(Closed) Advice on handling a SERIOUSLY UGLY family issue?

posted 11 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I wouldn’t cancel your wedding events because some family members disagree. No matter what you do, SOMEONE will be unhappy. Just be respectful and of their opinions and move on, they don’t have to attend anything.

I also would not talk to them directly about the topic, if you want to invite their daughter, maybe ask your mom or dad to talk to them to avoid confrontation. If they won’t allow her to go, so be it. These things happen. 

I bet the rest of your family will be thrilled to celebrate your upcoming wedding with you, focus on that. 

Post # 4
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

TallBride said it perfectly. Unfortunately we cannot control other people’s opinions. It sounds like these people are particularly difficult to influence. All in all, this is YOUR decision. You’re not asking them to move to India. The day is about you. This is YOUR time. It is not selfish, you and your FH deserve it.


Best Wishes,


Post # 5
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles

I also agree with TallBride.  It’s so hard to deal with family issues like these because it’s your wedding and you’re excited and happy and you want everyone else to be excited and happy too.  It can be heartbreaking to learn that family members disapprove.  I had a similar experience (I talk about it in my post about our wedding ceremony) and my advice would be not to worry what other people think.  There will always be ppl who are negative, but don’t let that cast a shadow over your happinesss.  Invite their daughter and hopefully she can join in the fun, but if not, then it’s okay. You tried! 

Post # 6
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Ditto @ tall bride. 

Post # 7
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Absolutely.  Your relatives certainly have a right to their opinions, but obviously you have the right to marry who you want, and live where you want.  I had a number of college friends (engineers) who were from India who have since returned, out of a desire to make things better in the country where they grew up and where they still have relatives.  I think it’s a wonderful thing – to want to give back in that way.  Unfortunately some people can’t seem to get along with anyone who doesn’t share their opinions, or whom they can’t talk into behaving as they would.  I would try to be respectful of your relatives, and certainly try to include their daughter.  Maybe it would help for you to acknowledge to them that you understand they don’t agree with your choices, but let them know you still love and respect them, and that you hope the disagreement won’t get in the way of your relationship otherwise.

And then, really, I would let it go.  You will have done all you can do.

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