(Closed) Advice on engagement timing when SO's sibling has proposal plans in place.

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How long should we wait?
    You should wait until FBIL proposes : (2 votes)
    3 %
    You should not get engaged within 1 month before FBIL : (5 votes)
    7 %
    You should not get engaged within 2 months before FBIL : (0 votes)
    You can get engaged whenever : (64 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 2
    522 posts
    Busy bee

    No, not really. 

    Post # 3
    3584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    Stealing spotlight is not a thing. And anyone who makes it a thing should check their special snowflake selves at the door. I voted get engaged whenever you want. 

    Post # 4
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2003

    Getting engaged is such a personal thing. It has nothing to do with anyone else but you and your SO. He should do it on his timeline not anyone else’s xxx

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Shanneah.
    Post # 5
    729 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    There’s no etiquette regarding a situation like this. If your SO’s brother asked him to wait, it’s up to him to be more specific so that you and SO can determine if that’s reasonable or not. It seems really silly to base your engagement timeline on the brother. I would say, don’t get engaged the same week as them, and that’s pretty much it. 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Profile Photo rusticchic212.
    Post # 8
    3836 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I seriously don’t understand the whole ‘you’re stealing my spotlight!!’ thing. People don’t need months of engagement all to themselves! Getting engaged is a personal thing, it shouldn’t rely on anyone else, and your Future Brother-In-Law shouldn’t expect it to. If you have to set a buffer I’d say a week is fine. People get engaged every day, it doesn’t make other people any less engaged! If your Future Brother-In-Law wants the proposals further apart he can reschedule his, after all you were planning yours first anyway. My sister and cousin got engaged in the same month and it was just really sweet.

    Post # 9
    9524 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Just live your life. The Future Brother-In-Law is being ridiculous by even asking. Your engagement will not be stealing thunder and worrying about a non-issue will only annoy you and your almost Fiance. Families are very well equiped to be happy for two couples at once.

    See? Even Monica Geller makes it sound a bit crazy.

    Post # 10
    3 posts
    • Wedding: August 2016

    maybe I am a bit mean, but I would find out from him when exactly (week roughly) he is planning on proposing so you can plan this maybe a week before and if his brother thinks a week is not enough time he has to wait himself a little longer. Getting engaged is a personal thing. I got engaged in a period where tons of my friends were getting engaged. 

    even getting married, For related family it would be nice to wait until the honeymoon is over (or you wait with going on honeymoon until the other is married too), but for the rest it doesn’t matter if it is 1 week before or 1 week after. Heck 2 good friends of mine are getting married in the same week as me (I am monday 1 friend on wednesday and the other friday and 1 other is getting married 1 week after me.) and I have some more same summer (it’s wedding season like no wedding season before). 

    Do what feels good for you and your soon to be fiance, not for his brother and girlfriend. 

    Post # 11
    2141 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    you can get engaged when ever… I personally think its a bit shitty for BOTH parties if they get engaged rediculously close (like within days) because its going to take the shine of both of yous but if its coincidental (and it can happen, many times people get pregnant at the same time, get promotions at the same time etc…) then who cares and if its purposeful that they wanted attention and someone else was getting it then you have bigger problems personally

    TBH if you had your proposal planned first and its months before hand I wouldnt think twice… it was innappropiate for him to ask you to wait

    Post # 12
    1862 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    People like your Future Brother-In-Law really frustrate me. When you and your SO get engaged is none of his goddamn business. Get engaged and enjoy your life, don’t put your plans on hold for an entitled brat. 

    Post # 13
    6347 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    Get engaged whenever works best for you.   Your Future Brother-In-Law was way out of line to request your SO to wait.

    Post # 14
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Get proposed when you have the ring.  

    What happens if his brother’s ring takes longer than expected like you guys, or they have a fight, or he gets cold feet, or whatever reason… are you guys going to wait forever?

    I would suggest your SO let’s his brother know his plans though; finish that conversation.  

    Post # 15
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Get engaged right now, and then there will be plenty of “space” between your proposals!

    The topic ‘Advice on engagement timing when SO's sibling has proposal plans in place.’ is closed to new replies.

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