’ve kind of been letting her take advantage of you and unfortunately, people will do that for as long as you let them. I think boundaries and deadlines are a good thing and will be helpful moving forward.

Post # 12
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Punctuality is a big thing for me, to the point where if I’m going to be late, I rather not show up (calling ahead of course). Your SIL would infuriate me to no end with this flakiness. Do your own thing – stop waiting on her.

Post # 13
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Yes, you’re most definitely within your rights. This is hardly the last minute and it doesn’t sound as if the SIL has a problem with changing plans suddenly.

It’s great you like your SIL and that you want to help her. But her busy life is her problem, not yours. Does she ever take your child when you and your husband need time together? Do you ever keep her waiting? 

I am sorry if you feel I’m being judgmental, but she sounds just like a friend of mine. When you’re doing something for her she is your best friend, and it makes you feel good to help out even if it’s a little inconvenient. What are friends ( or family in this case) for, right? 

But the moment you ask her to do something for you, she is just SO busy and doesn’t have the time and even if she does makes it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to help you.

Maybe I’m wrong though. 

I’d say, call your SIL and if she doesn’t answer then leave a message saying in no uncertain terms that you cannot watch her kids tommorrow, and you can’t drive them to their gran’s house either. Make it very clear in every possible way that you are not babysitting. 

If she calls you up tommorrow, tell her no. You’re busy, you have plans. She didn’t call you back, it’s her fault not yours.  You are also stressed by your busy life and taking care of kids and have arranged to spend the day with a friend. She’ll need to find another sitter. These are her children and she is responsible for them. It’s not your job to be her chaufer and nanny. unless you get paid to drop everything st the drop of a hat then it’s really none of your concern.

Don’t listen to her of she tries to guilt trip you or whine, be polite but firm. I’d also discuss it with the Darling Husband to make sure that you present united front in case she calls him. 

This is clearly a problem and the only way to get padt it is ti be honest and stand your ground. I’m not encouraging you to hate your SIL, far from it. I’m glad you like her, but you guys will never be frI ends if she’s alway freeloading and messing you about. 

Shes very nice and I’m hoping she comes to realise she can’you aka you do whatever she wantwhen ever, and you guys become great friends. 

Good luck, and have a nice time with your friend. 

 

Post # 14
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I feel your pain! I’m in a similar position – my future SIL is the definition of flakey 🙁  I love the thought of our children growing up together but I can already foresee myself and my FH being a dumping ground for her kids. I desperately want a close family (I don’t live in my home country anymore and was REALLY close to my own family back there) but all my predictions about her flakey-ness/ selfish-ness have come true so far. It’s such a shame because my FH’s brother is so lovely…

I really hope that your SIL has a lightbulb moment and realises just how good you are to her and that you are always there for her and she starts doing lovely things in return. Wouldn’t families be awesome if it were as simple as that. I’ll continue to dream…

Good Luck!

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