Post # 1
I have posted about this before, but in summary my SO and I had a timeline to be engaged by the middle of this year. He mentioned this to Future Brother-In-Law who said that he was planning on proposing towards the later half of the year and asked SO to wait. That threw SO off but after talking about it he decided that he would propose anyways.
Problem 1: SO hasn’t talked to Future Brother-In-Law about any of it since that original conversation so he has no idea how important him waiting really is.
Problem 2: SO said he would stick to our original timeline as long as there was enough time between our engagement and his brothers. Unfortunately the ring has taken a lot longer to get made than we were anticipating. And SO doesn’t want to rush a proposal to stay within some imaginary deadline we set to be respectful of Future Brother-In-Law.
So, my question is: Is there an amount of time we need to leave before/after Future Brother-In-Law proposes so that we don’t steal their spot light? If so, how long?
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Stealing spotlight is not a thing. And anyone who makes it a thing should check their special snowflake selves at the door. I voted get engaged whenever you want.
Post # 4
Getting engaged is such a personal thing. It has nothing to do with anyone else but you and your SO. He should do it on his timeline not anyone else’s xxx
Post # 5
There’s no etiquette regarding a situation like this. If your SO’s brother asked him to wait, it’s up to him to be more specific so that you and SO can determine if that’s reasonable or not. It seems really silly to base your engagement timeline on the brother. I would say, don’t get engaged the same week as them, and that’s pretty much it.
Post # 6
Thanks Bees 🙂 I told SO that we shouldn’t have to put our lives on hold for his brother. I’ll show him this thread with other people saying the same thing and maybe he will listen haha.
Post # 7
“Special snowflake selves” is great!
Post # 8
I seriously don’t understand the whole ‘you’re stealing my spotlight!!’ thing. People don’t need months of engagement all to themselves! Getting engaged is a personal thing, it shouldn’t rely on anyone else, and your Future Brother-In-Law shouldn’t expect it to. If you have to set a buffer I’d say a week is fine. People get engaged every day, it doesn’t make other people any less engaged! If your Future Brother-In-Law wants the proposals further apart he can reschedule his, after all you were planning yours first anyway. My sister and cousin got engaged in the same month and it was just really sweet.
Post # 9
Just live your life. The Future Brother-In-Law is being ridiculous by even asking. Your engagement will not be stealing thunder and worrying about a non-issue will only annoy you and your almost Fiance. Families are very well equiped to be happy for two couples at once.
See? Even Monica Geller makes it sound a bit crazy.
Post # 10
maybe I am a bit mean, but I would find out from him when exactly (week roughly) he is planning on proposing so you can plan this maybe a week before and if his brother thinks a week is not enough time he has to wait himself a little longer. Getting engaged is a personal thing. I got engaged in a period where tons of my friends were getting engaged.
even getting married, For related family it would be nice to wait until the honeymoon is over (or you wait with going on honeymoon until the other is married too), but for the rest it doesn’t matter if it is 1 week before or 1 week after. Heck 2 good friends of mine are getting married in the same week as me (I am monday 1 friend on wednesday and the other friday and 1 other is getting married 1 week after me.) and I have some more same summer (it’s wedding season like no wedding season before).
Do what feels good for you and your soon to be fiance, not for his brother and girlfriend.
Post # 11
you can get engaged when ever… I personally think its a bit shitty for BOTH parties if they get engaged rediculously close (like within days) because its going to take the shine of both of yous but if its coincidental (and it can happen, many times people get pregnant at the same time, get promotions at the same time etc…) then who cares and if its purposeful that they wanted attention and someone else was getting it then you have bigger problems personally
TBH if you had your proposal planned first and its months before hand I wouldnt think twice… it was innappropiate for him to ask you to wait
Post # 12
People like your Future Brother-In-Law really frustrate me. When you and your SO get engaged is none of his goddamn business. Get engaged and enjoy your life, don’t put your plans on hold for an entitled brat.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Get engaged whenever works best for you. Your Future Brother-In-Law was way out of line to request your SO to wait.
Post # 14
Get proposed when you have the ring.
What happens if his brother’s ring takes longer than expected like you guys, or they have a fight, or he gets cold feet, or whatever reason… are you guys going to wait forever?
I would suggest your SO let’s his brother know his plans though; finish that conversation.
Post # 15
Get engaged right now, and then there will be plenty of “space” between your proposals!