- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
OK, let me preface this post by saying I really do like my SIL and think she is a nice person. But she is a total flake and I am getting upset with how she acts. Sorry the following is long:
When I first met my SIL, I had been dating her brother for a few months and she was 8 months pregnant. We got along well and she was very nice to me. I didn’t see her much in the weeks following that first meeting because she was busy giving birth and adjusting to life with a newborn. When her baby was about 6 months old, she started asking us to babysit so she and her husband could have date nights. I was always eager to do this as I absolutely loved her baby.
So, after about a year, I would tell my husband (then boyfriend) that we couldn’t do anything on Saturday because I was babysitting all day. Boyfriend would scoff and say, we’ll see about that. Sure enough, about half the time his sister would cancel at the last minute. One time, I actually got very upset with her because she had asked me to block off the whole day to babysit and I was excited to do it. She was supposed to be there in the early afternoon, and she called and said she was running late, and she would be there around 3. Well, 3 comes and goes. Then 4. At 5 my boyfriend calls her and turns out she was sleeping. I was absolutely livid. She told my boyfriend she never said she would be there at 3, she said she would call me at 3 (which by the way, she didn’t). My boyfriend told her I was upset with her, and she texted me a halfhearted apology for the miscommunication and said she did not need me to babysit after all (duh, at this point it was like 6:30 pm, she should have been there like 6 hours ago).
Well, after that debacle she didn’t ask me to babysit for awhile, and then her brother and I got married, then I got pregnant, and SIL and I just never mentioned it again. For the next year, we got together with the kids about once a month and things were fine. My SIL and I would probably not be friends if we weren’t family, but we do get along well and like each other.
OK, well now the problem is cropping up again. Now, to be fair, my SIL is a busy person. She has two kids (she got pregnant again shortly after I did) she works part time and goes to school part time. But when she needs something (husband is always fixing her car or helping them with repairs around the house) she has no problem calling us and is very reachable if we have to call her back. Yet, if there is nothing directly in it for her, it can be very very difficult to get ahold of her.
Several examples- over Labor Day weekend we all went out of town. We arrived at the hotel first and I called and asked her where she was. She said she was about 30 min out so I told her we’d wait for her before doing anything. About an hour goes by and I call her again. No answer. I call again after about 30 min. No answer. Finally we get ahold of her and husband’s mother (SIL stopped by to visit with her mom- who lives close to the hotel but we didn’t know she’d be home- she was normally working at that time) and SIL has been sitting there the whole time knowing we were waiting on her. I sent her a text saying I was under the impression you were coming straight here, to which she did not respond so I just dropped it.
Last Sunday she calls and asks if we want to get together. I invite her over and she says okay. About an hour later I text her to see if she’s still coming over. No answer. I figure she might be driving so I call her. Well, now she’s not sure she wants to come over, but she’ll call back in an hour. No call comes from her. This is not an isolated incident, it is just the most recent.
OK, which brings me to my dilemma today. On Wed she calls and says she’s stressed out, her husband is stressed out, and she so badly needs a break. I offer to watch her kids this Saturday (tomorrow). She’s not sure. I present an alternate arrangement where I bring the kids to her mom’s (about 2 hours away) and drop them off there and she can pick them up Sunday. She likes that idea. I tell her to talk to her husband, talk to her mom, and let me know tomorrow (which was Thursday) what she wanted to do. Of course I did not hear from her last night. Husband thinks watching three kids is going to be overwhelming for me and he doesn’t like the idea of me chaffeuring her kids up there when she could do it herself, so he doesn’t want me to help. He is also mad at her over something unrelated but that is not part of the story. OK, so in the meantime, my friend calls and wants to get together tomorrow. There is still a chance SIL expects me to babysit although she did not call me yesterday like I asked her to. Am I within my rights to rescind this offer? I would like to hang out with my friend tomorrow and don’t think we should be dependent on the whims of my SIL who can’t bother to call me.
Here is the thing: I like my SIL. I understand she is busy and her life is stressful right now, and if she occasionally forgets to call me, oh well. But when I have to plan my time around her and she cancels at the last minute, or just doesn’t show up, that’s really frustrating.