- 6 months ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I would appreciate some advice.
In college I became friends with someone who has since asked me to be a bridesmaid. We graduated from college 10 years ago and both moved back to our home cities following graduation. The cities are about 7 hours drive or a short flight apart. In the past 10 years we have seen each other a handful of times and chatted here and there but do not speak regularly. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding 5 years ago. She did drive in for my bachelorette (one overnight activity in my city, she crashed with me the other night) and back for the wedding several months later. At my wedding I paid for the bridesmaids to have a hotel room overnight at the reception venue.
Fast forward 5 years. She asked me to be a bridesmaid months ago and I agreed, but now I regret it. There was a bunch of group texts recently about a destination bachelorette party. Options included cross country flights to a number of places including Vegas.
The bride chimed in that she was open to lots of things but really wanted us all to be there.
Bees, I know this is not nice, but I simply do not want to spend this kind of money on the bachelorette. I could swing it but would need to put it on my credit card. Now in my early thirties, I would rather spend the money on things my husband and I care about, our home improvement projects, or things we want to do together. I have zero desire to spend hundreds on a weekend like this. Plus, I am not close with the other bridesmaids and as an introvert this does not sound fun. Two of them I know through the bride and we hung out sometimes in college but that’s it. One of them I have seen one time since we graduated, the other not at all.
It’s hard because we are at a point in our lives where spending cash like this “shouldn’t” be an issue, so I feel awkward. But I do feel like assuming everyone wants to do a destination bachelorette weekend is a big ask. To be fair, two of the other girls live in other states, too, so there would always be some travel involved for at least a few folks.
What do I do? Do I tell her that it’s not feasible? What if she offers to pay? That’s the major issue but not the whole one. I don’t want to be the reason that she has a local shindig if she’s rather do it up big, but that’s not where I am right now. Especially as we will have to travel again for the wedding.
Also, I know I screwed up. I should have asked from the beginning to just be a guest. That ship sailed. What’s my best recourse now?
My work friend suggested I say I can’t do the bachelorette, but offer to come in a day early for the wedding to hang out with her. Is this a good idea? How should I frame it?