Post # 1
Sorry, this is a long one. I’ve had alot of posts, so I’m sure some of you are getting to "know" me by now! FH and I will be getting married in Himalayan India next spring, and I think it’s going to be a really beautiful wedding, taking place for all the right reasons. We want to be committed and start building our lives together, and we’re in love. After the wedding, we’ll be settling down in Delhi, India for at least the first few years of our marriage.
Here’s the problem: none of my family is coming for the wedding, so I’m trying to include everyone in some celbratory things before I leave. I have 5 girl cousins and 1 sister, all younger than me, who we’re planning a wedding inspired photoshoot with when everyone’s in Colorado (where part of my family lives) for my last Christmas in the US. We’re also going to do a really fancy tea party and some other G-rated bridal events. Lol.
One of aunt and uncle couples (there are two), who have just one daughter, (the other couple, who lives in CO, has four girls) are still debating on whether they’ll come or not, and they’re furious to know that my FH and I are getting married and planning to stay in India, because they’re military and they think India is a terrible place. They’ve also expressed that they don’t feel we’re not ready for marriage, even though they’ve never met FH and we’ll have been together for THREE years.
I’m afraid they’re not going to allow their daughter (who’s 14) to be part of any of the festivities because of their feelings, even though all 5 of the other girls are very excited about everything. Also, ANY talk of the wedding might cause them to blow up at the family and really taint the holidays.
You can read more about my aunt and uncle’s issues with India on my blog.
I just want to celebrate getting married with my whole family, especially all my cousins, as much as possible before I go, but should I cancel the wedding-related stuff and avoid talking about our marriage so the last Christmas I’m part of can be saved? Any advice at all would be helpful!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t cancel your wedding events because some family members disagree. No matter what you do, SOMEONE will be unhappy. Just be respectful and of their opinions and move on, they don’t have to attend anything.
I also would not talk to them directly about the topic, if you want to invite their daughter, maybe ask your mom or dad to talk to them to avoid confrontation. If they won’t allow her to go, so be it. These things happen.
I bet the rest of your family will be thrilled to celebrate your upcoming wedding with you, focus on that.
Post # 4
TallBride said it perfectly. Unfortunately we cannot control other people’s opinions. It sounds like these people are particularly difficult to influence. All in all, this is YOUR decision. You’re not asking them to move to India. The day is about you. This is YOUR time. It is not selfish, you and your FH deserve it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2008 - Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
I also agree with TallBride. It’s so hard to deal with family issues like these because it’s your wedding and you’re excited and happy and you want everyone else to be excited and happy too. It can be heartbreaking to learn that family members disapprove. I had a similar experience (I talk about it in my post about our wedding ceremony) and my advice would be not to worry what other people think. There will always be ppl who are negative, but don’t let that cast a shadow over your happinesss. Invite their daughter and hopefully she can join in the fun, but if not, then it’s okay. You tried!
Post # 7
Absolutely. Your relatives certainly have a right to their opinions, but obviously you have the right to marry who you want, and live where you want. I had a number of college friends (engineers) who were from India who have since returned, out of a desire to make things better in the country where they grew up and where they still have relatives. I think it’s a wonderful thing – to want to give back in that way. Unfortunately some people can’t seem to get along with anyone who doesn’t share their opinions, or whom they can’t talk into behaving as they would. I would try to be respectful of your relatives, and certainly try to include their daughter. Maybe it would help for you to acknowledge to them that you understand they don’t agree with your choices, but let them know you still love and respect them, and that you hope the disagreement won’t get in the way of your relationship otherwise.
And then, really, I would let it go. You will have done all you can do.