Post # 1
Okay, so my Fiance and I originally planned to do a destination wedding in Mexico. Basically my dad and step mom would not have been able to come because they do not travel out of the US and his mom said she wouldn’t go and was being really negative about it. We scratched that idea after 2 months of research and planning. Now we have paid a deposit for a venue that is completely refundable, and paid about $20 for STD’s through vistaprint. Not concerned about losing $20. FI’s mom is constantly nagging him because we are not getting married in a church and is constantly being negative about everything we plan. I can deal with that and still go on planning the wedding, but he gets really stressed and upset about it. Other issues that are more serious to me….My mom and brother are both alcoholics and i don’t know that i can keep my mom sober for the wedding and rehearsal. I have talked to her about it and she swears she will be on her best behavior. But, she has let me down in the past. As much as I want to believe her, she is really just unpredictable and could go on a drinking binge 3 days before the wedding. My brother I am about 80% sure he would be able to keep cool.
Another issue is that we went to my dad’s for Christmas over the weekend. We were all having so much fun and having cocktails and just talking and hanging out. It was actually really awesome. I’m not super close to dad and step mom, but I do love them very much. We have about a 2 hour distance between us. Anyway, my step mom and dad have been together for most of my life. My bro has a different dad. My step mom starts going on and on about my mom to me in front of my Fiance. I was so taken back and shocked. I could not believe the stuff she was saying and she just would not quit. It was so uncomfortable and I kept changing the subject and she would not let it go. It’s been several days since we have been back, and I can’t shake it. I am so mad at her. The stuff she was saying really has nothing to do with her. I am 29 years old. My mom rarely speaks of them. This all just really has me worried about the wedding and rehearsal. She clearly hates my mom, and I worry that there are too many loose cannons. I don’t know what to do. Fiance says it is all too much stress, lets just elope. He says with all of the money we are about to spend, we could have the best honeymoon ever.
I am seriously considering eloping since we haven’t sent the STD’s yet and deposit is refundable. I have 3 bridesmaids who are all so excited. I would feel bad telling them that there is no wedding. Can anyone please give me some advice here? I am so torn and confused. Between my family and his mom, I don’t know if I am risking a ton of disasters. If my mom or brother were to get drunk, it would devestate me because it would not be a classy or pretty sight. If his mom were to say more hateful or negative stuff, especially at the wedding I would be heartbroken. If my step mom were to say anything rude (seems likely since she pretty much ruined christmas for me and FI) I just don’t know.
Post # 3
My opinion? Elope. Really, your Fiance and you are the only ones that matter. If he is open to the idea, and you as well, then by all means. You don’t want to be stressing out about drama on what should be the happiest day of yours lives. So go and have an amazing honeymoon instead!!
Post # 4
My advice would be to really think about what an elopement will mean for the both of you decision wise. You have to do what will make you happy and stress free. Only the people paying should have a say. Planning is stressful and the thought of adding a alcohol problem only adds to the stress. You can still have a beautiful wedding via Destination Wedding. Try changing your location to somewhere like florida for those that dont travel out of country. Also you can always just elope and put money into a nice all inclusive package that has like web cast or videography. Then throw a party when you come back.
As far as your Mother-In-Law is concerned unless you do it her way she is not going to be happy with anything! Some people are like that when it comes to weddings, You just have to roll with it or stand your ground and say” When you pay you have a say!”
P.S Your step mom was totally out of line if she made you feel uncomfortable. Next time ask her if you can talk to her privately and tell her you dont feel okay with her venting about your mom right in front of you. It’s a respect thing and she needs to respect you when it comes to this request especially since your mom doesn’t do it.
Post # 5
Thanks to both of you. I have been stressing.
We have decided to go through with our wedding. I am going to be very clear with my mom and brother. I am just going to let them both know that they will not be able to attend my wedding if they are drinking at all. I am also going to just “not speak to them” again if they do anything ridiculous. It’s a 2 day thing, they should be mature enough to handle it. If they ruin the wedding that I spend months on planning and thousands of dollars on, then I will cut them out of my life. I am planning to make that very clear to them very soon.
As far as fiances mom, we are going to go visit next weekend and we are going to let her grill us about whatever issues she has. Then we will simply tell her that it’s our wedding and we are doing what we want to do, and that we would really appreciate her love and support right now. We have enough stress with the planning, that her support would be helpful. 🙂
My step-mom, I just don’t know. I am thinking of giving my mom a little warning…..like just be prepared for any negative comments. Not sure what else to do. I will arrange for mom and step mom to be sitting on opposite sides at the rehearsal. Hopefully they can say hi to each other and then move on to other convo.
This is stressful. I wish my fam were just a little less disfunctional! I woke up in the morning after posting this and was ready to elope. My Fiance talked me out of it. He says we deserve to have the wedding that we want, and we can get through this. I agree. I would still be open to eloping at this point, but he wants a wedding.