(Closed) Advice on friend's broken engagement

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

In this particular situation, I would write her a heartfelt email that indicates that you realize that she needs time and space to heal but that you want her to know that you are constantly thinking about her, wishing her only the best and hoping that she knows that you are available for anything if she needs you. Leave the ball in her court. To call or text her is possibly overwhelming – just send her an email, tell her you love and miss her and she’ll touch base with you when she’s ready. Kudos to you for being a kind and caring friend!

Post # 4
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MsMindle:  This…I was going to write the same thing. 

I haven’t experienced this, but if I were to have my engagement broken off I know I would feel ashamed and embarrassed.  I know there’s no reason one should feel that way and things happen, but that’s just how I would react.  I would also be heartbroken if it were him to break it off.  All in all, I would not want to talk/see anyone.

But it means a lot to let people know you are there for them.  I’m sure she’d would appreciate an email and will contact you once she’s ready.

Post # 5
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would periodically check in on her to let you know you’re thinking about her, but if she doesn’t respond, let her have her space while she grieves/heals. Bless your heart for caring about her so much!

Post # 6
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I went through a broken engagement, and yes there was a time period where I did cut myself off from family and friends. It took months to cancel wedding plans, pay back deposits, move out and get my life back on track. I was busy with tons of stuff for awhile. I also did not want to show my face because I was beyond mortified by everything that happened.

After I got all that handled and had my grieving period (probably about 3 months) I started becoming myself again and hanging around friends, having a good time, etc.

I would also suggest to check in with her periodically. It will let her know that you care and that you are there for her which I’m sure will mean a lot. You are being a GREAT friend for caring so much!!

Hang in there! Failed engagements are hard for all parties involved.

Post # 7
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would keep checking in, and hope that eventually she is able to come around. Keep letting her know you care…if she does not want to continue the friendship she will eventually let you know…but it sounds like right now she is really hurting and probably appreciates you doing this, even if she cant address it right now.

Post # 8
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am going through a similar situation.. My ex Maid/Matron of Honor is going through a seperation with her husband and she never answers, and when she does she is very short with me. I think you just have to give her space but also let her know you’re there if she needs you. People handle things differently… I would want my friends around me if I was going through this. But it could also be painful for her because your still engaged and her engagement fell through. I would just give her space, If she wants to contact you she will. 

Post # 9
Member
24 posts
Newbee

One of my good friends just had her wedding called off two weeks before the wedding. (This was about two months ago now) but at the time she went into COMPLETE hiding. She actually admitted to having anxiety attacks and really couldn’t be around ANYONE. It wasn’t anything personal but she explained that she was having horrible panic, she was embarrassed and she didn’t want anyone looking at her like she was a charity case. She didn’t want to see faces of pity. She isolated herself for a while and is only starting to really get back out there now and hang with friends. People handle situations differently and even though YOU want to be there, she most likely wants to be alone during this time. Don’t be offended because of it. She will come around in her own time.

Post # 10
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This happend to my best friend…she did distance herself at times I think it was hard for her to sit down and talk to me abotu stuff…because before it was about her and her wedding and the excitement…and then suddenly that’s all gone and I think it took her a while to find herself again and be able to sit and talk with me.

Post # 11
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Cremebrulee41:  i did when me and my ex ended it and i did not want to talk to anyone even my beat friend caz she has a way of almost giving me a panic attack caz all she would do is down him and talk about all of her and my past failed relationships and i just could not hear it it made me feel hopeless so i ignored her for a while i know she wanted to be there for me she just did it the wrong way. i love her and were besties till where old and grey but i could not be around her at that time of my life. i was hurt she was pissed at him and i just could not handle anything.

your a true friend just check in with her and let her know that your there for her.

i was so embarrassed by the break up i really didn’t want to see anybody for a while.

hang in there and just when you do get together with her don’t talk about it unless she does and listen to her and respond with positivity ; )  

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I ahve a friend that has been having a hard time her husband. They separated once, got back together but their situation is really bad.

When they fight or are having a rougher time she disappears. She won’t pick up when I call, nor answer my emails. I “learned” that is how she responds to bad times. She just secludes herself.

I try to call on those times but try not to insist too much.

I would do the sme if I were you.

Some people just want to curl up in a ball and “digest”…

Post # 13
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@cobalt21:  or worst and ive been here they dont even want to say out loud whats really going on. ive been there caz i know my bestie is going to get mad at whats going on. its sad what we all have put ourselves thru.

Post # 14
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

From someone who has/is experienced it…. knowing that you care is plenty.  everyone deals with the healing/coping process in their own way.  your friend is feeling a ton of emotions right now.  Honestly, there isn’t anything that you can particularly do.  Sure, you can keep reaching out, but right now what she is saying is leave me alone.  I don’t really feel like being bothered.  besides, you don’t want any of the backlash (lol).  I love my friends and family dearly and though our situations may be different wether it is postponement of a wedding or cancellation, she needs space.  She needs time to process her own thoughts without others opinions and suggestions.  she even needs time to actually accept what she is experiencing.  give her time and lots of prayers.  for me, the letter would be great because it would give me something inspiring to read, but only you know your friend.  everyday, is a different struggle and/or emotion. she knows and will remember who reached out to her.  she is thankful for it!  WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

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